Chapter 17
ALEX
Here I am, for probably the millionth fucking time, standing like an idiot in front of her door, knowing I should walk away. Here I am, standing like an idiot knowing for a damn fact I’m going to do the exact opposite.
The look in Emma’s eyes haunts me. She begged me to leave, while her eyes begged me to stay. I heard her voice shake when she said she hated me, not because it was true, but because it was the only way she could protect what was left of her heart.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, but I know one thing: leaving her tonight isn’t an option.
She’s in my bones, in my breath. The look she had in her eyes is branded into mine now.
I lean against the side of the house. I can still feel the shape of her hands on me, the warmth of her breath as she lashed out and admitted that I terrified her, not because I hurt her, but because I made her feel something.
The possible consequences about what I want to do are circling through my head. If Cam finds out I am here, he will kill me. If he finds out any of the history his little sister and I have, he will beat my ass into the ground without blinking.
What I want to do could possibly ruin everything I’ve built with him and the Diaz family for the past two decades, and I don’t know if I’m ready to take that risk.
But Cam doesn’t know what it’s like to carry a kind of love that is quiet and buried and painful every day.
Or what it’s like to sit across a room from someone who used to know every inch of you and pretend that she means nothing.
Or what it’s like to watch someone you used to make laugh, fake it with other people and smile only for the sake of appearances, while knowing it’s all an act.
He doesn’t know what it’s like to love someone from the sidelines.
I rub my hand over my face, dragging in a harsh breath.
“Fuck it,” I mutter under my breath, and before I can talk myself out of it, I shove the door open and stomp inside.
Emma doesn’t hear me at first. She’s pacing in the living room, fidgeting with the ring on her finger again how she always does when she’s anxious. Her dress clings to her body. The red boots are forgotten by the door. She looks like she’s unraveling right in front of my eyes.
Her pacing turns her in my direction and she sees me.
She stops cold, like I’ve pulled the plug on her storm. Her eyes meet mine, and everything in me stills.
Neither of us move or speak for what feels like an eternity.
It feels like standing on the edge of a cliff with the wind at your back and no rope to catch you. There is only the drop, and the truth, and the terrifying question of whether she’ll fall with me, or walk away again.
Something in me fractures and I find myself crossing the room quickly, without thinking or hesitating. Before she can throw her walls back up, or tell me to leave, or come up with any excuse why this is a bad idea, I grab her face with both hands and kiss her.
She gasps, her hands flat against my chest, pushing in pure shock.
After the realization settles in, she pulls me in like I’m the air she needs to breathe, like I’m the answer to a question she’s been afraid to ask. Her hands fist my hoodie, her lips parting beneath mine. It’s not clean or careful. It’s messy and raw.
It’s years too late but I don’t care anymore.
I groan into her mouth, sliding my hands down her back, landing on the small of her waist. Suddenly the space between us sends me into a rage.
I need her closer. My fingers dig into her sides and I lift her without thinking.
She is so light, the motion feels completely effortless.
Her legs wrap around my waist on instinct, like this is something we should’ve been doing all along.
Carrying her to the couch, I do everything possible not to break the kiss or go a second without her lips against mine. I drop onto the cushions with her thighs straddling my lap. She fits perfectly around me, as if the universe never meant for us to be anything but this.
We are so close that I can feel her racing pulse against my chest.
Her fingers dig into my hair, nails scraping against my scalp as she pulls me deeper into the kiss.
I groan when her lips pull away, suddenly feeling empty where they once were, but she moves along my jaw and then down my neck.
It’s too much, and not enough. I don’t know where to touch her first, so I touch everywhere—her waist, her thighs, the soft skin behind her knees.
She trembles under my hands, and I know this isn’t just lust that we are feeling.
It never has been that.
Reaching for the hem of her dress, I drag it up slowly. Emma’s mouth breaks contact with my skin, breathing heavy with wild, glassy eyes. Her lips are swollen and cheeks are flushed red. There’s a look on her face that says she’s trying to decide whether to let this continue or run again.
So I stop.
My hands stay in place on her upper thighs, chest rising and falling like I’ve just run a mile uphill. “You have to tell me.” The words come out careful and serious. I need her to be the one to decide. “Do you want this? Us? If you do, you have to say it. Otherwise, I walk.”
She swallows, her throat working hard as she takes in my question, analyzing all the possible consequences that could result from what we’re about to do. She finally gives me a nod, but I need to hear her say the words.
“Say it, Em.”
“Yes, I want this… you.” She breathes out, slow and shaky.
It’s enough.
It’s everything.
I shift her beneath me, laying her back onto the couch with reverence as her dress bunches up around her hips. I slide down, settling between her legs, and rest my hands on her thighs. She shudders at my touch, her fingers clutching at the couch cushions.
I meet her gaze. “Might want to hold on tight, Princess.”
Her eyes go wide as she parts her lips and tries to say something, but nothing comes out, besides a whisper of my name, broken and pleading. I kiss my way up her thigh, slow and deliberate, at my own pace.
She deserves to be worshipped. I want to know every inch of her, to taste every piece of the girl I lost. My hands slide under her dress pushing it further up her body for better access, mouth trailing behind.
When I finally reach her panties, I place one slow kiss on the fabric between me and her center before hooking them in my fingers and sliding them off.
I place another kiss on her bare cunt now.
Fuck.
I lose the last sliver of sanity I have left.
I grab her body and flip us over so I am laying down and she is on top of me. “Sit on my face, baby.” I demand.
She obeys, climbing up and placing her thighs on either side of my head. Her cunt now hovers over my mouth and I feel like an animal, the need to taste her again completely taking over me. I grab the back of her thighs and pull her down onto my mouth, swiping my tongue along her slit once.
She tastes like heaven and sin and something I’ll never get enough of.
Emma cries out, one hand flying to my hair and the other gripping the back of the couch as her hips jerk.
I grip around her thighs tighter, keeping them open as I look up, focusing entirely on her and the way she starts to come undone over me.
I pull her hips closer as I swipe my tongue a second time, slower and deeper, deliberately teasing.
“That’s it, Princess,” I murmur against her skin. “You’re so good for me. So fucking perfect.”
Another swipe.
She gasps, dragging her nails through my scalp as I work her over. My mouth and tongue are relentless now, kissing and licking and sucking on her clit over and over.
I can’t get enough. I don’t want to ever stop.
Her hips roll into me, matching my rhythm, chasing it, needing it. And I give her everything. I devour her like it’s the last meal I’ll ever have.
When she breaks, her body tightens and her breath shatters into pieces. It’s the most beautiful fucking thing I’ve ever seen.
She comes apart like a wave crashing against a jagged shore, and I ride it with her with my tongue lapping her clit and holding her through every tremor and breathless cry. Her hands grip my hair tighter as she comes. My cock pulses as I lick up her cum, wanting to be covered in it as well.
I press kisses along her inner thighs as she floats back down.
Resting my forehead there, I try to catch my own breath.
My body is tight with restraint. Every inch of me aches for her.
But I don’t move until Emma slides down my body.
She moves her hands down my face and as our eyes lock onto each other’s.
She’s undone, but so beautiful. Several strands of hair stick to her neck and forehead as she glistens under the glow of the fire that I’m just now noticing she lit herself. She must’ve started it while I was outside having a mental breakdown.
Emma’s chest rises and falls in sharp bursts, trying to regulate her labored breathing. She looks torn open and stitched back together all at once. She leans down and I kiss her, unhurried and tender, and she melts into me, as my arms wrap around her body.
I never want to let her go.
“I want you inside me, Alex.” She breaks the kiss, whispering against my mouth.
It’s one thing for me to make her come with my mouth, but actually having sex with her is something else entirely. We did a lot when we were younger, but never that. We got close quite a few times but she wasn’t ready and I never wanted to push her.
“Are you sure?” I ask, needing to know if it’s something she really wants because there’s no going back.
“Yes,” she breathes before pulling me closer again, her soft, swollen lips pressing against mine. This time it is deep and wild as her hands move down my face to my hoodie, pulling it over my head frantically before throwing it onto the floor. She does the same with the shirt underneath.
She gets up from the couch and I follow. I pull her close and kiss down her neck, pulling the dress over her head. My eyes can’t help but to trace every curve of her naked body as she stands before me.
Our lips bash against each other again, desperate and not wanting to waste any time. Emma’s hands reach down and undo the button on my jeans. She kneels down and slides them off. As she does the same with my briefs, my hard cock jolts free.
Emma looks up at me with a grin as she places her small hand around my girth, pumping me once, then twice. She stands back up and kisses me again, without letting go of my cock as she continues to move her hand back and forth. I walk us backwards and lay her gently on the couch.
She immediately opens her legs as I climb over her, inviting me in.
It’s a dream to look at her like this, so bare and vulnerable for me.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I say as I kneel between her thighs.
I slide the tip of my cock along her slit.
Her cum drips onto me and I can barely contain myself.
I push inside of her, a little and then all at once.
“Your pussy is so tight and wet for me, Princess.” I growl as I pull back and push inside her again, slower this time. I want her to feel every inch of me inside her, filling her up.
She gasps, then lets out a slow breath. “Alex.” My name slips from her mouth like a prayer.
“Yes, baby?” I pump inside her slowly again, taking my time, savoring every second. “You wanna come again, don’t you?” I tease.
“Yes,” she breathes.
“You can’t come again until I say so, okay?” More of a demand, than a question.
“Okay,” she moans as her head falls back against the couch cushion, moving her hips against mine in a steady rocking motion.
Fuck, she feels so good.
I move my hips with her as my mouth lands on one of her breasts.
Taking her plump, pink nipple into my mouth, my tongue traces circles around the outside before finally sucking and kissing it.
I do the same to the other one, picking up the pace of my cock thrusting inside of her.
I bite down gently on her nipple before letting go.
Emma lets out a tiny yelp as she smirks up at me.
I can feel myself seconds away from coming undone. Our rhythm is fast and purposeful now, both desperate for release.
“Come for me, Princess. I want to feel you come all over my cock.” I command, voice deep and rough.
Before she can say anything, Emma screams my name as I feel her tighten around my cock. I also come undone, pumping my cum inside her pussy, legs trembling as I let out a deep moan, face buried in her neck. “Fuck.”
We try to catch our breaths for a couple seconds, bodies still and pressed against each other. I place a gentle kiss on her lips.
“Stay.”
Just one word.
It slices through any doubt I may have had.
I nod, brushing the hair back from her face. “I’m not going anywhere, Em.”
She exhales, her whole body softening beneath me, and I shift us until she’s curled into my chest. Her cheek presses against my collarbone, our legs tangled together, and I hold her like she’s the only thing anchoring me to this earth.
I run my fingers through her hair, down her bare chest, tracing circles around the ICD device implanted under her skin.
It’s been there for as long as I can remember.
I want to ask how she’s doing, how everything is going with her heart, but don’t want to ruin the moment.
I push the thought to the side and decide to ask her at a better time.
Emma’s breathing finally evens out, bit by bit, as I move my hands to trace patterns on her back, and she soon falls asleep.
I lie there, staring at the fire in the hearth for a while.
My heart is thundering at just the fact that I am finally holding Emma in my arms again after ten fucking years.
I don’t know what tomorrow’s going to look like.
I don’t know if this changes anything or if it’s just one more beautiful mistake in this story for us.
But I do know one thing: I’m not walking away from her.