Chapter 39
TrillCare Medical Center
I ain’t know what the future held for my wife, and all I could do was stand in the hospital hallway feelin’ useless as hell.
They had her on the stretcher, pushin’ her past me fast while they was talkin’ over each other, and I caught a glimpse of all the blood on her before they turned the corner and took her from me.
I couldn’t do shit but stand there while they disappeared with my wife, while Auntie Treasure was right behind them holdin’ my baby and tryna keep up, callin’ out instructions and keepin’ her voice calm even though I knew she saw how bad it was.
One minute she was in the tub bringin’ my baby into the world, and the next minute it was blood everywhere and voices movin’ too fast for me to keep up with, and I could still hear my baby cryin’ behind me while everything else was fallin’ apart in front of me.
Before I could even process what the fuck was goin’ on, they was pullin’ her away from me and tellin’ me I couldn’t go with her, and all I could do was turn back and see my daughter in Auntie Treasure’s arms while my wife was gettin’ taken from me.
I don’t even remember what I said. I know I was talkin’, and I know I was askin’ questions, but none of that shit mattered ’cause nobody was givin’ me nothin’ solid to hold on to.
All I knew was Pluto was bleedin’ real bad. That alone had my heart breakin’ in a way I ain’t never felt before.
I ain’t do hospitals, and everybody knew that. I ain’t like sittin’ around waitin’ on somebody to tell me what the fuck was goin’ on with somebody I loved. I was used to bein’ the one in control, the one makin’ calls and fixin’ shit, but there wasn’t nothin’ I could fix right now.
I pulled my phone out with shaky hands and called my mama ’cause I ain’t even know what else to do, and when she answered, I ain’t even try to hold that shit together.
“Ma… they just took Pluto in the back. She bleedin’ bad,” I told her, my voice rough while I paced the hallway like a caged animal.
She ain’t panic like me. She just asked me which hospital, told me she was on her way and to stay right here, and I needed that ’cause my mind was already driftin’ to a place I ain’t wanna go.
It was goin’ to a thought I couldn’t even fully sit with, ’cause the idea of Pluto dyin’ on me ain’t even sound real enough for me to accept it.
I ran my hand over my head and tried to breathe, but every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was her in the tub, her face goin’ pale while she told me she ain’t feel right, and feelin’ like I should’ve caught it sooner. I should’ve did somethin’ different. I should’ve…
I shook my head hard ’cause I was startin’ to spiral, and I couldn’t afford that right now.
Time ain’t even make sense no more. Minutes felt long as hell, and every time them double doors opened, my heart jumped up into my throat hopin’ it was somebody comin’ to tell me somethin’ about my wife.
When my parents finally got here, my mama had my baby in her arms, wrapped up and quiet. For a split second I looked at her, but I couldn’t even let myself stay there ’cause my wife was in the back fightin’ for her life.
My pops walked up on me and grabbed me by the back of my neck, pullin’ me in close, and I ain’t even fight it. I let him hold me a second ’cause he already knew what it was with me.
It felt like everything I built, and everything I loved, was sittin’ behind them doors and I ain’t have no control over whether I was gon’ lose it or not.
After what felt like forever, a doctor finally came down the hallway, and I swear my legs almost gave out the fuck out.
I pushed off the wall and walked toward him, but my body felt off, like I wasn’t all the way there.
“Are you her husband?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said quick. “Yeah, that’s my wife. She good?”
He nodded, and that one movement alone damn near took me to my knees.
“She’s stable,” he said. “She had what’s called a postpartum hemorrhage. She lost a significant amount of blood after delivery, but we were able to stop the bleeding.”
I swallowed hard, tryna keep up with what he was sayin’ while my heart was still beatin’ out my chest.
“We gave her medication to help her uterus contract and slow the bleeding, and we also had to give her fluids and blood to replace what she lost,” he continued. “She responded well. She’s going to be okay.”
I nodded fast, wipin’ my face with the back of my hand ’cause tears had already slipped out and I ain’t even realize it.
“She awake?” I asked.
“She will be shortly,” he said. “You can see her once we get her settled.”
I nodded again, thankin’ him even though I ain’t even know what I was sayin’, and as soon as he walked off, I bent forward and put my hands on my knees, tryna pull myself together.
I ain’t never been that scared in my life, and it wasn’t even about me, it was about my wife, and everything we built together. The thought of losin’ Pluto and bein’ left here to figure this shit out without her ain’t even sound real to me.
When they finally let me go back to see her, my chest was tight all over again, but this time I wasn’t about to crash the fuck out.
My wife was alive…
When I walked into the room and saw her laid up in bed, hooked up to machines, pale and tired, it hit me all over again just how close I came to losin’ her.
I walked over slow, like if I moved too fast, somethin’ would go wrong. When I finally got to her, I leaned down and wrapped my arms around her carefully, holdin’ her close while I pressed my face into her neck.
“Baby…” I said low, my voice crackin’ ’cause I couldn’t hold that shit in no more. “I love you. I love you so much.”
She started cryin’ too, her hands comin’ up weak but still reachin’ for me, and I kissed her face over and over, not even carin’ how I looked right now.
“I’m sorry,” I told her, shakin’ my head. “We ain’t gotta do this shit no more. I’m done with that. I ain’t puttin’ you through this again.”
She nodded, cryin’ harder now, and I wiped her tears even though mine was still fallin’ too.
A lil’ while later, my mama and pops came in with our baby, and when my mama placed her in Pluto’s arms, the room changed in a way I can’t even explain.
Pluto looked down at her, cryin’ and smilin’ at the same time, and I stepped back for a second just watchin’ them together, takin’ in the fact that my family was still here and still breathin’ after how close I came to losin’ everything in one day.
My pops came up behind me and pulled me into him again, and I ain’t fight that shit either. I needed that.
When I finally stepped forward, I reached down and picked my daughter up, holdin’ her carefully while tears kept slidin’ down my face.
I looked at her for a second, really takin’ her in, and then I kissed the top of her head.
“Hey Isley,” I said low. “Daddy love you.”
I held her close and looked over at Pluto, and in this moment, I knew one thing for sure…
I had to tighten the fuck up.
This shit wasn’t just about me no more. It wasn’t about layin’ up with my wife whenever I wanted and not thinkin’ past that moment, and about what could come behind it or what it could cost us.
I almost lost my wife bringin’ my child into this world, and that reality hit me in a way nothin’ else ever had.
I knew right then I couldn’t keep movin’ the same way. I couldn’t keep treatin’ this shit like it was just that simple, ’cause Pluto’s life mattered more than anything in the world to me.
I wasn’t ever lettin’ myself forget what this day almost took from me.