Chapter 6
August
I dropped Addie off at Ms. Wilma’s early this morning to get a headstart on some work and pick up a certain annoyance’s coffee.
Not just because I owe it to him, but because I’m going to kiss up a little for the extra work we’re all going to have to do to help with this school production.
Keeping a good name in the community through volunteering is not my most favorite thing, but everything is more palatable when I know I’m ultimately doing it for Addie’s benefit.
It does mean I’ll have to be around Ms. Jake a lot more than I prefer, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
I set Reid’s coffee on his desk since it’s too early for anyone else to be here, and get to checking on my equipment for the day.
I’m going to have to do some extra mapping and droning to make sure we have enough supplies for the Christmas program set.
There’s no way Von Logging is doing anything halfway.
So if Mrs. Johnston, who can’t keep her married eyes to herself, wants a Christmas set then that’s what she’s going to get.
I typically ignore it when women in this town gawk at me.
Half of them are married and the other half would never be good enough for Addie, but I swear Evangeline reacted when Mrs. Johnston did her not-so-subtle perusal of me.
That may have brought out a little caveman in me.
I’ve never been one to need affirmation, but the sense of possessiveness that came off Evangeline at that moment moved something long dormant inside me.
It’s been so long since I’ve been desired that I convinced myself I didn’t want it.
But even Evangeline’s slight reaction made me entertain the concept of something more with someone. Namely her.
“Aww boss man, did you go out of your way to make sure my coffee was extra hot so it was still good by the time I got here? Are you secretly a little softy?” Reid chides as he barges into my office and makes himself comfortable in the chair across from my desk.
I wish I could put a lock on that door. I’ll never tell Reid how much of a softy I genuinely can be, especially toward a friend like him.
It’s not that I don’t know how to express my emotions, it’s just that being vulnerable feels like too much right now, and I’m certain Reid knows I care about him anyway.
He’s a hard person to not be friends with.
Reid is a sincerely good guy through and through.
He’s loyal, kind, and genuinely cares deeply for the people in his life.
He is one of those guys that you’d be lucky to have in your orbit.
“I sure didn’t.” I clip back “And you’re welcome to knock the next time you come in.
But as luck would have it, I actually needed to meet with you this morning anyway.
” I fill him in on our involvement in building the set for Addie’s school.
We discuss the financials of it as well as the tax benefits, and the need to get Ash’s lazy self to do some PR for us.
Not that Ash’s part is very necessary, seeing as dogs outnumber people in this little lake town.
News will travel quickly of our benevolent volunteer effort, but it’s nice to remind him every once in a while that he does have a job.
Don’t get me wrong, I know this is good for business but it’s not our main focus.
I know I’ll be able to spend even more time working on something Addie will remember, and that means more to me than anything this can do for our company.
Her mom may be abhorrent, but I’ll make sure Addie always knows I want to do stuff for and with her, and give her all the memories her mother would never bother with.
But here, in this meeting, it has to be no feelings and all finances.
A knock sounds as Reid and I wrap up and Alana sweeps into the room.
Alana was born for a corporate position.
It’s amazing she even enjoys living in our small town rather than some big city.
I declined the CEO position because truthfully, I don’t care for the corporate work, but she’s a natural.
Alana commands respect and attention in every room she enters.
I don’t show difference to a lot of people, but I love Alana, and deeply respect her and everything she does for our company.
It seems that my authoritative sister doesn’t go unnoticed by Reid as well. She may command authority but Reid stands to attention like she has him on a voluntary leash. Hmm. Interesting.
Alana strides with heel-clicking confidence to my desk even though she doesn’t need to be wearing those.
She’s already around five-foot-ten and could come to work in sweats and Birkenstocks and we’d respect her all the same.
But Alana dresses to the nines for everything she does.
Pencil skirts, boss-girl blouses, and heels that could kill a man.
Reid sits back down like the good dog he is while Alana drops some files on my desk and tosses half of her long, dark brown hair behind her.
“I heard we’re helping the school. I wanted to drop off some figures so you know just how much we have to work with as far as supplies and finances are concerned.”
“Already done, Alana. August and I were just wrapping up on the financials and everything will keep us in the black and then some with the write off.” Reid salutes and Alana barely passes him a glance with those piercing-green Von eyes of hers.
“I trust you to work it all out effectively but I’m here if you need me.” Poor Reid, he might as well be a shadow for all the attention Alana pays him. “Will you need someone to watch Addie while you work on the set?”
“As much as I appreciate the gesture, I know kids are not exactly your forte, so don’t sweat it.
I plan on bringing her with me anyway. Work on some life skills, make memories, invest. I’m excited to spend the time with her doing something new.
” And I mean that, I have one soft spot in my life and it’s Addie.
I guess I might have a soft spot for Alana too.
“They might not be ‘my forte’” she says around an eye roll and air quotes.
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t love or want to be around my niece any less.
If you need help with the set, I’m happy to be there for that as well.
Just let me know where you need me and I’ll make it happen.
” Alana offers while Reid continues to just ping pong back and forth between us.
The chances of me asking Alana to help are slim to none.
She is beyond capable. More capable than most when it comes to manual labor, but she never rests and I won’t be the one to add to that.
“Thanks, I’ll keep you posted.” I won’t. She has too much else on her plate. She swishes out of my office, bringing the door closed with her.
“Hey man, let me know if you need help with the set.” Reid pipes up enthusiastically after wiping the drool from his mouth.
“Not going to happen. Your motives seem less than altruistic.” I don’t dislike Reid, but I have two living women in my life that I would freeze hell for and I’m not entirely sure I want Reid near one of them.
“Pot, meet kettle.” He jokes “Didn’t we just meet for almost an hour on how this volunteer effort will boost our image and help our taxes?” Okay yeah we did, but again, I’m here for Addie.
“You can see yourself out of my office now,” I demand while grabbing my equipment for the day. “Some of us actually have work to do.”
A deep inhale of the pines tells me I’m exactly where I need to be.
I lock my SUV and shuck off my backpack before pulling out my drone and notebook.
I’d use a laptop way out here, but thankfully there’s no internet so it’s just me, nature, silence, and my trusty notepad.
Sometimes I worry about being out here with no service for so long in case something happens to Addie, but Ms. Wilma has all of the office numbers.
We never go scouting without radios, so that always puts me at ease.
Guiding my drone above a copse of pines, I stare through what little parts of the trees I can see while switching to auto, a mode I made sure was part of this particular drone model.
The sky is always so beautiful out here, but I’m realizing the shade of blue I’m currently under is so lackluster.
There’s a new shade I’m obsessed with, a deep, dark sapphire flecked with gold.
Her eyes are the sun and sky dancing together, absolutely heavenly.
I don’t let my mind dwell on that gorgeous shade of blue for too long.
I can’t. I haven’t looked at a woman that way since Larissa.
The idea of having a family, a happy wife, a child who has a life that they won’t need to go to therapy over–I’ve let all of that go.
All of those are pipe dreams that I was so close to, and it guts me that our life is the opposite of what it was supposed to be.
It was just barely out of reach. One reckless night, one lie, one wrong woman.
I was off the mark of a perfect life by so many tiny degrees that it hurts my chest.
I think the guilt will follow me forever.
I hurt for me, but it kills me everyday for Addie.
I hate that she doesn’t have a mom who will braid her hair, take her out for girl days, or help her through her teen years of boys and body changes.
I don’t mind doing it alone and I don’t shy away from any of that stuff, but I’m sure having a loving mom is preferential in those times over your dad.
I try to work exceptionally hard on our relationship now, so that when those things do come up, Addie is more than comfortable talking to me. It’ll never be picture-perfect, but I’ll give her my best until my dying breath.