Chapter 3 #2
Both of my parents frowned, and my father spoke before my mother could.
“How do you expect to settle down if you’re not looking for anything serious?”
“Who says I want to settle down?”
“You don’t?” Ma questioned.
I wanted to say no because that had always been my answer when asked that question. This wasn’t the first time we’d had this conversation, but I guess my parents thought I’d have a change of heart eventually, and maybe they were right.
Had I changed my mind?
“I’m not sure what I want anymore, Ma. Dating is not fulfilling anymore, and it feels like something is missing from my life.”
“Love, sweetheart,” Ma said.
“Huh?”
“Love is what’s missing from your life. I’m not talking about the love you receive from me and your father, or Stokely, or Nyomi and her family. I’m talking about romantic love. The kind of love that makes your heart swell, your head spin, and your lady parts tremble at just the thought of him.”
“Baby,” my father said.
“What? I’m telling our daughter the truth. If you want to step out for this conversation, go right ahead.”
“I’ll stay, but no more nasty talk. I don’t even want to think about my baby girl like that.”
“Daddy, I had Stokely when I was sixteen. I’m not new to this.”
“On second thought, I think I’ll take my plate to the family room.”
He picked up his plate and left, causing my mother and me to giggle.
“Skye, I’m not saying life can’t be fulfilling without a man, because it absolutely can be, but there is something about being loved by the right man.
Whew! Being with someone who was made just for you is a feeling I can’t explain.
Everyone isn’t lucky enough to find their person, but I believe there is someone out there for you. ”
“I think there is too, but I may have lost my opportunity with him.”
“Oh. Do tell.”
“It’s Knox.”
She gasped. “As in Kilo’s brother, Knox?”
I nodded. “When he pursued me, I told him I wasn’t interested.”
“Was that a lie?” she asked.
“We have great chemistry, and after a year sharing space with him more often than I do most men who are interested in me, I think I might be falling for him. He’s everything I want in a man, but when he mentioned marriage and kids, I told him I didn’t want either.”
“You’ve been on this one-and-done kick since you popped up pregnant with Stokely. Maybe Knox has stirred something inside you that’s given you a change of heart.”
“I don’t know, Ma.”
“Well damn, Skye. What do you know? I’ve never known you to be so confused.”
“I know, and it’s freaking me out. I stopped fantasizing about my knight in shining armor years ago, and, as you said, one-and-done has been my motto for just as long.
But Knox . . . being around him really does something to me, and you should see him with the twins. I know he’d be such a great father.”
“You do realize it’s okay to change your mind, don’t you?”
“I know, but when you think you wanted your life a certain way for so long, and then something changes suddenly, it’s hard to embrace.
I used to be cool with dating men who didn’t want a future with me, but now, they’re annoying.
It’s like, why do we keep going out if you don’t even see me as someone you want to build a future with?
But then I have to check myself because the main reason I wanted to go out with them was because they didn’t want a future with me.
Lately, I’ve been wondering if there’s something wrong with me because why don’t these men want a future with me?
I’m a catch! Ugh, I’m all messed up, Ma, and I don’t know why. ”
“I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me.”
“Okay.”
“Do you think watching Nyomi fall in love has softened your heart?”
I thought about it for a moment. It was a joy to witness Nyomi fall in love, and I couldn’t be happier for my best friend. She’d been hyper-focused on being a good mother to Nyeem, and she lost herself, much like I did while raising Stokely.
Neither of us was unhappy with our lives, but Nyomi’s happiness multiplied when she stopped running from Kilo. Their love story made me believe that it was still possible to find true love, but I still wasn’t sure if that applied to me.
“Maybe it did, Ma. I’ve always loved love, but I gave up on finding it for myself. I was okay not having any more children, but the twins make my uterus go crazy. Can you believe I’ve been dreaming about having a baby?”
“I can believe it.”
“I’m happy with my life, Ma, I really am. But lately, the idea of sharing my happiness with someone who will enhance all the good things in my life, and who can help me through the not-so-good, sounds very appealing.”
“What did your father and I always tell you when you were growing up?”
“The sky’s the limit.”
“And that hasn’t changed, sweetheart. The only thing stopping you from having the kind of love and happiness you desire is you.”
“You’re right, and for the first time in years, I get excited about the idea of the right man finding me.
I’ve realized my disinterest in having more children stemmed from the fear of doing it alone again.
Technically, I wasn’t alone, because you and Daddy have always been supportive, but you know what I mean, right? ”
“I know what you mean. I don’t like to get caught up in the right or wrong way of doing things, because every circumstance is different. But there is something to be said about two adults who love and are committed to each other deciding to create life.”
“I’m sure there’s a lot to be said, Ma.”