Yani #2
I took the gifts and rushed them upstairs and out of sight. Paxton and I were doing so good and now Trust threw a wrench into the equation. He knew how I felt and about that ring, him, and us as a whole. He was toying with me.
“Baby where you at?”
Paxton called out for me, and I scurried down to him. I didn’t need any more confusion added on to the pile I was already dealing with.
“Right here. Sorry, it was a package Dawn had delivered here.” The lie seemed to roll off my tongue effortlessly.
“Oh okay. What you doing later? I was thinking we could go catch a movie or something. Just spend time where there isn’t a bed.”
I chuckled off his comment but understood why he said what he said. Ever since we connected at my event, we had seized every opportunity to become one. We could use some fresh air.
“I’m free baby. We can definitely do that. If something comes up, I’ll be sure to let you know ahead of time.”
“Cool. I have to head home, go by the office, and handle some paperwork. I should be done by six. Just hit me when you’re ready.”
“I will do that.”
A kiss was placed on my lips and the contact we quickly shared lingered momentarily.
“Breakfast was delicious much like yourself. I’ll hit you later.”
I nodded and he left me to my lonesome. I didn’t move a muscle until I heard the front door shut.
Once it did, I anxiously dialed Calina’s number.
I needed her to meet me at my house as soon as possible.
My head was spinning, and I didn’t know what to do or think.
So much was presented to me in a twenty-four-hour span.
She never answered but shot me with a text instead.
What’s up Yani?
Are you busy?
Not for real. I’m picking something up for Derrick but that’s about it. Why?
I’m in a fuckin’ twilight zone. I need you to come to the crib ASAP.
Give me twenty minutes.
After agreeing, I threw the phone on the counter, then headed upstairs to put some clothes on.
Lina was going to be mind fucked the same way I was, and drinks could be in the future for us.
By the time I was presentable and stepping off the steps, she was pulling in.
I went straight for the door with the gift bag in tow.
When I seen she got out with a bottle of alcohol, I felt relieved. She understood the assignment without me having to go into details. I was sure she heard the words twilight zone and thought the worse. I stood with the door open waiting for her to reach me.
“You pulled me away from my man. This better be alcohol worthy.” She held up the bottle and passed by me entering the crib heading straight for the kitchen.
I followed behind and let her do her thing. She grabbed two shot glasses, us a Red Bull a piece, and took a seat at the island beside me. Before she popped the top, she reached over and gave me a genuine hug. It was one that I needed. The shots began right after.
“So, you know I’ve been spending time with Paxton and everything, right? Well, we kind of had a talk last night and although we didn’t become exclusive, we set boundaries for us not dealing with anyone else. However, when I was fixing him breakfast this morning, this came.”
I slid the bag in her direction, and she gave me a look asking what the fuck it was. I was just waiting on her reaction after she read the card. I knew how she would react to the ring, but I was sure all that would change once she realized who it was from.
Like expected, she checked out the ring first. “Friend, this is absolutely beautiful. Did Paxton do this?” I said nothing as she kept digging and came across the card.
I allowed her to take her time, but she didn’t even get off the first line good before she closed it and dropped it back inside.
“You would be a damn fool if you entertained whatever it is he said.”
“Lina —”
“Don’t say my name Yani because you know I’m right. I witnessed you shed way too many tears behind his ass these last few years. This ring is supposed to do what… signify his love for you?”
“I don’t know but it has me conflicted now more than ever.”
I dropped my head, and she poured us up a double shot. We both sat there in silence for minutes at a time repeating the same motion. I hadn’t felt the effects of the liquor and I was guessing that it was due to how stressed out I was.
“Alright, this is me not being judgmental because I’ve been through this with Marlon.
Love is so damn tricky and can steer us in the wrong direction sometimes.
With me, I just knew Marlon was the one and that eventually he would get his shit together.
I endured so much because of him promising me that he would marry me and do right by me. You know what I went through Yani.”
“I do, and I thought about it countless times. Why do you think I called you and no one else? You know how I feel about Trust so I was hoping you could talk some sense into me.”
“Yeah, I do. I also know how many times you called me crying, yelling, and screaming about Trust as well. You wanting me to talk sense into you means you pretty much made your mind up. What is the purpose behind this?”
Taking the shot that was poured, I thought on it all.
It was clear that Trust was proposing to me, but I was forming something good with Pax.
He was such a sweetheart, and the treatment was ten times better.
I had security with him but when it came to Trust, I had nothing but doubts running through my mind.
“He wants me back and if you would’ve read the card then you would’ve seen that he proposed. He wants me to meet him at The Cartel tonight to tell him yes or no. The thing is, I don’t know what my response is for real.”
“Paxton is a good guy Yani. I’ve seen you genuinely smile behind him just being mentioned. You didn’t hold this light when you dealt with Trust. It’s a no brainer.”
It truly wasn’t but comfortability versus new beginnings had presented itself.
On one hand, I knew what Trust was about.
His fuck up was Xara but outside of her, he was a standup guy.
Paxton brought on such good vibes that I believed every word that left his lips.
I knew where I should stay but Brendon played a factor as well.
He didn’t bother to give Paxton a chance.
He loved his father and wanted us to work out our issues. I was in turmoil.
Calina getting a call from Derrick was exactly what I needed. She left, giving me some time to decide whether Trust was getting his visit or not. I could easily ignore his request and continue my life with Paxton, or I could show and hear him out.
I continued to drink and let the liquor take control. Within the next hour, I was getting dressed and heading to Trust with the ring in tow. He wanted an answer in person and I had one for him.
The Cartel was in OKC and although I wasn’t drunk, I was buzzed and had the courage to face Trust. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I knew what I was going to say.
It took me years to realize what was happening between us and now that I had a clear vision on the kind of relationship Trust and I should’ve had, I was standing behind it.
When I arrived, my nerves were still settled.
I wasn’t second guessing my mission or thoughts.
I was there to put some straightening on shit and that was all.
Trust no longer had the advantage of dictating how my life ran.
I dedicated entirely too much to him and making him happy, now it was my turn.
My feet didn’t stop moving until I was standing in front of room 214. We became exclusive on Valentine’s Day, and we celebrated with each other every year in this room. So many memories were created here.
Releasing a deep breath, I finally knocked and waited to be greeted. It was a little after seven but if I knew Trust like I thought I did, he would wait all night for me.
The door was opened and everything I wanted to say was momentarily on hold. Trust looked so damn good. Months a part did him justice. He had always been attractive, but he brought forth a grown man’s swag tonight and not that street shit I was used to.
“Damn baby. I didn’t think I could miss you even more than I did but now that I see you, the effects are ten times worse.”
“Hi Trust. Am I allowed to come in or do you need to check with Xara first?”
“Yani, we didn’t come here for that. Come in so we can settle this.”
He moved to the side giving me room to pass. I walked inside and took a seat in the sofa. I began to stare at the bed we conceived Brendon on. Being in this room with him, brought on so many emotions and the decision I had made was quickly fading away.
Trust was supposed to be the one I spent the rest of my life with, but he made so many mistakes that caused our bond to collapse.
We vowed year after year that we wouldn’t allow anyone to take what we had but somewhere along the way, he lost sight of that promise, and let someone else experience him in a way that should’ve been reserved for me and Brendon only.
“Why did you send this to my house Trust? Me and you are done.” I held up the box.
“Yani you and I will never be done, and it’s not because of our son. We know each other better than anyone else. Can’t nobody love us the way we can each other.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. The Trust I fell in love with adored me and made sure my happiness was a priority.
The nigga I was sleeping beside for the last three years was not him.
I don’t know you anymore and I’m perfectly fine with that.
It was a wishful thought that we would end up growing old together. ”
I was becoming emotional fast. Discussing my feelings with Trust was never supposed to happen. I was supposed to move on, heal, and be okay with the new path I set out on. This conversation was hindering all of that.
“I brought you here to answer any questions truthfully, give you all the explanations, and whatever else you need. I don’t want to lie to you anymore. We were good, great even, and I messed all that up. I’m here to put my cards on the table, and hopefully, leave here with you as my woman again.”
I heard him and as bad as I wanted to call him out on his lies, I believed what he said. However, I was going to test his intentions.
“Answer me this, the house y’all share—”
“Regardless of her being a nurse, her credit is shit. I co-signed so that our daughter could be out the hood and that’s it. Brendon not near it and I don’t want Truce near it,” he cut me off responding before I could fully ask.
I understood that completely. Once we had Brendon, I was ready to get the hell out of the hood and somewhere he could be free. I couldn’t be upset about that.
“Alright. Addressing the elephant in the room, why did you cheat on me in the first place?”
“Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. Back then, I saw something new and exciting and wanted to try it.
Buy a Heart had just started to take off and the less time you had for me, I found in someone else.
I’m not saying I cheated because of that because that’s far from the truth.
You were out getting yo’ paper and I’ll never stop you from doing that.
I just got comfortable dealing with someone else.
A nigga thought he was out here being slick, and I ended up losing the best thing that happened to me. ”
I expected his excuse to be because of something I did and then maybe I could accept it, but his explanation just explained him being a man.
Maybe if I neglected him or wasn’t affectionate to him anymore, it would be easier to swallow but he did what he did because he wanted to be greedy. There was no other way to put it.
It hurt knowing I wasn’t enough. I was out grinding, and he was just doing him. He didn’t care about his dirt getting out, that was clear. I really wanted to let my frustrations out on him by beating his ass one good time, but it would resolve nothing.
I stared at him and everything I felt for him was banging against my heart.
Tears started streaming just from me acknowledging how much love I held for him.
I matured with him and knowing I should choose Paxton I couldn’t deny that Trust still had a hold on me.
I avoided him for this very reason. My heart was breaking all over again.
“Can I?”
He was asking to comfort me, and I allowed it.
Nodding, he slid over closer and brought me into his embrace.
Being so damn close to him was a feeling I missed.
His smell, his touch, his everything. I thought I was progressing with not having him in my life as my significant other, but this just showed I indeed wasn’t.
“I can apologize a million times over and it wouldn’t be enough. I hurt you and that shit eats at me every day. I just want to make you smile again baby. I fucked us up and I’ll spend every day making it up to you if you allow me back in.”
Walk away Yani. You have a good man trying to love you. Don’t give in.
A finger was placed under my chin and our lips connected. So much for walking away. That kiss kidnapped me and brought me back into a relationship that had me on an emotional rollercoaster for the past three years.
“One more time and that’s all you get, Trust.”
What the hell am I doing?