Chapter 35
Remi
I tore out the child to make room for the man,
Peeled softness away till mercy ran thin.
I built walls out of silence, as only I can,
And learned how to live outside of my skin.
I’d stayed at the bar last night, and I couldn’t exactly explain why. Maybe it was because Amir had called me a dozen times. He was still out of town, but being in his house right now felt wrong. Most likely, he was going to kick me out of it anyway.
All I had to do was keep going like this and that was exactly what would happen.
I’d be free and clear, able to fade away from the light that had been cast on me.
He wouldn’t have to worry about the bad press anymore.
And eventually, he’d find someone with a squeaky-clean past. Just the way he wanted it.
Looking at my phone, I sighed. I knew this would happen.
Before he could bust down the door, I unlocked it and swung it open. Oli marched in with a look on his face that I didn’t often see.
“You watched it,” I guessed.
He lifted himself onto the counter, and I came around the other side. His jaw worked as he ground his teeth to dust. After a minute, he reached into his pocket. I caught a pack of cigarettes out of the air and lifted a brow.
“You don’t smoke,” I pointed out.
“I want you to smoke so I can smell it and feel like one of us has an outlet.”
“That’s weird.” I brought one to my lips as he held out a lighter.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me Cole was here?”
It was rare to hear Oli swear, and it made me take another drag from the cigarette.
The energy rolling off of him put me on edge and woke up a part of me that lay dormant most of the time.
It had come out the other night, that urge to fight, to defend not only myself but the past version of me that was too weak to do it, too much of a damn coward, lost and confused by everything that was happening to me.
“I took care of it,” I said.
“Yeah, by pulling your fucking gun on him and threatening his life. That’s a grand idea, Rem.”
“Don’t swear please.”
He frowned at the floor. “I worry so much about you.”
Taking both sides of his face, I dropped my forehead against his. “You sweet on me, Oli? You should’ve told me years ago.”
He swatted me in the chest when I tried to go in for a kiss, and it felt right when both of us smiled.
“What did Amir say about Cole’s special?”
I shrugged. “I haven’t talked to him.”
“Why not?”
“When it’s one thing after another, there’s going to come a point when there’s no reason to keep trying.”
“Oh, that’s a bunch of bull. Stop trying to bring your baggage into this.”
“I dropped it at the door, but it’s grown legs and mutated.”
“What’s really the problem?”
“You’re the psychologist here.”
“Not yet, but since you were my first patient . . .” His hazel eyes squinted as he took me in. Tapping his finger on his chin, he hummed thoughtfully. “Ah-ha! I’ve got it. You think you have to earn being treated like a king, and you don’t think you’re capable of doing that.”
“That’s a given, yet I haven’t run away thus far. Try again, Doctor Bennett.”
“You’re scared of what Cole will do.”
I snorted. “No. Let him come near Amir or my Little Valkyrie. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d kill him.”
“Alright, alright. Remi’s in his Guts era. That means . . .” He trailed off, deep in thought. “This is also about you.”
“Go on.”
“You hate dragging Amir down in all this, but that’s not what’s eating at you right now. Your entire life is coming out to the world, more than you ever expected it would. This has become bigger than you were prepared for.”
“Would you want everything, your entire past, scrutinized and broadcast for the entertainment of the masses?”
“You didn’t sign up for this,” he agreed. “But when have you ever cared what the world thinks of you?”
I leaned back against the opposite counter and picked up a glass to turn over in my hands.
“It’s not about what they think. They’re using my past and twisting it into something that it’s not.
Every bad thing that’s ripped me apart from the inside is feed for these goddamned zombies.
He told her about Charlotte.” I tightened my grip on the glass, then pulled it back and hurled it at the wall.
“It’s not fucking fair, and I have no control over it. ”
Oli flinched when it shattered.
I closed my eyes, shaking my head. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for feeling things.”
“I don’t want to become this. I can’t keep defending myself against the literal goddamn villains.” My chest ached as it all settled. “What gives them the right to take my pain and turn it into a game?”
I heard Oli drop his feet to the floor, then his arms came around me. He held me tightly, gripping the back of my neck to tuck my face against his shoulder.
“You’re right. It’s not fair. So, what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.”
He took a deep breath before he pulled back and met my eyes. “You just want to be loved, don’t you, Rem?”
I choked out a laugh. “Congrats. You get an A on this assignment.”
“Wanna play a round of pool with me?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I really do.”