Chapter 6
Six
T-minus four weeks until Addie gets back to London
Much Ado About Nothing is overrated
Eli, you know how I said that you can stay? I lied. Take yourself to JAIL
A favourite of yours?
Honestly, not my favourite comedy. But it is not overrated. Benedick and Beatrice are the blueprint
To what? They bicker constantly
They flirt with barbs not flowers. That isn’t necessarily bickering
All their friends say that they do nothing but argue
All their friends also know they are full of shit. It’s a defence mechanism cos of feelings they are afraid to feel
Okay, but what about the Hero storyline?
You’ll have to read my thesis to discover how I feel about that one :)
T-minus three weeks until Addie gets back to London
Why cooking?
It helps to feed me and therefore stay alive
Very funny
No, why are you a chef?
I like cooking
Feeding people
Learning new things about food and how to cook them
Working seasonally
Being part of a team
Why?
My friend and I went to get lunch today and one of the customers went off and demanded to see the head chef and then gave her an earful for ten whole minutes about how terrible the food was because she didn’t like it.
There was nothing wrong with it, there was no hair or a stray bit of shell. it was a fine meal she just didn’t like and it got me thinking
It’s mostly a thankless task, but it’s the only thing I’ve ever felt called to
I mean, why do you teach?
Because I did an English degree and teaching was my only option…?
But actually it’s because I was a born academic and it never occurred to me to be anything else. I like it (most of the time) and I’m good at it and I get to learn as well, which is the real fun part for me
That is exceptionally geeky
Wait until you see my glasses
T-minus two and a half weeks until Addie gets back to London
I was thinking about Hamlet today (actually, I was thinking about Ophelia, but the two are closely linked) and naturally I started thinking about The Lion King and well…here is my truth
That film falls apart when Simba grows up
Here’s my truth – The Lion King 2 is better.
Kovu is the better lion to fall for.
Although there is something about Daddy Simba
Plus He Lives in You and One of Us are god tier level songs
Am I supposed to gloss over the Daddy Simba part when you said that adult Simba is the reason you think the first film falls apart?
No, the narrative is weaker when adult Simba crosses that log. But I can see why Nala fell for him. But then he gets another layer when Kiara enters the world
You also said he was the weaker lion to fall for?
In what world are you putting the two of them of side by side and picking Simba?
The scar, Eli. THE SCAR!
Well aware of the scar, Adrienne
Also, I didn’t say he was the weaker lion to fall for. Just that of the two, Kovu was better.
Because aesthetically, it’s true
Right, because of the scar
T-minus two weeks until Addie gets back to London
I went to my final hot yoga class today and nearly broke my nose
And how did you manage that?
What you need to know is the instructor is incredibly attractive
Noted. So what happened?
I went in with less than holistic intentions on this occasion.
I wanted to leave a lasting impression on this man
Like I wanted him to think I had won at yoga
Can you win at yoga?
I know you can’t
ANYWAY
I was nailing it. I was strong and I had perfect balance, I was mostly in the moment but maybe flexing just a little and then this man had the NERVE to lead us into the crow pose
It’s not my favourite pose.
I can never get my feet off the ground
But I refused to let that get in my way this time
I overcooked it
And nearly fell on your face?
Yes
Honestly, it’s a good thing I will never show my face in that class again because I am mortified
You probably made a lasting impression though
How did you catch yourself?
You mean you’ve never almost face planted and somehow found the core strength to turn it into an unasked for handstand?
You went into a handstand?
That takes more than just core strength to achieve from that position
You practice?
Yes. And I have never once found the strength to fall out of a failed attempt at a crow pose into a handstand
Your casual show of strength definitely would have made a lasting impression
T-minus ten days before Addie gets back to London
Do you only speak French on a day to day basis?
95% of the time, yeah.
Just these texts and my regular phone calls with my sisters that keep me speaking English.
It’s my first language
But you don’t speak it with your sisters?
Biological yes. I have one of those. And then I have three bonus sisters
Those are who I speak English with
Are you going to miss that?
What speaking French?
I’ll still do it around family
But it might take a moment for me to remember to speak English first
So what are you going to miss?
Brooks & Draper. Which is like the Vivi’s of Montreal and makes the best pancakes I’ve ever had. Don’t tell my dad
My hot yoga instructor
Tori – my only proper friend out here, but we’ll still talk so that doesn’t completely count
The view from my office at work
Mooching about the farmer’s market on a Sunday and leaving with a new bunch of flowers
The library at the university and the table that I have worked from for over a decade
You miss anything from Manchester?
I miss my old job. The team were really good and the location was always busy which meant that there was never a dull day
I also had a hot yoga instructor that I miss
But other than work nothing was really holding me there, so it was time to move on
When we’re saying hot yoga instructor do we mean an instructor who leads hot yoga classes or an instructor who is hot?
I assumed you meant both
I did, but are you also meaning both?
Yes – also both
I found a place near the flat that is good
Fab, my quest to nail the crow pose while drenched in sweat can continue
But you’ll always have seamless transitions to handstands to fall back on
Handstands really are all in the grip for me and then the rest of my body can just kind of follow
I’ve always had good grip
T-minus one week until Addie gets back to London
Quick question, not urgent, but would you rather pack your stuff up and keep it or burn it in a giant bonfire and start over?
All my stuff?
Everything you keep in the space that you live in. Because I am thinking a bonfire might be quicker
Packing is going well then?
Swimmingly.
It’s actually not the packing that is the problem. I mean I’ve run out of suitcases, but packing is fine
Why do I have so much fucking furniture though?
And two people who said they wanted to take some stuff have backed out so now I’m just stuck with a coffee table and a bureau that I have no home for
I’ve become a furniture dealer the past week
And I’m also now sleeping on a mattress on the floor because I sold my bed frame
A floor mattress?? Red flag
I’m not bringing you to my floor mattress. It’s a Montreal problem
Unless you tell me that I don’t have a bed frame?
Then you’re going to have to switch rooms with me
I cannot be known for having a floor mattress
And I can?
There are rumours that if a man has a floor mattress then he knows how to get down…
There is a bed frame in your room