Chapter 14
Trill-Land, ’LoLux Estate
Three days later…
Today, I was leaving Kay’Lo’s for good.
I had my duffel bag slung over my shoulder, packed and ready. I stood on the front steps for a minute, lettin’ the cigarette burn between my fingers while I looked out past the gates, takin’ it in without feelin’ the need to rush off just yet.
I had been here for months, and it was long enough for it to stop feeling temporary.
What started as me just helping Kay’Lo through his trial turned into something else without me even noticing when it happened.
I got used to the house, the noise, the way people moved in and out like it was normal and the way everybody showed up for each other whether they felt like it or not.
I had been around family my whole life, but this felt different from anything I was used to.
People checked on you without making it a thing, and you could sit in the same room with somebody, not say a word, and still feel like you wasn’t by yourself.
Kay’Lo gave me that without ever putting it into words, and his people moved the same way, like I had already been built into it without no extra effort.
His mom spoke to me with grace. His dad looked me in my eyes when he talked to me. Even his aunts, with the way they carried themselves, still found a way to make space for me like I wasn’t just some outsider passing through their family. That was the kind of shit that stayed with you.
I took a slow drag from the cigarette, lettin’ it sit in my chest before I exhaled, watchin’ the smoke drift off while my mind moved somewhere I had been trying not to let it go.
I was thinking about Sha’Nelle, but I didn’t let it sit long.
I already knew if I stayed there too long, I was gon’ start questioning myself, and I wasn’t in the space to do that.
I had made my decision already, and I stood on it for a reason.
That night in the hotel had changed something between us, and I felt it just as clear as she did.
That wasn’t no regular moment we could laugh off and go back to how it was before.
That was something that could turn into more, and I knew myself well enough to know I wasn’t ready to handle that the right way.
’Nelle deserved consistency. She deserved somebody who was sure about what they were stepping into, and I couldn’t give her that without second guessing myself halfway through it.
I wasn’t about to be the reason she ended up looking at me different later.
I stepped back, and it wasn’t because I didn’t feel nothing… but because I did.
I flicked the ash off the cigarette when another thought pushed its way in right behind her.
I thought about my brother, Bishop…
That situation sat deeper than I let on, even to myself.
I hadn’t said shit about it out loud. My sister had called me like it was just another regular conversation, talking like she always do.
Then she slipped it in like it wasn’t nothing, telling me Bishop was having a baby with Harlow as if that was just news I was supposed to hear, process, and move on from.
I didn’t react the way she probably expected me to either. I kept my voice even. I didn’t ask no extra questions or give her nothing to read into, and we got off the phone like it didn’t change shit for me. But that shit sat with me as soon as the line went dead.
I stayed looking at my phone for a second after that call, replaying the way she said it and how casual it sounded, like there wasn’t no history behind it or like it didn’t involve me at all.
Maybe that’s what made it hit the way it did. Not because I still wanted Harlow or because I was stuck on what we used to be, but because I knew what me and her had, what we was building before everything went left, and I knew how that ended.
I knew what she chose when I wasn’t there, and I knew what I walked into when I came home and saw my brother standing in a space I put together for us.
So, hearin’ that she was carrying his child now, after she got rid of mine, did something to me. It also meant that she would be a part of my family forever.
I didn’t lash out about it or call nobody else in the family, looking for answers, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel it.
“You plannin’ on standin’ out here all day or you actually leavin’?” Kay’Lo’s voice came from behind me.
I glanced back at him and let out a light breath through my nose. “I’m leaving.”
He walked up beside me, looking at the bag on my shoulder before looking back at my face. “Just makin’ sure. You look like you thinkin’ too hard.”
I shrugged a little. “Comes with it.”
He smirked. “Yeah, well, don’t get yo’ ass ate up out there messin’ around in them mountains. You the type to go out there and forget you human.”
I let out a laugh, shakin’ my head. “I’ll be alright. I got what I need.”
“I know you do,” he replied, nodding once.
We stood there for a second after that, not talking, but just letting the moment sit without feeling like we had to fill it with anything extra.
Then, he stepped in and pulled me into a hug that was solid.
“I’m gon’ miss you,” he said low. “You part of this shit now whether you like it or not.”
I nodded once, patting his back before pulling away. “Same here. Y’all been more of a family to me than anything I came from.”
He didn’t argue it because he already knew.
We dapped each other up after that, our grip tight for a second before we let go, and right on time, the driver pulled through the gates.
I grabbed the rest of my bags, loaded up, and slid into the backseat without looking back too long.
As the car pulled off, I leaned back and let my head rest against the seat, my eyes moving toward the window while everything I had been keeping in started coming up without me trying to push it down this time.
I had spent months showing up for Kay’Lo, for his family, and for everything that needed to be handled without really taking a second to check in with myself. And, somewhere in the middle of all that, I stopped giving myself the same attention I had been giving everybody else.
That’s what this was for me… just stepping away long enough to clear my head and figure out where I was without all the noise around me, because I knew if I stayed in the middle of everything, I was gon’ keep pushing my own shit aside like it didn’t matter.
The road stretched out in front of me while the car kept moving, and for once, I wasn’t thinking about nobody else’s situation or what needed to be handled next.
I was thinking about what I needed, and I knew I wasn’t wrong for that.