Chapter 58
Remi
Yet still among the ruins, a pulse continues its beat;
No hope, no faith, just a stubborn ember.
Its light leads me home from every defeat,
A promise that the dark can’t quite remember.
Tommy: Nothing yet.
Me: Bro, I thought you were a professional.
Self-proclaimed professional.
Tommy: Things take time.
Me: Three days is time.
Tommy: Not enough.
Me: It was enough for the son of god. Allegedly.
You’re fired.
Tommy: You the one paying me? Didn’t think so.
And I was back to hating him.
I glanced over at Mal and Avery, who were in their usual seats at Fenway Park.
The former hadn’t spoken to me once. When I woke up at Amir’s house my first day back, they were all there, and Avery had been more welcoming than I deserved after I’d disrupted their family so much. Mal, on the other hand, was cold.
“Are you almost done with it?” I asked as she wrote in her notebook.
Ignored.
With a sigh, I kicked my feet up on the back of the empty seat ahead of me. “So, we’re back to this. Can’t say I’m surprised. I did you dirty. Not just once. Twice.” Tipping my head back, I let out another, bigger sigh. “I know it doesn’t help, but I thought about you every day.”
Her pen paused on the paper, only for a fraction of a second. Looking past her, I saw Avery watching us. She lifted her brows, but the smile on her face pointed to it being playful, maybe even encouraging.
“I bet I can write a better book than you.”
This time, I didn’t get any response.
Tapping my fingers thoughtfully, I watched the action on the field. Amir wasn’t out there, so I didn’t care one bit.
“I’m sorry, Mal. Truly. It’s unforgivable, and I think you should hold it over my head until the end of time. Every night, I’ll make an offering to my gods and ask them to give me courage so I don’t ever hurt you again.”
She grunted, which made me look at her. Even though she was no longer writing, she didn’t turn to me.
“It must be impossible to trust me,” I went on, trying to stay casual. I could tell Avery was locked on to the encounter, but she didn’t make it obvious. “You don’t have to talk to me. But I’m here again if you want me to be.”
Suddenly, she held the notebook out to me with the pen resting on a blank page. “Show me.”
I took it, not sure where to begin, but I just started writing.
After a second, I scratched it out. On the spot like this, I felt unprepared for something this monumental—a real chance.
Looking down at the ring on my left hand, I traced the Algiz rune with my thumb and realized it really wasn’t all that complicated.
I just had to tap into that thing I thought was lost. It wasn’t only Amir who had helped me find it; Mal had too, and even Avery.
Little Valkyrie, I lost my way,
But gods be damned, I’m here to stay.
I thought my soul was gone for good,
Till each of you met me where I stood.
Little Valkyrie, I’m sorry I fled,
But some ghosts still claw inside my head.
Losing you nearly killed me too,
But all my roads now lead back to you.
Little Valkyrie, I stand here undone,
Ready to fight until the battle is won.
If you give me your hand, I’ll guard it with mine,
And rebuild what I shattered, one day at a time.
When I was finished, I lifted the leather cord of my necklace over my head and set it beneath the last line of the poem.
My skin felt bare after twenty years of wearing it, but I passed the notebook back to Mal and watched her blink slowly as she stared at it.
Instead of touching it, she read through what I’d written.
“What do you think?” I asked when it had been a few minutes.
“‘Mine’ and ‘time’ don’t rhyme.”
“Close enough. Call it creative liberty.”
“No.”
“You’re being picky because you’re mad at me. Think you can do better?”
“‘Flee’ and ‘Remi.’”
“Ah. That’s one option.”
“‘Lie’ and ‘cry.’”
“Yeah, I get it.”
“‘Weak’ and ‘freak.’”
“Mal,” Avery scolded.
“It’s alright,” I assured her. “I’ll just take this back.”
When I tried to swipe the necklace, Mal put her hand over it. “Joke.”
“Oh, was it?”
She held her thumb and index finger close together, making me laugh. Picking up the necklace, she looked at the rune.
“What for?” she asked.
“For you.”
She grunted. “And?”
“It’s a promise.” I held my hand flat in the air between us. “It’s sort of like my ring. Every second that I wear this, I’m promising your dad that I’ll stay. That I choose him, over and over again.”
“And you . . . choose me?”
“Yeah, I do. You’re a package deal with your dad, but that only requires I tolerate you. And here’s the thing. I think tolerating someone is a piss-poor way to live.”
“Okay.”
“Yeah, okay. Don’t you want to hear what I’m going to do instead?”
She shook her head, but it was clear that she was listening.
“I’m going to freaking love you.” I nodded toward the Fehu rune. “And as long as I do, the twins are going to protect you, just like they’ve protected me. The best they could, at least.”
“Why do Freyja and . . .”
“Freyr,” I filled in when she struggled with it.
“Why do they care?”
“Because I care—ever since you showed up in Florida with your little notebook and snarky attitude. Don’t tell me it wasn’t snarky. You called me a gold-digger.”
With the tiniest hint of a smile, she lifted her shoulders.
“I’m committing to your dad, but I’m also committing to you. All in. You can give me the silent treatment whenever you want, but I won’t give up on getting back to what we had before I left. Got it?”
When she looked at her mom, Avery nodded at her with an encouraging smile. I tensed when Mal grabbed my hand and got to her feet. Without a word, I followed her out of the aisle, then up the steps. We joined a line for concessions, and I cocked my head.
“Hungry?”
“Slushie.”
“I assume I’m paying.”
She grunted. While we waited, she played with the pendant, flipping it this way and that, while she ran her finger over the etched surface.
“Do you like it?” I asked.
“Mm.”
“You’re killing me, kid. I know your dad talked to you before he proposed, so you must’ve been okay with it.”
Silently, she glanced at my ring. I held it out with a thoughtful hum.
“I’m still figuring out what to put on his. Any ideas?”
“Mm-mm.”
We got to the front of the line, and I ordered her favorite flavor. With both slushies, I led her to an open area with few people but a good view of the field. Leaning my elbows on the railing, I took a long drink.
“Pure freaking sugar.” Holding it in front of me, I made a face. “This is more Oli’s style than mine.”
“Why’d you get it?”
“Because you did.”
I reached for the necklace, and she tried to hide it in her palm, but when I didn’t pull back, she opened it. I crouched, thinking about what I wanted to do here. Instead of taking it like I’d intended, I curled my fingers over hers to seal the token inside her hand.
“I’ll tell you what I wish someone would have told me when I was your age.
” I looked out at the field so neither of us would feel overwhelmed.
“This life is your own. Nobody gets to decide what you do with it or how you react to the world around you. Not me, not your mom, not your dad. You can wear this or you can hold onto it. Your power lies in the choices you make, Mal. Never let anyone take it away from you.”
“Did someone take it from you?”
Her question surprised me, and when I looked at her, she was staring back. It was a brief moment that our eyes met, but it felt like more.
“Yeah, they did. More than one, and for a long time.”
She opened her fist and stared at the rune. “Why didn’t they protect you?”
“Well . . . Do you remember what I said about Odin?” When she nodded, I glanced up at the sky.
“For all their might, even the gods are often powerless to the will of the Norns. I think Freyja and Freyr did protect me by staying at my side when it was hard. They sent me on a path with a god who was by no means soft, but everything that I needed, because otherwise I wouldn’t have survived.
I found people at the exact moment I was ready for them, like Oli and your dad.
Like you. I guess they were teaching me that we should surround ourselves with people who love us. ”
“Trav says we have to love ourselves most.”
A smile curled my lips. “That’s why he’s untouchable. Darkness hates the ones who keep choosing light. It can’t emulate it, only make a mockery of it, so the bravest thing you can do is continue to love, even when it feels impossible.”
“Where’d it come from?” she whispered.
Looking down at the pendant, I drew in a breath. “It was my mom’s. A long time ago.”
She touched the tear that had escaped my eye. “You’re sad.”
“Yeah, but that’s okay.”
“I don’t want you to be sad.”
I hovered my hand above the necklace, waiting. When she nodded, I picked it up and put it over her head. It hung lower on her like it had the first time I’d put it on.
I brushed my fingers over the metal at the same moment that it reflected the light.
For the first time in ages, I could see my mom’s eyes staring at me from the backyard of our old house.
She wore a dress that swayed in the breeze, and her feet were bare in the grass, just as I remembered.
Her smile shone like the sun, and a shimmer caught on the rune resting against her collarbone.
The light flared brighter and I blinked, only to find myself staring my own fingers on the necklace.
“See, Little Valkyrie?” I said softly. “I feel less sad already. She wants you to have it.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
Without a word, she nodded. I was surprised when she let me take her hand, and it was hard not to feel giddy from her quiet acceptance.
The war to win her trust back might have been ongoing, but I’d won this battle. With only three months left in the season, I knew we’d have a lot more time together as a family soon. I wondered how much we’d all grow by the end of it.
The thought of the future didn’t strangle me this time, even as I considered how many ways it could go wrong. As long as I continued to choose love and light, I believed that everything would work out the way that it was meant to.