16. Renza Mensah
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
Weeks later…
While I stood at the front door, Pluto stood by me, talkin’ to Pressure on the phone, and I could tell by the look on her face that my cousin was sellin’ the hell out of whatever lie he had put together.
She was dressed for the dinner Pressure claimed he had planned, with her hair down, her makeup soft, and her jewelry sittin’ neat against her skin.
She looked nice in that grown, and was put-together the way she always was, but the look on her face said she was already side-eyein’ everything about this last-minute jeweler errand.
“Pressure,” Pluto said into the phone, cuttin’ her eyes toward me before lookin’ back at the floor. “You said dinner. You didn’t say nothing about me having to go pick up my own gift before dinner.”
I looked away quick and pressed my lips together ‘cause I already knew what Pressure was tellin’ her. He had called me earlier talkin’ about he needed me to help him keep Pluto busy ‘cause he had somethin’ set up for her birthday.
Her birthday was two days after mine, and he was claimin’ he had to leave town before then, so he wanted to do somethin’ for her now with the family.
He said the jeweler had a piece for her, but he couldn’t make it in time, and the man wasn’t gon’ be available tomorrow.
It sounded like rich people problems, but with Pressure, half his life was rich people problems with hood nigga shit attached to it.
Pluto’s eyes narrowed while she listened. “Why would the jeweler not be available tomorrow? That don’t even sound right.”
I dropped my head a lil’ ‘cause she was too smart for this shit, but Pressure must’ve said somethin’ smooth on the other end ‘cause her face shifted, and she gave one of them small sighs niggas gave when they knew they was probably bein’ played but ain’t have the proof yet.
“Fine,” she said. “I’ll go get it, but you and Renza better not be doin’ too much. I told you I don’t want no big party right now. A simple dinner is enough.”
I glanced over at her, and she looked at me right when she said my name, like she was warnin’ me too.
I lifted my hands a lil’, actin’ innocent, and she rolled her eyes before tellin’ Pressure she was hangin’ up.
The second the call ended, she slid her phone into her small purse and turned toward me with that look still on her face.
“You and Pressure better not be plottin’ nothin’,” she said.
I made my face as regular as I could, ‘cause that exactly what we was doin’. “Plottin’ what?”
“See,” she said, pointin’ at me. “That right there. You already sound guilty.”
I let out a low laugh and reached for the door. “Pluto, I’m already walkin’ out. I might as well take you by there instead of you callin’ one of them drivers. It ain’t even that deep.”
“It’s never that deep until y’all make it deep.”
“That sound like somethin’ you need to take up with yo’ husband,” I said while openin’ the door for her.
She walked past me, smellin’ like perfume and whatever expensive shit she had on, then she looked back over her shoulder. “You his cousin. Y’all all come out the same factory.”
I laughed for real that time. “Nah, don’t put me in that nigga business. I’m the helpful one tonight.”
Pluto hummed like she ain’t believe a word I said, but she still walked with me toward the driveway.
I had my shit on too, but not too dressed up like I was goin’ to some big event, but clean enough for dinner after.
I kept it simple with a black shirt, black pants, a watch, fresh cut, and cologne sittin’ close to my skin.
If Pluto noticed, she ain’t say nothin’, but I saw her eyes move over me before she got to the passenger side.
I opened her door, and she paused before gettin’ in. “You better not be lyin’ to me, Renza.”
“Ain’t nobody lyin’ to you, woman,” I said.
She smiled a lil’ and shook her head. “Uh huh. You look suspicious.”
I shook my head and smirked. “Get in the car, Virgo.”
She slid in, still watchin’ me like she was tryna catch the lie before we even pulled off. I closed her door, walked around to my side and got in. Once I started the car, I pulled out the driveway and headed toward the jeweler with Pluto sittin’ next to me, quiet for the first few minutes.
The sun was startin’ to settle lower, and Trill-Land had that gold look over it that made everything feel richer than it already was.
Pluto turned her head toward me. “So Virgo season almost over for us.”
I glanced at her and smiled a lil’. “It ain’t over till you have yo’ day.”
“Yep,” she said. “But tomorrow is all you.”
I kept my eyes on the road. “I ain’t doin’ nothin’ crazy.”
“You’ve been saying that for weeks now, Renza.”
“’Cause I mean it.”
She looked at me for a few seconds, and I already knew that look.
Pluto had a way of watchin’ you like she wasn’t tryna press, but somehow she still ended up in the middle of whatever you was tryna hide.
She did it to Pressure all the time. That nigga could come in the house with blood on his shoe and a lie ready to tell and Pluto would look at him long enough to make him tell on himself without raisin’ her voice.
I ain’t like bein’ on the other side of that shit, but with her, it never felt like she was tryna embarrass you.
It felt like she cared enough to notice.
“You been alright?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Renza… are you sure?”
I exhaled through my nose and kept drivin’. “I’m straight, Pluto. Forreal.”
“I kinda knew you were going to say that,” she said soft. “That doesn’t mean I believe it.”
I ain’t answer right away ‘cause I ain’t know what she wanted me to say.
I had been keepin’ myself together the best way I knew how.
I went home. I handled my business. I stopped runnin’ around every night.
I ain’t been outside in two weeks ‘cause outside ain’t been hittin’ the same, and I ain’t feel like standin’ in sections pretendin’ loud music could fix what was wrong with me.
I had been doin’ what I was supposed to do.
At least that was what I kept tellin’ myself.
Pluto looked out the window for a second, then back at me. “Have you talked to Sha’Nelle?”
Her name hit the car harder than I expected.
I ain’t heard nobody say it to me in weeks.
Everybody had been movin’ around it, even when they knew it was sittin’ right there.
Pressure ain’t bring her up, and Kay’Lo kept his mouth shut ‘cause that nigga already knew how I was. Toni probably said her name somewhere in that house every day, but not around me. And Pluto, for whatever reason, had waited until we was in this car on the way to what she thought was her birthday errand to ask me the one question everybody else kept swallowin’.
I shook my head once. “Nah.”
Pluto’s face softened, and that almost made me wish she had asked me rougher. “I’m sure y’all miss each other.”
I gripped the wheel tighter, then loosened my hand when I caught myself. “Missin’ somebody don’t fix what they did.”
“I know.”
“I ain’t sayin’ I don’t miss her,” I said, and the words came out before I could stop ’em. “I just don’t know what the fuck that’s supposed to do for me. Missin’ her ain’t gon’ make me answer my phone and just start talkin’ like everything cool.”
Pluto stayed quiet, and that made me keep talkin’ even though part of me wanted to shut the fuck up. But that was the thing about her. She ain’t have to drag shit out a nigga. She just gave you room, and somehow that room made the truth louder than the lie.
“I had plans in my head,” I said, keepin’ my eyes on the road.
“Real plans. And I know that might sound crazy comin’ from me ‘cause a nigga done been outside most of my life doin’ whatever the fuck I wanted, but that shit was different with her.
I was thinkin’ about houses, kids, where we would stay, how we would move, all that shit. Then shit went left.”
Pluto shifted in her seat, turnin’ toward me more. “That doesn’t sound crazy, Renza.”
“It felt crazy,” I said. “It felt like I let myself get too far ahead and got embarrassed behind the shit. That’s the part I don’t like.
I can deal with bein’ mad. I know what to do with mad.
I can go silent, smoke, work, cut muthafuckas off, and keep movin’.
But that other shit?” I shook my head and let out a light breath.
“I ain’t know what to do with that, so I acted like it wasn’t there. ”
“And now it’s still there,” Pluto said.
I looked at her for a second, then back at the road.
She said the shit like she could see it sittin’ on me. I hated that too, ‘cause I had been doin’ a good job of makin’ everybody think I was past the worst of it. Or maybe I only thought I was. Maybe they had been seein’ it the whole time and just knew better than to say too much.
“It come and go,” I muttered.
“Does it?” she asked.
I smirked ‘cause that was Pluto all day. Soft voice, sweet face and still gon’ call bullshit when she heard it. “You been around Pressure too long.”
“No,” she said. “I’m just asking you because I love you.”
That shut my mouth for a second.
“I’on know what I’m supposed to say to her,” I admitted.
“That’s the truth. I’on know if I’m supposed to ask why.
I’on know if I’m supposed to tell her how bad that shit fucked me up.
I’on know if I’m supposed to act grown and wish her well.
I’on even know if I can hear her voice and not fold or get mean. And I’on wanna do neither one.”
Pluto nodded slow. “Maybe you don’t have to know everything before you call.”
“That don’t feel right to me.”
“I know,” she said. “But maybe that’s why it keeps building. You keep trying to have the whole conversation in your head.”
I ain’t like how much sense that made.