Chapter 7
My life looked exactly how it was supposed to.
At least that's what those on the outside would think. I had a title people respected. I was now the Assistant District Attorney in Kellertown. This exact position was the kind of job my professors used to say would open doors for me. It was the kind of job my parents prayed over when I first said I wanted to go to law school. Landing it is what made my in-laws’ bourgeois ass friends sit up a little straighter when Charles introduced me at social gatherings.
I had a husband with a last name, Hughes, that carried weight in rooms I used to feel invisible in.
Charles had done exactly what he said he would do.
He helped me study, and he helped me focus.
We built something that looked stable from the outside.
His family made sure I had access to things I wouldn’t have had on my own.
Because of them, I got into law school. Yeah, my LSAT was high, but my GPA was low, and they pulled strings to get me a full scholarship.
I landed all of the best internships, and my first position after law school was a clerkship for a federal judge.
Judge Salim Coleman was ruthless, but he was well respected and made introductions for me with several law firms and local politicians.
The trajectory Charles ’ family put me on mattered.
And now, I had a home that reflected all of it.
Charles and I lived in a five-bedroom craftsman-style home with a huge backyard and a white picket fence.
We both worked long hours. I’m in the courtroom and Charles at his family’s stuffy ass law firm, Hughes and Fichman, logging enough billable hours to afford any luxury we could want in this world.
We had a housekeeper who kept our house spotless, and I had a closet filled with the best designer clothes.
My heel collection alone was deemed as #goals on Instagram.
Everything was in place. Nothing was out of line, and that right there was the problem.
I stood in the kitchen that morning, dressed in a fitted navy suit, my hair pulled back neatly, reviewing notes for a case I was arguing later that day.
The house was still, except for the soft hum of the refrigerator and the faint sound of cartoons playing from the living room.
Genesis was awake.
I could hear her little voice giggling to herself in the living room. The talking dogs on the TV fully entertained her.
I glanced at the clock.
7:42 a.m.
I had time. I set my folder down and walked into the living room.
She was sitting on the floor, legs tucked under her, hair slightly messy from sleep, her little hands wrapped around a toy she had insisted on carrying to bed the night before. When she saw me, her entire face lit up.
“Mama.”
Her voice was soft but excited, like she had been waiting for me.
The sight of her sweet face melted my heart. No matter how busy I got, I couldn’t help but take a moment and snuggle with my rainbow baby. I walked over and crouched down in front of her, smoothing her hair back gently.
“Hey, baby,” I said quietly.
She reached for me immediately, climbing into my lap from instinct. I loved that my baby knew I would always catch her.
I held her there for a moment longer than I probably should have.
Breathing her in. Letting myself feel the softness of her cheek and feel the warmth of her skin.
I was so grateful for moments like this.
They were small but made this boring ass mundane life feel worth it.
My Genesis made everything right. Staring into her little eyes was my daily confirmation that I had done what I needed to do to build a life that made sense.
But as soon as Genesis would go to her Nanny Justice’s house, I would feel this empty hole in my chest. As Justice was arriving for her shift, I began packing my briefcase for the day.
That feeling slipped in before I could stop it.
The intrusion of unhappiness slipped into my conscious thoughts, slowly and uninvited.
What would it have felt like to hold Xander like I held Genesis?
The thought came and went quickly. I walked over to Genesis and I pressed a kiss to her forehead and stood up, setting her back down gently.
“I have to get ready, okay?”
She nodded, already turning back to her toy like nothing in the world could interrupt her again.
I watched her for a second before turning away.
Charles walked in just as I was heading back toward the kitchen. He was already dressed in his pristine navy suit. He had a grin on his face and looked jovial as if he woke up knowing exactly who he was supposed to be every day and he was living the life he was meant to live.
I couldn’t say the same thing about myself.
I never imagined being married to anyone except Xavier.
I thought I would be a defense attorney slated to get my brother out of prison.
Instead Jared had made peace with doing life in jail and my parents acted as if the Hughes walked on water and co-signed any career trajectory Charles’ parents laid out for me.
“You’re up early,” he said, grabbing a mug from the cabinet.
“I have court this morning.”
He nodded. “A big one?”
“Routine,” I said, flipping through my notes again.
He poured himself coffee, moving around the kitchen with practiced ease. “You’ll do fine,” he said. It wasn’t dismissive. But it wasn’t warm either.
We lacked passion in our relationship. I don’t know when the sex turned into an obligation, and his gentle words of encouragement felt like control.
I nodded.
“Yeah.”
He glanced toward the living room. “She’s up?”
“Mhm. Go play with Genny.”
“Justice got her. I gotta get to the office.”
I noticed more and more how he disengaged with our baby girl. When I brought it up to him, he would deflect and tell me I was being sensitive. Maybe he was right, and I was sensitive, but after losing a child, I earned the right to love deeper and love harder.
Charles didn’t go to her. He didn’t kiss her forehead bye or even wave. The sad part was that Genesis was my whole world, and he didn’t even notice.
“Don’t forget we have plans with my parents tonight at eight,” he said. “My mother wants us there on time tonight.”
I didn’t respond right away.
“Okay,” I said finally. Because although I hated these family gatherings, I knew what it meant if I didn't go. I looked down at my wedding ring as I gathered my things.
It was beautiful and expensive, but it was the opposite of what I wanted.
It was gaudy. I once told myself it was ugly, but it was the exact one I favorited on the Pinterest page Janessa forwarded to him three years ago.
So if I practically picked it for myself, why did I hate it so damn bad?
I spun my ring around and thought about the infinity symbol promise ring that I kept in my grandmother’s old jewelry box in the garage.
* * *
Charles pulled into the driveway without saying much, cutting the engine as the porch light flicked on automatically.
“They’re already home,” he said, glancing at the house.
Of course they were.
His mother didn’t do late.
Didn’t do unstructured.
Didn’t do anything that didn’t align with how she believed things should be done.
I smoothed my dress down over my hips before stepping out of the car, adjusting Genesis on my side as she rested her head against my shoulder.
Charles’ parents lived in a beautiful gated community.
Their house had 8 bedrooms and 10 bathrooms. Their lawn had shrubs cut into different statue shapes.
Every time I was here, I couldn’t believe that there were people with so much money that they wasted it on stupid shit like this.
God forbid Charles’ parents watch TV like a normal fuckin’ couple.
Instead, they served shrimp cocktail and sandwiches cut into triangles with mini champagne flutes.
They enjoyed displaying their wealth by hosting elaborate get-togethers and parties most.
His mother opened the door before we even knocked.
“Finally,” she said, stepping back to let us in.
Her eyes moved over me quickly. “You’re late.”
“It’s 8:03,” Charles said calmly.
“That’s late,” she replied.
Her gaze shifted to Genesis who laid in my arms sleepily.
“Well, at least she’s here.”
This bitch, Carolyn, didn’t say hello, not how are you, just silently assessed me as if I weren’t good enough.
I stepped inside and adjusted Genesis slightly as she stirred in her sleep.
“Good evening, Mrs. Hughes,” I said.
She gave a small nod.
“Chanel.”
No warmth. No acknowledgment beyond that.
His father, Jonathan, looked up from his chair in the sitting room, glasses low on his nose.
“Evening,” he said.
“Good evening,” I replied.
He nodded once and went back to whatever he was reading.
Dinner was already set while a few of their work colleagues sat at the table, cocktails already flowing. Everything was plated and pristinely sat in perfect precision. I sat where I always sat to the left of Charles, knowing that if I dared to change shit up, I would hear Carolyn’s mouth.
Genesis woke up halfway through dinner, shifting in my arms before letting out a soft whine.
“I’ve got her,” I said quickly, standing before she could fully cry. I told Charles this outing was too late for an eighteen-month-old.
His mother watched me as I adjusted her, bouncing her slightly.
“You should really get her on a stricter sleep schedule,” she said, cutting into her food.
“How can I when you summoned us at 8:00 p.m.?
“You have an expensive ass nanny your husband pays for Chanel. You think you’re too good to use her as the rest of us used ours.”
Her colleagues at the table looked at me with accusatory stares.
“No ma’am. I only like to utilize her during the day. I like to have quality family time in the evenings.”
“Hmmm,” Carolyn snickered.
Charles didn’t say anything. He kept eating as if the conversation wasn’t happening and his mother wasn’t questioning my parental choices in front of everyone.