Chapter 17 #3
Pressure got a couple right, then started missin’ shit.
Pluto shook her head. “You don’t listen.”
“I do listen,” he argued.
“No, you don’t,” she shot back.
We all laughed.
Kay’Lo missed one about Toni and she looked at him like she couldn’t believe it.
“Really?” she asked.
“I thought that was it,” he said.
“It’s not,” Pluto said, correctin’ it.
Nobody thought nothin’ of it, ’cause it was all jokes.
When it got to me and Reni, we started off cool and got the first couple questions right without it feelin’ like nothin’.
Pluto read the next question, and we both wrote our answers down. When we flipped our boards, mine matched Reni, but hers ain’t match mine.
Before Reni could even say somethin’, Pluto leaned forward. “No, that’s not it,” she said, already smilin’ like she knew she was right. “He doesn’t even do that. When we’re at the house, he always—”
Reni looked at her, not frownin’, but not smilin’ either. “Well, when he with me, he don’t ever mention that,” she said, keepin’ her tone even while she corrected it herself.
Pluto paused for a second, then smiled like it wasn’t nothin’. “I’m just sayin’ what I’ve seen.”
I glanced between them, then looked back down at my drink.
The next question came, and Reni took a second longer before she started writin’.
“What’s somethin’ he always says?”
We flipped our boards again. This time, mine and Pluto’s voice came at the same time.
“That’s right,” Pluto said, already noddin’.
Reni ain’t say nothin’ at first. She just looked at her board for a second, then erased it like the shit irritated her.
The game kept goin’, but it wasn’t sittin’ the same no more.
Every time Reni missed somethin’, Pluto had somethin’ to add. I ain’t feel like she was doin’ it in a disrespectful way. I took it as she knew me and the whole family well enough to correct all of us without thinkin’ twice.
Reni ain’t snap about it. She answered, adjusted and kept playin’. But I started to notice some shit.
It was the way she paused a lil’ longer before writin’, how her eyes flicked up every time Pluto spoke and the way she would respond. It was small, but it kept happenin’, and after a minute, I felt it sittin’ right next to me.
When I rested my hand on her thigh, she ain’t lean into me the way she had earlier. She stayed where she was, not pullin’ away, but not meetin’ me either.
I glanced at her for a second, then back at the game, lettin’ it ride.
After a while, the game started dyin’ down on its own, nobody really callin’ it, but you could feel it. Boards got set down, cards got pushed to the side and niggas started stretchin’ and movin’ around.
Kay’Lo stood first, reachin’ for Toni’s hand and pullin’ her up with him while she laughed at somethin’ he said under his breath. Pressure followed not too long after, helpin’ Pluto up carefully.
I pushed up from my seat and reached for Reni’s hand, pullin’ her up with me.
I pulled Toni in for a quick hug, then dapped Kay’Lo up right after, sayin’ somethin’ low to him that had him smirkin’. Pressure stepped in next, and we clasped hands before pullin’ into a quick hug.
“Y’all good?” he asked, glancin’ between me and Reni.
“Yeah,” I said, not thinkin’ too much on it.
He nodded once, then turned back toward Pluto.
I leaned down and gave Pluto a quick hug too, careful with her stomach and she smiled up at me like everything was still light.
Reni did her part too, givin’ quick hugs, and smiles, but I could feel the difference now that I was payin’ attention.
After that, everybody started movin’ they own way.
I kept her hand in mine as we walked off together, headin’ down the hall toward our room, but this time she wasn’t squeezin’ back like she usually did.
Soon as we got in the room, I tried to pull her in, kissin’ her neck, her cheek and lips. But she ain’t give a nigga shit back.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothin’,” she said, dry.
I looked at her. “Then why you actin’ like that?”
She shrugged, playin’ dumb. I watched her for a second, then thought about it.
“You good? Did somethin’ rub you wrong?”
She ain’t say nothin’, but the look she gave me told me enough.
I sighed. “This ’bout Pluto?”
She shifted. “It’s not that I feel some type of way… it’s just how she was so quick to jump in every time I got somethin’ wrong pertainin’ to you.”
I ran my hands down my face. “She did that with everybody.”
“That’s not the point,” she said.
“It’s not that deep, Reni,” I replied. “And I’m tired of goin’ back and forth about Pluto every time we all together.”
Her face changed soon as I said that, and I could tell I hit somethin’, the way she looked at me like she ain’t like what I just said but wasn’t sure how she wanted to respond to it yet.
“So now I’m pressed?” she asked, her tone already different.
“That’s what it’s startin’ to feel like,” I told her, not even raisin’ my voice, but just sayin’ it how it came out.
The look she gave me after that let me know everything I needed to know, and instead of goin’ back and forth with her about it, I just shook my head and walked off toward the bathroom to start the shower. I stood there, lettin’ the water run while I gave both of us a second to cool off.
When I stepped back out, I looked at her where she was still standin’. Her energy was closed off in a way I couldn’t ignore, and I asked her if she was comin’ to the shower with me.
“I’m good,” she replied, not even lookin’ my way.
I stood there for a moment, watchin’ her, then let out a low, frustrated breath before turnin’ back toward the bathroom, already knowin’ she wasn’t budgin’ and I wasn’t about to keep pushin’ the shit.
By the time I got out the shower, brushed my teeth, tied my hair down, and threw on some black sweatpants, she still hadn’t said nothin’. She got off the bed, walked past me, and started her shower.
Twenty-five minutes later, she came back in the room and slid in bed without sayin’ a word.
Her body was turned away from me like she had already made up in her mind that she wasn’t dealin’ with me tonight.
When I reached for her outta habit, tryna pull her closer, she stayed stiff under my touch to the point where I could feel it immediately, so I let my hand drop back to the mattress and just lay on my back.
I stared up at the ceilin’, my mind runnin’ while the silence between us stretched longer than I really wanted it to.
In my mind, I had been showin’ up for Reni. I brought her around my family when she said I didn’t. I started bein’ more consistent when she said I wasn’t. I brought her here to spend days with my family and celebrate my mama’s birthday, which was somethin’ that actually mattered to me.
Somehow, after all the adjustments I had made and the way I had been showin’ up for her, we was still right here in this same space, dealin’ with another moment where she pulled away and shut down on me like I did somethin’ wrong.
I let out a slow breath as I kept starin’ up at the ceilin’, my hands restin’ on my chest while my mind kept runnin’ through everything I had done to meet Reni where she said she needed me to be.
Instead of this shit feelin’ like progress, it started feelin’ like I was constantly fallin’ short no matter what the fuck I did.
And the more I laid there thinkin’ about it, the more it started settlin’ in that maybe it wasn’t even about what I was doin’ no more, ’cause for whatever reason, I was still endin’ up in a position where she felt unsatisfied.
I was left tryna figure out how to fix somethin’ that ain’t feel like it had a clear answer.
That shit didn’t sit right with me at all, and whether I said it out loud or not, it had me startin’ to feel like maybe I just wasn’t enough for Reni in the way she needed me to be.