Chapter 18 #2
“First, we don’t talk with our mouths full or we’ll lose all of our pancakes.
” It sounds like a scolding but everything is with the best spirit.
She wasn’t being bad or disrespectful so she doesn’t deserve to feel like she’s being punished.
She was being absent-minded like any kid would be and just needed to be gently redirected and reminded.
“And I do believe she’s coming over today, but I can send an email over to her and double check.
” I could call her, but it feels strange letting my daughter know I have her teacher's number.
She beams up at me with the brightest, deepest green eyes.
“Thank you, daddy! I love when Miss Jake helps me. I really think I can do my speaking part in the Christmas program. She keeps telling me I’m doing a great job even at school when we’re not tutoring.
” She’s shoveling more pancakes than I thought possible for a girl her age and I’m impressed.
Evangeline’s love for my daughter might just evaporate my solemn emotions right into oblivion. I know she loves all of her students, but I also know she doesn’t have to love all of her students. That is just woven into the fabric of her being.
I’ve seen it at the school almost every morning since the beginning of the school year when I drop off Adeline.
Evangeline is genuinely kind and excited to see every one of her students.
I’ve never seen her greet any of them in the morning with anything less than a radiant smile, making that kid feel like the center of the universe.
Even though I’m certain those are core characteristics of who she is, kind and compassionate, I know now just how much work it is for her to be that way.
Not every day can be good, but she never shows her students that, at least from what I’ve seen and how Adeline describes her.
I think Evangeline has slowly been weaving herself into my heart for months before I even consciously knew it.
I think what keeps me tossing and turning at night is a seed of interest that’s been buried under the surface and the sapling is finally taking root and breaking ground. Which feels dangerous.
“I’m glad she’s so encouraging to you, Ads. You are doing a great job and I’m always so proud of you.”
“Oh dad, I know.” She retorts with the cutest little eye roll. “But you’re my dad, you’re supposed to be proud of me.” She’s right, but Evangeline’s not her mom and she’s still more proud of Adeline than even her own mom is, and that doesn’t escape my notice.
“Alright you little stink. Brush your teeth and get some clothes on so I can do your hair and get you to school on time. We need to keep Miss Jake proud of you. That’s easier to do when you show up on time for school.
” I joke back with her because I’m certain even if she were tardy, Evangeline would still find some way to be proud of her.
The drop-off line is my second favorite part of the morning, after my breakfast chats with Adeline.
Seeing Evangeline in her element, unshaken, undeterred, and beaming enthusiastically as the kids run to her classroom always squeezes my chest. And then the two different Augusts inside of me battle it out again.
Adeline bounces out of the car and turns back to wave goodbye, and rapid fire tons of air kisses to me.
She turns around, running to greet Evangeline, and spinning a little twirl into the classroom.
I pray nothing ever dulls my girls sparkle.
She has the sweetest zest for life. I glance at Evangeline and she’s ethereal.
Saying hi to my daughter like she hung the moon and stars with her little hands.
I’m so undone by this woman in the most irrevocable way.
I’m riding a high on my way to work. Adeline and I always have such a great morning.
I’m beyond thankful I have a kid that is somehow a morning person.
Between a smooth and enjoyable stand to the day with Adeline and the break through that Evangeline and I had last night, I feel a little lighter moving through the motions today.
Until my phone buzzes in its dash holder and I see a text from the one person who can always bring me down effortlessly.
Larissa
I’m coming to town soon for work. I want to renegotiate custody of Adeline. Will talk soon.
No, we really won’t talk soon because there’s nothing to say.
Right now I have full custody of Adeline, but I allow her to see her mom whenever Addie would like.
But the older Adeline gets, the less interested she is in seeing her mom visit only to see her mom leave.
She may be young, but kids are intuitive and Adeline is smart.
She might not be able to tell you in exact words that her mom is intentionally choosing a different life over her, but she knows it deep down and it hurts her.
Adeline deserves someone in her life that is choosing her.
My girl is a gift and should never be treated less than that.
It’s tragic that the one person making her an option is the one who should be most devout to her.
I determine that I’m not going to let Larissa’s text carry more weight throughout my day than all the words shared between Evie and I last night, and even between Adeline and I this morning.
I’m choosing to focus on the girls in my life that mean something and as harsh as it is, Larissa means nothing.
“Good morning, Thea.” I greet her warmly before walking back to my office and all I get is a strange look in return. Once I’m in and settled, it's then Reid knocks and walks right in. Why even knock if you’re going to help yourself inside without invitation anyway? Doesn’t matter.
“Hey, August. You feeling okay this morning?” Reid asks while gingerly walking up to me like I’m some kind of wounded animal.
“I’m great. Got an annoying text from Larissa this morning, but besides that I’m good.” I reply while shuffling through some information about the Christmas program set.
“Okay…yeah…good.” He sounds genuinely confused now taking the seat across from my desk. “Well, it’s just that you said good morning to Thea and that’s kind of weird, so why are you acting so weird?”
“I’m not acting weird. I guess it’s just a better morning than most.” Truth be told, I know what the difference is and I’m scared to say it out loud.
I feel like if I speak this thing between Evangeline and I into existence then it’ll float away with my words, and I’m not ready to let it go.
And I’m scared to really acknowledge something that might not be anything.
I feel guilty that what happened last night might have been a moment of vulnerability that I accidentally took advantage of to learn more about her.
That she didn’t mean to tell me all of that, and our conversation didn’t have anywhere close to the effect on her that it did on me.
Deep down I know that all can’t be true. I gave her several opportunities to not speak, to not say anything. But maybe she was emotionally drunk and I should’ve just helped her get inside to Thea and left it that.
“Okay, well, that’s good I suppose. So hey, Emmett, myself, and some of the guys are heading to the elementary school to make sure we’re staying on top of this set in case you want to join us.
” I suddenly feel like a kid at the start of school excited to see their crush for the first time after a long summer.
I’m desperate to hopefully sneak a peek of Evangeline.
I just need to see how she’s doing, what she looks like right now.
I know it won’t really be any indication of how she’s feeling about last night because she would never wear her emotions on her sleeves like that at work. But I need to see her in her element, tall and strong, confident and shining in what she’s doing.
“Yeah, I’ll meet you all out there in a few.”
“Alright…” He draws the word out. “We’ll see you there”