Chapter Four #2
The space was a decent size, with a massive screen mounted on one wall and plush couches arranged in front of it.
The overhead lights were off, but small wall sconces cast a soft, amber glow that made Ellie’s skin look like polished marble.
She released my arm and stepped away, putting distance between us that felt like miles.
“Why did you do that?” She didn’t sound angry, but her voice had a cool quality to it there had never been before. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, her eyes wide and dark in the low light.
I ran a hand through my hair, struggling to find words that wouldn’t make me sound like an animal or a possessive asshole. “He was touching you.”
“So you decided to announce to everyone that I’m yours?” She crossed her arms, but I noticed she hadn’t backed farther away. If anything, she’d shifted slightly closer. “Last time I checked, I hadn’t agreed to that kind of arrangement.”
“I know.” I sighed, the adrenaline from earlier draining away, leaving me feeling raw and exposed. “I fucked up. I just… saw his hands on you and something snapped.” I scrubbed a hand over my face, then back through my hair again in agitation.
“You’ve been avoiding me for three days,” she pointed out. “After kissing me and then running away like I had the plague.”
“Wasn’t running from you,” I said quietly. The truth struggled to climb out of my throat, words I hadn’t spoken aloud in years fighting to be heard. “Was running from this. From feeling anything.”
Ellie’s expression softened slightly. She took a step toward me, close enough now that I could smell the subtle fragrance of her perfume. Something sweet and dark, like toasted caramel and midnight.
“What are you so afraid of?” she asked.
I took a deep breath, the air filling my lungs with her scent. My shoulders rose and fell heavily as I searched for the right words.
“After my niece died from leukemia,” I began, the words scraping my throat raw, “I didn’t want to be tied to anyone again.
” Her eyes widened slightly, but she didn’t interrupt.
“Long story, but the short of it is, her mother died in childbirth with her second child. Their first daughter, Larissa, died at age six. My brother killed himself the night after Larissa’s funeral.
Our parents both died when we were in our late teens, and we never really connected with anyone at the foster home we kept in touch with.
So once Larissa and my brother were gone, it was just me.
” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “When they locked me up, it was almost a relief,” I continued.
“Nothing to care about, no one to lose.” I swallowed hard.
“Then I got out, found the club, found a family I wasn’t looking for.
And now you showed up with your cats and your Halloween shit and your smile, and those eyes so full of fuckin’ compassion and sunshine, and I just… ”
I trailed off, frustrated by my inability to articulate the storm inside me. Ellie took another step closer, close enough now that I could feel the heat radiating from her body.
“You just what?” she prompted softly.
“I can’t promise you forever,” I told her, my voice rough with emotion I usually kept buried. “I’m not built for that anymore. But I want to try because there’s never been a woman who’s affected me the way you have from the moment I first saw you.”
The confession hung between us, heavy and raw.
I waited for her to step back, to recognize the broken mess she was dealing with and run for the hills.
Not to mention the fact we’d just met and I basically told her I’d like to try to see if there was a forever inside me.
For her. No. She didn’t tell me to fuck off.
Not my little Ellie. Instead, she moved closer, her hand coming up to rest lightly against my chest, right over my thundering heart.
“I’m not asking for forever,” she said. “I’m just asking for now.
For you to stop running every time you feel something.
You need to live in the moment. Don’t live your life in the background because you’re afraid to lose something precious.
Learn to protect it as best you can. Control the things you can.
Prepare for the things you can’t as best you can.
But the universe decides. You have to hold their memory tight in your heart.
And know they wouldn’t want you to suffer because the universe decided someone needed them more than you did. ”
If this had come from anyone else, I’d have laughed in their face. I’d have called them all kinds of crazy and delusional and motherfucker, but all I had to do was look into Ellie’s eyes and know she meant every Goddamned word she said. She truly saw life the way she described.
I stared at her, this woman who had somehow slipped past every barrier I’d ever built and in only the space of a few days.
Her words somehow changed me. Stripped me bare.
And she still had no idea about my past or why I’d gone to prison.
I’d give her more than anyone other than Knuckles.
Thing was, what terrified me most wasn’t that she might leave.
It was that she might stay and become so important to me that losing her would destroy whatever was left of me.
Her eyes held mine, searching. I saw no judgment there, only an openness and the pure belief of what she said. She made my fucking chest ache. This woman, with her weird cats and her smelly witches’ brew, somehow saw past all my walls, all my defenses.
“For you, I could try,” I promised, the words feeling like a vow.
Something shifted in her expression, her body leaning toward mine like a flower seeking sunlight. I closed the remaining distance between us, one hand coming up to cup her face while the other slid around her waist, pulling her against me.
When our lips met, it was different from our first kiss.
No hesitation, no surprise. Just heat and hunger and the strange, fragile feeling of falling into something I couldn’t control.
She made a soft sound against my mouth, her hands sliding up my chest to rub over my shoulders, then around my neck.
I could have lost myself in that kiss, drowned in it willingly. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew if we didn’t slow down now, we wouldn’t stop at all. And she deserved better than a quick fuck in the theater room with the club waiting outside.
I broke the kiss, pressing my forehead against hers as we both struggled to catch our breath. Her eyes remained closed, her lips slightly parted and swollen from my kiss. And the most beautiful, softest smile on her face I’d ever seen in my fucking life.
“Let’s go back to the party,” I said softly.
Her eyes opened, surprise and confusion clear in their depths. “What?”
“We can talk. Get to know each other.” I brushed my thumb across her lower lip. “Think of it as speed dating.”
A slow smile spread across her face, lighting up her eyes in a way that made my heart stutter. “Speed dating with a room full of bikers watching our every move?”
“They’re invested now,” I said dryly. “Got money riding on us.”
She laughed, the sound washing over me like a balm. “Well, we shouldn’t disappoint them, should we?”
I took her hand, twining my fingers with hers.
It felt right, her small hand in mine. And, oh, my fucking God, when the fuck did I fucking hold hands with a woman?
Whatever this was between us, whatever it might become, I wasn’t running from it.
I wasn’t running from life. For the first time in years, I thought I wanted to stay, to see where this road might lead.
“No,” I agreed, squeezing her hand gently. “We definitely shouldn’t disappoint them.”