Chapter 2
Solé Gardens
I couldn’t even sit here and act like my damn chest wasn’t hurtin’ over the shit Renza had just pulled.
By the time the mornin’ light started pressin’ through my windows, I had already gone from worried, to pissed off, to hurt, then right back to pissed off again.
I had been callin’ his phone all night and early into the mornin’, not because I was tryna suffocate him or keep him on some little leash, but because I knew my man.
Renza would get drunk, get high, get sleepy, and still climb behind the wheel like bein’ a Mensah made him immune to crashin’ into a damn pole.
He had been at his cousin’s weddin’, and even though I wasn’t invited for whatever fuckin’ reason, I knew enough about that family to know they didn’t do nothin’ small.
A weddin’ with them meant liquor everywhere, weed everywhere, music loud enough to shake walls, and grown ass people actin’ like they didn’t have no sense once the party got goin’.
I wasn’t mad at him for havin’ fun. I wasn’t even mad that he forgot to text me for a few hours.
I was mad because after all them calls, a woman at a hotel front desk ended up with his phone, and once I found out that part, my mind didn’t need much help puttin’ the rest of that shit together.
I didn’t know what room was in, and the clerk couldn’t tell me much anyway, but that didn’t matter to me. My nigga was supposed to be at a weddin’ reception, not somewhere at a hotel with his phone left at the front desk like he had lost his damn mind.
Maybe another woman would’ve sat back and waited for a clean explanation, but I would never be that bitch. I wasn’t raised to ignore what was sittin’ right in my face. If Renza ended up at a hotel after a night of drinkin’, then I had every damn right to wonder who the hell he was with.
I stood in the middle of my condo with his hoodie in my hand, starin’ at the pile of his shit on my couch.
His spare charger was there, his slides was there, one of his watches that I bought sat on the side table, and the cologne he loved to leave behind on purpose was still on my dresser.
That was the thing about Renza. He always left pieces of himself around my place, like he wanted reminders of him everywhere I turned, but still acted like he couldn’t fully pull me into his world the way he knew I wanted.
That was what hurt beneath all the anger.
Renza loved me, and I knew that. I felt it in the way he touched me, the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn’t payin’ attention, and in the way he showed up when I needed him.
He could be funny as hell without even tryin’, always sayin’ some wild shit with the most serious face, and even when I was mad, that nigga knew how to pull a smile out of me before I could stop it.
He protected me in a way I wasn’t used to, and that meant more than he probably understood because I had always been the strong one.
I was the backbone in my family. Everybody called me when somethin’ needed fixin’, payin’, handlin’, or smoothin’ over.
I ran my salon, kept my Airbnb properties together, had my percentage in the hookah lounge, and still found time to check on everybody else before I checked on myself.
I had built my life with my own hands, and I was proud of that.
My salon, Renaissance Glam Studio, wasn’t just some pretty little shop either. I had booth renters, stylists under me, product shelves full of my oils, shampoos, conditioners, and growth treatments, and a name that held weight for women who wanted their hair done right.
I didn’t stand behind the chair as much as I used to because the business side had started makin’ more sense for me, but I still took clients when I felt like it.
For the past three years, I had been doin’ somethin’ different, too, offerin’ services to funeral homes when families needed hair done for loved ones who had passed.
That kind of work sat heavy on my spirit sometimes, especially when it was a child, but I couldn’t turn away from families who trusted me with somebody they loved for the last time.
That was just who I was. I took care of people.
And I took care of Renza too…
I cooked for him, bought him designer shit just because I thought he would look good in it, rubbed his back when he came to me quiet, and ran his bath water on nights when his face told me he had been carryin’ too much.
Sometimes he would come through with that hard look on him, smellin’ like smoke, outside, and whatever danger he had been standin’ too close to, and I never asked more than I needed to.
I knew what type of time Renza was on. I wasn’t no gangster, and I wasn’t tryna be one, but I knew my man wasn’t movin’ through life like some regular nine to five nigga.
Still, I had my limits…
I could love him hard, hold him down, and protect what we had, but I wasn’t about to let him play in my face.
That was where Renza and I kept bumpin’ heads.
He wanted all the comfort of a woman who loved him fully, but sometimes he still moved like a man who didn’t want to answer to nobody.
He loved his freedom. He loved bein’ at Pressure’s mansion, movin’ around with his cousins, disappearin’ into whatever business they had goin’, then comin’ back to me when he wanted peace.
Deep down, I felt like if he really let me all the way into his life, he knew it would require him to grow the fuck up in ways he kept dodgin’.
Because bein’ fully with me meant more than tellin’ me he loved me.
It meant not keepin’ me on the edge of his family. It meant not lettin’ me look stupid while his cousin’s wives acted like I wasn’t really there. Toni didn’t invite me to her weddin’ even though Renza said she would, and I wasn’t about to beg to be in a room where women didn’t care for me anyway.
Pluto textin’ him late at night already rubbed me the wrong way.
Then her crazy ass tried to make his plate in front of me, and maybe that was innocent to them, but I didn’t play that kind of friendly shit when it came to my nigga.
Call me whatever you wanted, but I knew when somethin’ felt disrespectful.
So, yes, I had put an AirTag in his shoe before. And no, I didn’t regret it.
People loved callin’ women crazy when they was reactin’ to being made uncomfortable, but I wasn’t about to sit around and let nobody convince me I was wrong for wantin’ to know what my man was doin’ when he was movin’ funny.
Renza knew I didn’t play that shit. He knew I had a mouth on me and an attitude when I was hurt, but he also knew I loved him from a real place. That was probably why he always found a way to calm me down, even when I swore I was done.
I picked up his hoodie and folded it too neatly for somebody I was mad at. That irritated me even more, so I tossed it on top of the pile and walked toward the kitchen, needin’ to move before I started cryin’ again.
My condo was too quiet, and the silence made everything feel worse.
Solé Gardens usually felt peaceful to me, with the view, the water, the soft furniture, the candles, and the little touches that made my space feel like mine, but right now it just felt like a place where I was standin’ alone with my feelins.
Then somebody banged on my door.
My whole body knew it was him before my mind even caught up.
“Reni,” Renza called from the other side, his voice deep and firm. “Open the door, baby.”
I stood still for a second, starin’ toward the door while my heart started actin’ stupid. I didn’t move until I heard his keys.
The second that lock started turnin’, I hurried across the room and flipped the top lock into place before he could push the door open. The knob moved again, then stopped, and I could picture his face on the other side clear as hell.
“Reni,” he said, this time with more tension in his voice. “Come on, baby. Open the door.”
“No.”
He tried the knob again like it was gon’ magically change. “Baby, don’t do that.”
I folded my arms and stared at the door with tears burnin’ in my eyes. “Get away from my door, Renza.”
“I’m not goin’ no fuckin’ where, girl,” he said. “Open up so I can talk to you.”
“You had all night to talk to me.”
“I ain’t cheat on you.”
I laughed, but it wasn’t because the shit was funny. “That’s not what the lady at the hotel front desk said.”
“I don’t give a fuck what she said,” he snapped, then lowered his voice like he caught himself. “I ain’t cheat on you, Reni. I put that on my life.”
“Don’t put shit on your life with me when you was at a hotel.”
“It was suites at the reception place, baby,” he said, soundin’ frustrated. “I got fucked up off liquor and edibles, and I ended up stayin’ in one of the suites. That’s all it was.”
I closed my eyes because I hated how bad I wanted that shit to be true. “Who was the bitch you was with, Renza?”
“Baby, it wasn’t no fuckin’ bitch. Open the door so I can love on you.”
My hand lifted toward the lock before I caught myself and snatched it back down.
That was exactly why I couldn’t open the door.
Renza was a fantastic ass lover, and he knew it too. He could kiss on me, hold me, fuck me real good, and have me forgettin’ half the shit I was mad about before I even finished cussin’ him out. I knew myself too well to pretend like I wasn’t weak for this nigga when he got close enough.
“No,” I said again, lower this time.
“Reni.”
“Leave me alone.”
“I love you.”
I pressed my lips together and looked away from the door.
“I know you hear me,” he kept goin’. “You know I love you. You know I wouldn’t do no dumb shit like that to you.”
“You don’t get to tell me what I know when you had me callin’ your phone all night like somethin’ happened to you.”
“I’m here now.”
“And that’s supposed to fix it?”
“No,” he said, his voice softer. “But I’m here to fix it.”