Certified to Handle You 3

1. Sha’nelle Harper

Greystone City

I still couldn’t believe Couture asked me to marry him in front of his whole family, and I couldn’t believe that I said yes, not knowin’ how I truly felt about the shit.

The ring had been on my finger since yesterday, but every time I looked at it, I got that same weird feelin’ in my stomach.

It was beautiful, and Couture had been so damn happy when he slid it on my finger that I hated myself for not feelin’ exactly what he felt.

I should’ve woke up this mornin’ excited.

I should’ve been callin’ Toni talkin’ about dresses and colors or sittin’ on Pinterest lookin’ at weddin’ shit.

Instead, I had been layin’ next to Couture with my eyes open before he even woke up, starin’ at the ceilin’ while the first man on my mind was Renza.

That alone made me feel horrible.

Couture ain’t deserve that shit from me.

He had never done shit but love me, and that was what made everything so complicated.

If he was a bad man, I could’ve found a reason to leave.

If he cheated, treated me wrong or made me feel small, I could’ve grabbed my shit and walked away without lookin’ back.

Couture gave me the complete opposite. He made room for me in his life, brought me around his family and loved me in a way that never made me question where I stood with him.

Yesterday, he got on one knee in front of everybody he loved and asked me to be his wife ‘cause somewhere inside his heart, he was sure I was the woman he wanted forever with. And I said yes while another man was sittin’ in a part of my heart I still couldn’t get him out of.

“You keep lookin’ at that ring,” Couture said as he walked out the bathroom with his shirt still open.

I lifted my eyes from my hand and looked at him. “I’m still gettin’ used to seein’ it on my finger.”

He smiled as he came toward me. “You better get used to that shit. It ain’t comin’ off.”

He reached for my hand and brought it up to his mouth before kissin’ the back of it. I watched him look at the ring with this proud expression on his face, and my heart got even heavier ‘cause I knew how much the moment meant to him.

He kissed my hand again before leanin’ down and kissin’ my lips, and I kissed him back ‘cause I did love him. That was the part nobody would understand if they could climb inside my head and see all the shit I was fightin’ with.

Lovin’ Couture wasn’t the lie…

Thinkin’ I could marry him while my heart was still reachin’ somewhere else might’ve been.

“I already been thinkin’ about houses,” Couture told me as he went back toward the dresser.

He grabbed his watch and slipped it around his wrist before lookin’ at me through the mirror. “I don’t wanna stay in this apartment once we married. I want us to have our own shit.”

I looked down at the ring again while he talked.

“We can get whatever you want,” he continued. “You want somethin’ already built, we can do that. If you wanna build, we can do that too. I want enough space for us, and if we have kids later, I don’t wanna be movin’ every time we need another bedroom.”

Hearin’ him talk about children made my stomach turn over.

It wasn’t ‘cause I ain’t want children or ‘cause I couldn’t see Couture bein’ a good father.

I had already seen what kind of man he was with Justice, and I knew he would love any child we had with everything in him.

The problem was that every time I tried to picture myself years from now, my mind kept changin’ the man standin’ beside me.

Couture came back over and stood between my legs where I sat on the edge of his bed. He rested his hands against my thighs before bendin’ down enough to look directly into my face.

“You can have whatever kind of weddin’ you want too,” he told me. “I don’t care how much that shit cost. Big weddin’, small weddin’, destination weddin’ or whatever else you come up with. All I gotta do is show up and marry you.”

A light smile came across my face ‘cause he looked so serious about it. “You say that now until I come up with some expensive ass shit.”

“I ain’t scared of none of what you require, baby,” he replied before kissin’me. “I just want you happy.”

My smile stayed here, but those words hurt in a place they shouldn’t have.

I looked into his eyes while he held both of my hands, and for a few seconds, I almost told him the truth. My lips parted and everything I had been holdin’ since yesterday came close enough to finally leave my mouth.

I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I ain’t know if I was ready to be his wife. I wanted to tell him that sayin’ yes in front of his whole family had been easier than embarrassin’ him in front of everybody, and now I ain’t know what the hell to do with the answer I gave him.

Before I could get any of it out, Couture squeezed my hands and smiled.

“I’mma treat you right, Sha’Nelle,” he told me. “I’ve been wantin’ this kind of shit. I just didn’t know who I wanted it with until you.”

I closed my mouth ‘cause how the hell was I supposed to follow that by tellin’ him I might’ve made a mistake?

Couture wasn’t naive. He just trusted me.

There was a difference, and I knew I had never given him a reason to look at every quiet moment and wonder if I was thinkin’ about somebody else.

He knew I had moods. He knew sometimes I got inside my head and needed a minute before I talked about whatever was botherin’ me.

As far as Couture knew, the woman he loved had said yes to marryin’ him yesterday and was still takin’ in everything that came with it.

His phone started ringin’ on the dresser before I got another chance to speak. He looked over at it, then released one of my hands and reached for the phone. “It’s my mama.”

I already knew what was comin’ before he answered.

“Hey, Ma,” he said as he put the call on speaker.

“Good mornin’ to my engaged son,” Ms. Emoree said through the phone, and I could hear the happiness in her voice.

Couture laughed and looked at me. “You still excited?”

“Yes, I’ve been up looking at wedding venues since seven this morning,” she replied. “Where Sha’Nelle at?”

“She right here.”

“Hey, baby!” she said louder.

I smiled even though she couldn’t see me. “Hey, Ms. Emoree.”

“I hope you got some rest because we got a lot to do. This is your wedding.”

My eyes moved back toward my ring while she talked.

Couture sat beside me and wrapped his arm around my waist. “You got two people ready to spend money now.”

“Okay,” I answered like a damn fool, tryna keep my voice normal. “We can do that.”

Ms. Emoree kept talkin’ about colors, flowers and people she already knew would try to invite themselves. Couture laughed beside me while adding his own comments, and I sat here listenin’ to two people build around an answer I wasn’t sure I should’ve gave.

Chile, I ain’t have it in me to ruin they happiness this mornin’.

Maybe that made me wrong, but it wasn’t ‘cause I wanted to play with Couture. I was scared of hurtin’ him, and every hour I waited probably made that worse. I knew that. Still, knowin’ what I needed to do and havin’ the heart to actually do the shit was two different things.

By the time the call ended, Couture needed to leave for work.

He grabbed the rest of his things before walkin’ me out of the apartment. We went down together, and when we reached my car, he opened my door before pullin’ me against him.

“You good, baby?” He asked while lookin’ down at me.

“Yeah,” I told him as I rested my hand against his chest. “It’s just a lot happenin’ at once.”

Couture nodded. “We ain’t gotta rush nothin’. We engaged. That’s enough for right now.”

That almost made me cry right here.

Instead, I leaned into him when he kissed me and let myself feel the comfort that came with bein’ held by somebody who loved me. When he pulled away, his thumb moved across my cheek.

“I love you,” Couture told me.

I nodded before answerin’ him. “I love you too.”

And I did…

I got into my car, and Couture waited until I was settled before closin’ the door. I watched him walk toward his own car, then started mine and pulled away.

I made it out of his apartment complex before Renza came back into my head.

Truthfully, that nigga had never left…

For almost three months, I had been tryna live around the space he left in me.

I blocked him ‘cause I knew myself. I knew all Renza had to do was catch me at the right moment and I would start forgettin’ every reason I was supposed to stay away from him.

That man could piss me off until I wanted to throw somethin’ at his head, then pull me against him and somehow have me forgettin’ half the argument before I finished cussin’ his ass out.

Then, the whole situation with him puttin’ Couture in a trunk.

After he did that crazy ass shit, I knew I had to be done.

I hated how controllin’ he could be. I hated how he always thought whatever he decided was supposed to become law for everybody else.

Renza ain’t ask enough. He told. He pushed.

He loved with both hands wrapped around everything, and sometimes bein’ loved by him felt like he wanted to swallow my whole life just to make sure nobody else could touch it.

But when that love felt good, God, it felt good…

That was the shit I had been tryna forget.

By the time I pulled into my mama’s driveway, I ain’t even have the strength to get out the car.

I shut the engine off and sat behind the wheel while the house stared back at me through the windshield. My hand was still restin’ near the gearshift, and the diamond on my finger caught the sunlight comin’ through the window. I lifted my hand and stared at it.

Yesterday, the ring had been surrounded by screamin’, clappin’ and people tellin’ me congratulations. Couture’s grandma had tears in her eyes. Ms. Emoree hugged me and welcomed me into the family, and Couture looked at me like I had just gave him everything he ever wanted.

How was I supposed to say no in front of all those people?