Chapter 66 Zadyn
ZADYN
Istorm back to my room after the council meeting, only to find that Serena has beaten me there. My muscles lock, freezing me in place.
Great.
This is the last thing I want to deal with right now. I can barely look at her after last night. I debate walking right back out the door and avoiding her for as long as possible, but I can’t outrun her forever.
I’m bound to her. There is no escaping. I can only turn and face my torturous fate.
“Zadyn, I hate this.” She moves toward me, her shoulders sinking as she hits me with a pleading look. “What can I do? What can I say to make things right?”
I brush past her to the armoire and snatch my jacket from inside. “There’s nothing you need to do or say, Serena. You did nothing wrong.”
“Well, it really feels like I fucked up somehow.”
“You know, contrary to your belief, not everything is about you.” I punch my arm through my sleeve.
“Oh, so your piss-poor mood right now has nothing to do with last night? With me? Great. Cool.”
“It’s my problem to deal with. Not yours.”
“Zadyn—where are you going?”
“I’m still the king’s emissary. I have business to tend to.”
I refrain from telling her that the business Jace has “tasked” me with involves me finding out whatever I possibly can in order to break her bargain with Kylian. Which I was planning to do, anyway.
Am I being purposefully vague and elusive about it? Maybe a little. Sue me.
“Oh, so now we’re being secretive?”
“I thought we were allowed to have secrets.”
“Zadyn, please. Don’t treat me like this.”
Sighing, I turn back to her. “I just—I need time, Serena. I think we both do.”
Disappointment creeps over her perfect face, and I feel a stab of pain knowing I’m the one causing it. Shoving it down, I start to exit the room, but her voice stops me in the doorway.
“I meant what I said last night,” she says. “I do want you. And I do love you. I’m just really confused right now. I’m trying to figure it out. I’m sorry.”
Rare words from her.
“I’m sorry,” she repeats, no louder than a whisper.
And instead of showing her compassion, instead of saying, I appreciate you telling me that, I nod once, wrenching open the door and say, “Got it.”
I stare at the odd-looking bird in Gnorr’s study. It peers back with eyes too aware for a small winged creature, its snow-white feathers ruffling as Gnorr’s wrinkled hands tuck it back inside the cage.
“I found her with a broken wing. Nursed her back to health. I tried setting her free after she had healed, but she seemed quite content to stay.” Settling into the chair behind her desk, she waits for me to speak.
“Madame Gnorr, I need to ask you something.”
“What is it, child?”
“It’s about a bargain. Serena made a deal to leave here with Kylian. To marry him.” I pause. “Is there any way for it to be undone?”
“Aside from both parties agreeing to dissolve the bargain? No. It cannot be broken. Not short of death.”
Acid eats through my stomach. “But Kylian will never agree to that.”
Reaching across the desk, she pats my hand. “It is her path to walk. Have faith in her.”
“I have all the faith in the world in her. And still I wouldn’t risk her like this.”
“To love someone is to risk everything. But I think you already know that.” She appraises me with cool blue eyes. I shift forward in my seat, desperation creeping into my voice.
“What can I do? There has to be something. If she goes with him…”
“You fear you’ll be parted from her forever.”
Sick at the very thought, I nod.
“I’ve not known the girl long, but I do know that she will not balk at a challenge. No matter how much you beg and plead, it is not in her nature to bend. Not with blood like hers.”
I sit there for a moment, at a loss, the lump in my throat growing sharper with each breath.
Gnorr may not think it’s possible, but I’m not giving up. I’ll do whatever it takes. Sell my soul if I have to.
Thanking her for her time, I stand and move to the door.
“She will not choose.” Gnorr’s voice stills my hand on the knob. “So you must make the choice. Either accept who and what she is, and all the unwanted things that come with that, or walk away. Before you no longer can.”
Glancing back over my shoulder, I say, “There is no part of her I don’t want.”
“It isn’t her I’m referring to.” She gives me a knowing look before turning back to her dove.
Serena bursts into the library a few hours later carrying a linen-wrapped bundle, our friends in tow. Clearly, she has no idea what space means.
I’m almost grateful. Because as much as we both need it, it’s the last thing on earth I want.
“We brought snacks.” She offers me a timid smile, and I try not to gawk at her as she dumps the contents of her arms out onto the table. “You skipped breakfast.”
Eaton plops down beside me as she flips open the cloth. Inside are buttered biscuits, grapes, some wedges of cheese, and a few tiny quiches.
“I didn’t know what you’d want, so I brought options.”
She’s trying to atone. As if she has a reason to be sorry when I’m the one who made the foolish mistake of kissing her. I feel like a dick for the cold shoulder I’ve thrown her way. But she’s not giving up.
“So thoughtful, isn’t she, Zadyn?” Eaton gives me a deviant smile, each word loaded with irony.
Bastard.
“That’s—thank you.” I finally allow my eyes to link with Serena’s. And then I’m thinking about leaning over the table to thank her with a kiss. I’m thinking about drinking from her mouth, sucking at her skin, sinking my teeth into her—fuck.
I’m almost certain everyone in the room is aware of the shift in the air. My cheeks heat, and it’s only made worse when I catch the look Mar gives me as she slides into a chair. I shoot her a quick scowl before forcing the lustful images from my mind.
“How’s the research going?” Dover slips into the seat beside his mate, taking in the spread of books before me.
“Slow. I could use another set of eyes.”
“You’ve got five.” Mar gestures to the group. “Well, four. Kai is certainly illiterate.”
“That’s because my education was better spent on learning how to be the finest lover in all the kingdoms.” He puckers his lips and makes a kissy sound at Mar as he slumps onto the couch behind us.
“Actually, make that three sets of eyes,” Serena says. “Jace wants to take me out to train with Furi for a few hours. To try wielding.”
“Oh.” I try to sound casual about it, but do I think it’s a horrible idea for her to be alone with Jace? Absolutely.
Do I think he’s a dog for being engaged and still undoubtedly trying to have his cake and eat it too? Absolutely.
Though I thought he was a dog long before he and Sorscha were ever engaged.
I clear my throat. “I think that’s a good idea.”
Or it would be if anyone but Jace was teaching her. She’ll be too busy making eyes at him to even absorb a word he says.
And he’ll be licking it right up.
“I’ll leave you to it, then. Kai, get off the ladder with that leg,” Serena warns as he whizzes past, dangling from a rung despite the injury that still sometimes bothers him.
“She’s right. Don’t come crying to me to heal you when you’re sore tonight,” Mar pipes, sliding one of the thick tomes toward her.
Their bickering fades to background noise as Serena reaches the doorway, pausing to take one last look at me before disappearing into the hall.