Chapter 14
Evie
“This one makes you look edible.” Thea beams at me from my closet while I stress out on my bed over my date with Emmett tonight.
I’ve never felt so conflicted about a date before.
Emmett is hilarious, kind, and gorgeous.
But for whatever reason, I’m all knotted up about it, and not in a good way.
I can’t stop thinking about my battle of wills with August last night.
The security he unknowingly gives me to be myself made me want to verbally spar to the death with him.
I don’t feel any of that tightness and fire with Emmett.
But I don’t know if I’m actually looking for any of that.
Emmett is a good time and honestly, that’s all I need right now.
I’ve been Thea’s doll tonight while she gets me ready for my date and she’s done an incredible job.
My make-up is bold and my long brown hair spills down my back in loose waves.
Truthfully, I could do this all on my own, but Thea’s enthusiasm gives me the excitement I need to not call Emmett and cancel.
She’s even been so sweet as to offer to stay here with Maple since I’ve kept her crated while working on the Christmas set.
But even with all of Thea’s enthusiasm and support, something seems off about her tonight. Like she’s distracted.
“Earth to Evie!” Thea snaps her fingers effectively jolting me out of my spiral. “Where did you go just now?”
“Nowhere, just nervous for tonight, I guess.”
“Girl, what do you possibly have to be nervous about? It’s not like you’re marrying the man.
” I know it’s meant as a joke and encouragement, but there’s an underlying tone to the sentence that feels off.
“Put on the gorgeous dress,” Thea continues.
“Get some free food, and see where the night takes you.”
When she puts it like that, none of that sounds half bad.
She’s boldly assuming there is free food because I still have no idea what Emmett has planned for us.
All that aside, I have to push August into the far, dark recesses of my mind tonight and get what I want.
I’m single and everything I’m doing is completely acceptable, despite the desire in my bones for Thea’s encouragement to be about August instead of Emmett.
The confidence with which Thea is staring at me starts to sink into my skin and become my own, even if something in the back of my mind is telling me that this is all wrong.
“Okay, okay, I promise to have a good time, but I don’t know about that dress. He said casual and comfy, and that,” I point at the glittery black bodycon dress, “ is neither.”
Not listening, Thea throws me probably the hottest dress I own.
I toss it right back at her, laughing, and eventually land on a simple pair of jeans, a cable knit sweater, and some cute booties.
I want to look like I tried a little, but truthfully, I feel like I’m getting ready to hang out with a really good friend rather than going on a date.
I spin around for her and she catcalls me even though I have on the simplest of fall outfits, and we bust out into a fit of giggles.
I hope every girl has a Thea in her life.
The doorbell dings and Maple bursts into a fit of tiny barks, pulling Thea and I out of our moment and causing reality to slam into me.
I look at Thea and she nods her excitement and approval into me, and we head to the door.
Despite her nod of approval, I can’t shake that something is off.
I can’t tell if it’s because of the date, or her, or August. But it’s making me itchy inside.
I turn on Thea before opening the door. “Girl, can you go sit somewhere? Opening a door isn’t a two-person job,” I jest with her.
“Fine, fine. You do you.” She quips, picking up a barking Maple and heading to the kitchen island.
“Hey!” I greet Emmett who’s standing in my doorway with the most gorgeous bouquet of dahlias I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if it’s because they’re still in season and that’s why he got them or if he magically knows they’re my favorite, but I’m so grateful.
“Hey, Evie!” He smiles back to me while holding out the bouquet for me. “I hope these are okay.”
“They’re perfect, Emmett, thank you! Come on in and I’ll get these in a vase.” I grab them and he hangs in the entryway while I settle my flowers in their new home. Thea takes my flowers to finish tending for me and I head back toward Emmett.
“Have fun and behave, you two! Only do things I would do!” Thea shouts back to us and I turn beet red while Emmett just laughs. But the end of her sentence fell flat, and his laugh seemed half-forced. Strange.
“Yeah, that sounds like Thea.”
Emmett parks his car on the side of the road and my heart rate could rival speed racer, but I’m trying to contain it.
I know there’s no way he could have known, there’s no way he did this on purpose.
But in the tight space of his car I can’t work my clammy palms and blurred vision through this panic attack.
It doesn’t surprise me that I’m having a similar reaction pulling up to this photography gallery as I did when I stole a glimpse at my camera.
Everything is intertwined and I hate that.
I look at Emmett for some reassurance, and thankfully his beaming smile helps calm me enough to see straight and paste on a fake smile.
Being the perfect gentleman he is, Emmett rounds that car and opens the door to help me out which is perfect because I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t be able to manage it alone.
If I were any other girl, this date would be sweet and perfect, but coming to our town's local photography gallery, Exposure, was never high on my bucket list. Not anymore.
We walk around the gallery making perfectly good conversation. I’m somehow able to work a few words up my throat despite how distracted I am. I understand that having a reaction like this to a photo gallery is irrational, but rarely are panic attacks ever rational.
Dustin used to scream at me for them. He would tell me to get over it and stop thinking like that because the thoughts and feelings in my head weren’t real.
Maybe there was slight truth to it, but for me, in those moments, it was all too real and too encompassing.
And instead of having a partner there to help me work through it to the other side, I felt like I had an enemy who wanted the attacks to get worse.
Like my struggle was such an inconvenience to him that he felt I needed to be punished.
We’d already talked so much while working on the Christmas set that our conversation flows so organically.
Emmett is hilarious, and charming, and so kind that it hurts.
He’s playful and flirty, brushing his knuckles against mine every so often while we talk, and I know it should send butterflies catapulting through my stomach, but it just doesn't. Not only because my panic attack is still lingering, but he’s simply not August. And honestly, that sucks.
I should be adoring the sweetheart in front of me, but I’d rather be at a jaded, single dad’s house tutoring his daughter and peering through my lashes for little stolen glances.
Those moments are what sends tingles straight up my spine.
“So you mentioned that your family used to vacation at Pine Lake and you met the Vons while swimming?” I need to distract myself.
“Yeah, I hit it off with them so easily. I feel like even as a kid I knew I only wanted to be in Pine Lake. When it was time to head home at the end of our vacations, I always felt so depressed. I felt like I kept leaving the biggest part of me behind and there was nothing I could do about it.” It almost feels like he’s talking about more than just the lake and the friendships.
As if he’s really, seriously talking about his heart.
“It’s so weird to think of you as a little kid.” I laugh trying to imagine all these huge men as skinny, scrawny teenagers wreaking havoc on Pine Lake and its citizens. That mental image gives me the perfect reprieve from my nerves.
He chuckles a little, probably picturing it too. “We were definitely some little troublemakers back then. All of us except August. Even then he seemed like the dad of the group. Probably some eldest kid syndrome.”
“Are you not the eldest in your family?” We meander easily enough to each of the photos and the still lifes around us are gorgeous.
The photos in this gallery are captivating and unique.
This particular section has photos with bold, dynamic colors and shadows you wouldn’t expect.
Being a photographer, I can thoroughly appreciate how difficult each of these images are to capture.
“Worse. I’m an only child. Spoiled, irresponsible, and loves to have way too much fun.”
“That honestly sounds like an incredible time. And it sounds like you and August are complete opposites. How did you even become friends?”
“Haven’t you heard? Opposites attract? I guess that applies to bromances too.
” Emmett isn’t his usual, flirty self right now.
He’s actually keeping a little more distance than he has before and I’m wondering what changed.
I’m not offended, just curious. “He needed someone to help him lighten up a little, and I needed someone to keep me grounded and help me stay out of trouble. Queue Daddy August.
“Daddy August.” I repeat on a chuckle. “I guess that fits him.
“Yup. He was always the one to keep us all in line, he was there for serious conversation, and anticipated our needs before we even saw them coming. He’s a great guy.
” Emmett and I make pointed eye contact now, and I feel like he’s deeply trying to communicate something to me.
I clear my throat, not sure what to say.
Are we starting our own August Von Fan Club?
Because I’ll happily be its president and co-founder.
“From what I’ve seen between him and Adeline, all of those qualities definitely line up perfectly.”
“They really do. I just hope there’s someone taking care of the caretaker.” He looks at me again and I can’t breathe, and for an entirely different reason than the gallery we’re currently in. It seriously feels like Emmett is trying to pitch his best friend to me. On our date. And I love that idea.
“Yeah, hopefully.” I can already see us moving into a portion of the gallery that I don’t think I’m ready for. I can feel my head starting to swim and vision going blurry around the edges. “Will you please excuse me? I need to run to the restroom.”
“Of course. Take your time. I’ll be here.” I really don’t want him to wait in that exact spot but I can’t tell him that.
“Thanks.” I rush to the restroom at an embarrassing speed.
He probably thinks there’s something seriously wrong with me.
I pull out my phone the second I’m through the restroom door and call Thea.
“Thea,” I get her name out through short breaths, “I need you to come get me. I’m having an attack. I feel it coming.”
“Evie, no. Where are you? I can’t come right now. There’s a slight emergency here at the house.”
“Is Maple okay?” Great, panic on top of panic.
“Yes, don’t freak out. She just got into some of your cheese.
” She pauses and there’s a horrible sound on the other side of the line.
“Okay, well, a lot of your cheese. Cielos. She’s throwing up now.
But also, is she lactose intolerant? Because…
this is so gross. It’s not just vomit, if you get what I’m saying. ”
I really do know what she’s saying and I know it’s not pretty over there. “Okay, that’s fine. Take care of Maple, but can you call someone? Anyone? I feel like I’m going to pass out.
“Gotcha, don’t worry. Help is on the way.
I gotta go. Cuidarse.” She ends the call immediately.
I work myself over the sink and flip on the cold water.
Splashing my face helps a little, but now I have to dab some of my make-up.
Honestly, that’s the least of my concerns right now especially given that this date is probably over.
I get myself calmed down enough to walk back out to Emmett, and as promised, he’s in the same exact spot. It doesn’t help me at all. I subconsciously rub at the scar on my hand, and that does it for me. I’m done.
It happens again, my vision narrows, my head swims and pounds, and my chest feels like a giant has a vice grip on it determined to kill me. It all happens so fast, then my legs give out along with my vision.