Chapter 5 #2
Alex’s face went blank, something switching off inside of him.
Then, I did the one thing I knew would break him.
I turned around, walked away and never looked back.
The next morning I left Windhaven without seeing him again.
I couldn’t. As I made the trip to Manhattan, a part of me stayed behind, in the bookstore, on the porch, in the back of his truck. With Alex.
I shake my head and try to push those thoughts away. I’ve got bigger problems to deal with, like figuring out how to turn this drafty, old house into something livable before winter sets in or my very own heart decides to take me out first.
Flicking on more lights as I make my way through the house, the poor state of it becomes reality. The place is in worse shape than I remember.
But it’s mine. It's all I have.
As I run my fingers over the dusty wood stove in the living room, a thin layer of soot stains my skin. The empty hearth inside is covered in cobwebs, a forgotten relic of what I imagine was once a warm, inviting space. Now, it’s just cold and silent.
Growing up, the boys always handled the task of keeping the stoves burning in the colder months, so I never learned how to properly start one.
Now, it’s biting me in the ass and I am going to freeze to death in this ice box.
I regret not asking Leo to teach me how to work it beforehand, instead of being stubborn and desperate to leave that house.
I pull out my phone and I send a text in our group thread.
I will regret saying this later, but you guys were right. This place is as cold as I imagine it is in the Arctic Circle during the middle of winter.
Cam
I told you so.
Frankie
Sucks
Leo
Want me to bring you back here for the night?
Oh now you offer to give me a ride. I’ll live (at least for tonight)
"Get it together, Emiliana," I mutter under my breath, the sound feeling foreign in the empty house. Dropping onto the old couch, its springs groan under my weight. I call Dallas, in need of a distraction and she picks up on the first ring.
"Hey, stranger." Her voice crackles through the line as the familiar sounds of Manhattan hum in the background. “Are you alive? Did you make it okay? Do I need to bail you out of Windhaven county jail for decking someone at the train station? Because, babe, I will. You know I’ll wear my cutest outfit and smile sweetly at the officers and everything—”
“I just got to town not too long ago.” I cut her rant off by a few minutes. Clearing my throat, I get off the couch to pace a tight circle in the middle of the dusty living room. “I’m at the yellow house now.”
She goes quiet for a beat, shifting into Best Friend Mode, with her antenna up and ready to act at the drop of a hat. “And? How bad is it? Your brothers? The house? The town? Scale of one to running back here screaming?”
I swallow hard and lean against the nearest wall, sliding down until I’m sitting on the floor, knees tucked up, and phone pressed tight to my ear.
“I’m fine,” I lie smoothly. It pours out like muscle memory.
“House is standing. Brothers are still breathing. Town hasn’t burned down yet. Gold stars all around.”
Dallas snorts. “Okay, drama queen. Try again. For real this time.”
My throat feels hot and tight when I speak again. “I saw him.”
There’s a pause sharp enough to cut glass. I don’t have to say his name or give any other details for Dallas to know exactly who I am talking about. In our ten years of friendship, Alex has unfortunately been brought up more times than I would like to admit.
“Oh, Em,” she breathes out. I can hear the concern in her voice.
“I should’ve planned better. How did I think I wasn’t going to see him at Friday family dinner,” I mumble, dragging a hand through my now-tangled hair, tugging at the ends until my scalp stings. “He just walked in like it was any other day.”
“I’m guessing by your tone that you did not welcome him with open arms and a fruit basket.”
I bark out a hollow laugh that sounds more like a choke on air. “We got into a fight, in his truck.”
I don’t even realize I am now twisting the hem of my sleeve into knots until my knuckles start to turn white.
“He offered to drive me here. My brothers basically forced me to let him. And the second we were alone, I lost it. I told him I left because loving him wasn’t enough to keep me here.
” I pause, still not believing it myself. “I said that to him, Dallas.”
Silence stretches long and thin across the line. I can picture her perfectly curled up on her sleek gray couch, feet tucked under her, pen stuck behind her ear even though she doesn’t need it, brows knit together like she’s strategizing a murder plot on my behalf.
“You told him the truth,” she says finally. “You don’t owe him anything more than that.”
I squeeze my eyes shut as my nails bite into my palms. “He still looked at me like I shattered him.”
“Well, you probably did.” There’s a pause.
A breath punches out of me, shaky and uneven.
I tip my head back against the wall, staring up at the cracked ceiling.
“I don’t know why I thought coming back here was a good idea.
This house is a mess. I’m a mess. My heart is a ticking fucking time bomb.
And now I have to be in this town and sit across from Alex at family dinners every week like my entire world didn’t end ten years ago in this same exact town. ”
Dallas lets out a long, slow exhale. “Well, deep… deep down, you know you need to be there,” she says. “You need your brothers. You need roots again. And maybe you need to face him again, too. Even if it hurts like hell.”
I scrub my eyes with the heel of my palm. “God, I hate how wise and logical you are sometimes.”
She laughs. “It’s annoying, I know.”
The corners of my mouth tug up slightly. “I wish I was there.”
“I wish you were too, babe. But listen to me, and listen good because I don’t say mushy shit often, okay?
You’re not alone in this. You’re stronger than you think.
And you didn’t go back to Windhaven to crumble.
You went back to heal. Whether that’s from Alex or your heart or your past—I don’t know.
Maybe all of it. But you’re there now. So give yourself a damn break and try to breathe for once. ”
A shaky breath rattles out of me. “I love you, D,” I whisper.
“I love you more,” she fires back immediately. There’s some rustling on her end, followed by a muffled voice.“Crap, I gotta go, Em. But I miss you already.”
“Miss you, too,” I say. “Have fun with your loser boyfriend.”
She gasps in exaggerated offense. “How dare you? Aiden is—”
“The worst.” I finish the sentence for her.
She laughs, but knows that I actually mean it. “I’ll tell him you say hi.”
“Please don’t.”
“Too late. Bye, Em!”
The line goes dead before I can protest further.
Tossing the phone onto the couch, I push to my feet and look around at the unfamiliar space.
It still doesn’t feel like home, at least not yet.
I know there is a lot of work that needs to be done for that to happen.
First step… finding the coffee maker. If I’m going to deal with this house, my brothers and Alex, I need caffeine. Lots of it.