Chapter 39 #2
“I know I can be a bit much sometimes.” His voice is shaking, and fuck if it doesn’t cause my eyes to start welling. “I need you to know everything I do is for you. For your safety, for your comfort.”
I’m so aware of that.
But I’m just too damaged to accept it.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever truly heal from what Luke did to me…
” My hand flies to the scar on my leg, my other hand shaking out invisible nerves as Xander waits patiently for me to continue.
I force out a breath. “But I’m willing to try.
I need you to be patient with me,” I whisper, grabbing his face in my hands now.
“Anything,” his voice cracks. “Fucking anything for you. You want me to get on my knees and beg? I will do it. You need me to build you a studio using my bare hands? I will fucking do it, Camila.”
I press a kiss on his soft lips. His tongue snakes out and dances with mine.
“Okay,” I whisper. “Let’s go on that walk before it gets dark.”
Sid prances beside us as we walk along the riverbank. The sun is setting over the horizon, casting soft pink hues over the breathtaking landscape. Fresh, woodland air fills our lungs—it feels peaceful for once. Just being able to be ourselves and talk. About everything.
“Look,” I gasp, pointing over the other side of the river where cherry blossoms sit on a small hill. “Do you like cherry blossoms?”
“They’re one of my favourite flowers,” he confesses with a small smile on his lips.
“Mine too. They’re beautiful.”
He swallows. “They were raining down while Dad was being buried.” His voice is thick with emotion, vacant eyes staring out at the blossoms. “As much as I resent him for what he did, I miss him every day. He was my only peace before me and Jac built a life for ourselves. In… spirit, of course.”
My chest tightens, and I wrap my arms around him.
We sway gently to the silence of the woodland and gently flowing river. Breathing each other in. Silently paying homage to who I’m sure was a wonderful father for Xander.
Sid’s dirty pawprints carry into the lodge as Xander flicks on the warm lights.
I take a quick glance at him, suppressing a grin. He sighs, throwing his head back and pinching the bridge of his nose like he’s composing himself.
I unwrap my scarf and hang my coat on the hanger next to the glass door.
We spoke more about the cheque. I won’t say we’re in agreement yet.
I don’t think I drove my point home about Xander trying to control me.
He seems to think he’s doing it to protect me, to make my life easier.
But I don’t want it to be easier. I want to work for it.
But at the same time, the thought of all those men gawking at me at night doesn’t appeal to me anymore. Is it because of Xander?
Maybe.
Okay, most definitely.
All the things I felt while being on that stage are now the things that only he can make me feel.
Powerful. Seen.
And not just for my body.
And that might be enough for me now.
Xander spins to me, placing a kiss on my head. “Go take a shower, Angel.”
I step downstairs after my steaming shower. Every single muscle in my body is screaming for rest.
A rich aroma fills my nose as I round the corner and see Xander in the kitchen. Shirtless, in black joggers, and cooking. It immediately takes me back to the night of the storm. In the bar. With the charcuterie board.
Sizzling fills the large space, steam from the steak he’s cooking drifting up into the extractor fan. He hums the tune of Stand By Me as it plays from the speakers. Sid sits on the large island in the middle, watching him and probably waiting for his fill of food.
I can’t help the smile that manifests on my face seeing Xander cooking and listening to my favourite song… Something feels right about this.
“You cook as well?” I tease. “I really hit the jackpot.”
He turns around, the cockiest smile plastered on his face. His muscles glisten deliciously in the yellow lodge light, and the bulge in his joggers is distracting enough to not even think about the food he’s cooking.
“My eyes are up here, Angel,” he smirks. “So, are you ever gonna tell me about this song?” he asks, his gaze flicking to me momentarily.
He grabs a pair of cooking mitts from the side counter and slips them over his hands.
A laugh bubbles out of me at the sight, and he glares at me as he walks over to the oven installed into a long unit, pulling it open. Herbs and garlic mix in the air as he slides out a tray of seasoned potato wedges and dishes them up next to our steaks.
I sigh. “My mum always used to listen to it in the morning. Before I went to school, I’d join her in dancing to it.”
“What happened to her?”
Here it goes. “She was killed,” I state. Plain and simple. “On my birthday.”
He pauses, slowly directing his gaze to me. “Who?” he asks, like he already knows the answer. His face is a mix of sadness, concern, guilt and anger.
“Luke. He denies it, but I know it was him. The note gave away everything.”
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” Xander grits out.
“It’s why I don’t celebrate.” Among other things…
“I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be. Anyway.” I prompt him to keep dishing up dinner. “I did a lot of healing from that. I… I don’t like talking about it. It’s also why I don’t celebrate my birthday. Or… part of the reason.”
He nods in understanding, and it’s like the air in the room changes, immediately becoming lighter. He just gets it.
Xander finishes the dishes off with a corn on the cob.
He even cuts up some unseasoned steak for Sid and places it inside his metal bowl on the floor, jumping away when Sid gracefully lands on the floor on all fours.
“Voilà,” he says, bowing dramatically at the waist.
“Let’s see,” I muse, taking my knife and fork and cutting off a chunk of steak.
I bring it to my mouth, and an explosion of flavours hits my senses. It’s possibly the best steak I’ve ever tasted.
“So?” he asks, shovelling multiple potato wedges into his mouth.
I sway my head from side to side, curling my lips down in a thinking manner. “Hmm, it’s okay. It could do with a little more—”
I don’t get to finish my sentence before his hand comes out to tickle my side. My fork clatters on the plate as I burst into a fit of giggles. “Okay, okay! I’m sorry!” I manage through breathless laughs. “It’s the best steak I’ve ever had.”
“It better be,” he warns, grabbing my neck and placing a lingering kiss on my lips.
After we finish our food, he takes us into the living room, placing me down on the cosiest sofa. He kneels in front of me, concern lining his face.
“I don’t want to ruin the mood, but if you ever want to tell me what happened, I’m here to listen.” He pauses. "And I'm sorry. I didn't know that's why you didn't celebrate your birthday."
That scar on my leg suddenly starts burning, but I refrain from rubbing it. Xander hasn’t seen it yet, and I’m scared that if he does, he’ll think of me differently. I’ll have to tell him about every time my body was used…
I don’t want to go there… yet.
"We can treat this as a getaway instead. That date I owe you—"
"No," I rush out. "This is perfect." I smile.
He nods, hope filling his eyes, and crawls over to the small coffee table, grabbing a remote. He flicks through the various apps on the screen.
I shake myself out of my rapidly spiralling thoughts.
“What film do you want to watch?” Xander asks.
I’m not even listening to a word this man is saying. My eyes are fixated on how the muscles of his back contract with each movement. How his arms flex.
Films are quickly becoming the last thing on my mind.
My centre burns with the need to have him inside me again, but Xander doesn’t look one bit interested in the same thing that I’m thinking.
I’m not used to normal Xander. It’s scary if anything.
But there go my less than normal thoughts about sex. Always at the most inappropriate time and always to forget the horrors.
“Scream?” he suggests.
“Sure.” I shrug.
Keep your eyes on his face.
Eyes on his face.
I smile up at him as he settles in beside me.
“What?” he asks, his eyebrow cocking in suspicion.
Nothing, just thinking about how good you would look inside me right now.
“Nothing.”
At some point during the film, our positions change. I lie near the edge of the sofa, while Xander lies behind me.
“Do you like horror films?” he asks.
“They’re my favourite,” I admit. “I was born in October. It’s only fitting.”
His deep chuckle reverberates over my back.
The feel of him pressing into me does nothing to sate the thoughts running wild in my head about him.
I shuffle myself closer into him, subtly grinding my ass into his hips. His arm slips under my oversized t-shirt, and his palm comes to rest on my boob. I’m already so on edge that the gesture sends a shock to the apex of my thighs.
Xander seems none the wiser.
A scene of a woman being chased by Ghostface starts playing on the screen, and my heart rate increases.
“Are you scared?” Xander whispers in my ear. The sudden sound of his voice makes me jerk, and he chuckles. The low timbre of his voice sends more heat rushing to my core.
“No.” I shake my head.
His hand presses firmly into my breast. “Then why is your heart racing?”
His mouth skims over the shell of my ear, his breath fanning over my cheek.
For some reason, watching the woman being chased by a masked man with a knife in his hand excites me.
Being wrapped up in Xander’s arms—safe—and watching a similar scene that happened to me sends impulses to my brain to run from him. Make him chase me the same way. This time it would be different. I’m with someone I trust, right?
“It’s just… very hot in here,” I reply, though it sounds more like a whine.
His hand travels down, down, down my front. Fingertips caressing my skin, sending thousands of little lightning bolts throughout me. He reaches the hem of my lace thong and slides his fingers under the band. Just enough to tease that spot that’s currently growing with impatience.
“Is it? Because the air con is on.” His voice has a teasing lilt to it, like he knows exactly what he’s doing and exactly what I’m feeling. “Does the thought of her running for her life excite you?” he murmurs.
I moan in response as his hand continues travelling lower, his arm holding me immobile. He doesn’t stop his descent. He swipes his fingers along my slit and pulls them out, holding them in front of my face with the evidence of my arousal.
He makes a humming sound low in his throat as he puts his fingers in his mouth and flicks his tongue along them. “Your fear tastes delicious, Angel.”
Oh, fuck.
His hard length settles in between my ass cheeks as his hand finds its way back to the aching spot between my thighs.
“Keep watching,” he whispers as he pulls my thong to the side and thrusts one of his fingers inside. I moan at the contact and press myself harder into him. He hisses.
He starts a slow rhythm of sliding his finger in and out. My eyes find the TV again as the woman spots a hiding spot inside the house.
A second finger joins the first, and he cups my clit with his hand, applying pressure as he continues to pump his fingers. Goosebumps erupt over my skin, and I moan at the sensations and his heavy breathing filling my ears.
“You like that?” he pants, his hand movements quickening.
Ghostface finds the woman, and they resume the chase.
I wiggle my arm out from underneath him and grab his cock through his joggers. My hand doesn’t even cover the size of him. He groans as I gently squeeze around it.
Ghostface is gaining on the woman now, and there’s no way she’s making it out alive. Xander’s palm starts rubbing quick circles around my clit, and pressure builds low in my stomach. I close my eyes and throw my head back into his chest, moaning.
“Keep watching,” he growls as his arm works to drive me to the edge.
I flutter my eyes open, catching the sight of the veins popping out of his forearm, twitching with every movement.
“Fuck,” I cry.
“Eyes on the TV.”
I watch as Ghostface finally catches up to the woman, stabbing her right in the heart.
“Such a good girl.”
My walls clench around Xander’s fingers, and my hand squeezes his cock as my orgasm floods my system. I moan out his name as my pussy throbs. I convulse as he lets me ride out the rest of my orgasm.