Chapter 34
EMMA
The scent of pine, gingerbread and cinnamon fills the house as I sit on the floor, untangling a string of Christmas lights, while Liv and Sophia bicker over how to arrange the garland on the mantle.
Every inch of my body aches, exhaustion creeping in and settling inside my bones more quickly than I’d like to admit, but I push through.
The house needs to look perfect for tomorrow.
It’s my first time hosting anything in this house, and probably my last, if we’re being brutally honest.
But I would never say that part out loud.
Liv huffs as she steps back from the mantle and crosses her arms over her chest, admiring their work. “Remind me again why we’re letting you host when you can barely stand up without looking like you’re about to topple over?”
I roll my eyes, wrapping the lights around my hand and elbow. “Because I want to. And if I don’t, Cam will, and Christmas deserves a little more joy than that.”
Sophia giggles, fluffing one of the decorative pillows on the couch. “She’s got a point.”
Liv levels me with a look that’s way too knowing. “Still, you should be resting, not playing Martha Stewart.”
“I don’t want to rest,” I admit. “I want to do this. It’s my favorite holiday and I want it to feel normal and special this year, despite the circumstances.”
Liv’s shoulders fall in acceptance. She exchanges a glance with Sophia before kneeling next to me, taking the lights from my hands and finishing the job herself. I sigh and lean back against the couch, rubbing my temples as I try to catch my breath.
“You okay?” Sophia asks quietly, concern lacing her voice.
I nod. “Yeah. Just tired.”
I can tell they don’t buy it, but they know not to pry. I don’t have the energy to argue, and they know that too.
As we finish up, I glance at the clock. “By the way, Alex is planning a surprise for me tonight. He wants me at his place at seven. I have no idea what it could possibly be.”
“A man that plans surprises? Where do I get one of those?” Liv teases.
I can’t remember the last time she ever had a serious boyfriend, usually picking the ones afraid of commitment or that clearly have unresolved mommy issues.
I laugh, shaking my head. “You don’t. You can have Frankie instead, though.”
Sophia snickers, and Liv’s eyes shoot daggers at us both. “That’s disgusting. That can’t be my destiny.”
We all laugh, picturing the two people that hate each other most in the world ending up together in the end.
Liv and Soph finish setting the last of the decorations. We laugh and dance around the living room to Christmas music. I occasionally help with a garland, or wreath, or string of lights, but do more smiling and nodding than anything else.
When they leave, I sit in silence for a long white, trying to catch my breath again before having to leave for Alex’s.
When I get to his house, he’s standing at the door waiting for me with a smug little grin tugging at his lips. “Close your eyes,” he orders gently.
I quirk a brow. “Is this how I die? Because honestly, at this point, I wouldn’t even fight it.”
He rolls his eyes, stepping closer and placing both hands over mine as I cover my eyes. “Just trust me.”
I let him guide me, feeling the warmth of the inside as soon as we walk through the threshold.
Something delicious fills the air but I can’t pinpoint it.
When he tells me to open my eyes, I suddenly feel unable to breathe or speak or move.
The dining table is set beautifully— candlelight flickering against the rich wood, a bouquet of deep red roses in the center and rose petals spread throughout the entire area.
Soft music plays in the background, the entire space feeling like something out of a dream.
“Alex, no lo puedo creer. You did all this?” I whisper, looking up at him.
He shrugs like it’s nothing, but the slight pink in his cheeks gives him away. “Wanted to have a quiet night in with you before tomorrow.”
Emotion rises in my chest as my throat feels like it’s going to close up.
He pulls out a chair for me, kissing the side of my head as I settle in. He walks around the table, into the kitchen and brings out two plates of homemade Ajiaco, a Cuban country-style stew. He sets both plates down before sitting across the table from me.
“Did you make this?” I question his culinary abilities, as I don’t think I’ve seen him cook any kind of food, ever.
“Yes,” he admits, suddenly looking like a shy little boy. “Cam gave me your mom’s recipe. It took a lot of begging so I hope it tastes okay.”
“I’m sure it’s great.”
And it is. The first spoonful hits my mouth and I’m pleasantly surprised to discover that it does, in fact, taste just like Mom’s.
“It’s so good, Alex. Really.” I announce before eating another spoonful.
His lips curl up in a bashful smile, but I can see how truly proud he is.
We eat and laugh and joke. Everything is perfect.
Honestly, too perfect. It makes the ache in my chest grow larger.
I don’t know how many more of these moments I’ll get with him and it’s actually heartbreaking to finally have him back in my life after all these years at the wrong time, when my days are numbered and the chance of us actually having a future together are slim to none.
For tonight, I let myself have it, but the thoughts linger in the back of my mind.
After we finish our food, Alex stands and reaches into his pocket. “I have something for you.”
I frown. “I thought we said no gifts.”
“It’s technically not from me.”
He pulls out a small, delicate locket and I freeze. My heart clenches painfully as I recognize it immediately, the gold, the tiny engraving, the way it gleams even in the dim candlelight.
I cover my mouth. “How did you—”
“Cam gave it to me,” Alex says softly. “Thought I should be the one to give it to you.”
Tears spill over before I can stop them. I take it from his hands, fingers trembling as I trace the locket I haven’t seen in over a decade. My mom wore it every day. It was hers, and now it’s mine.
I clutch it to my chest, closing my eyes. “I don’t even know what to say.”
Alex steps closer, wrapping me in his arms. “Just say you’ll keep fighting. That you’ll stay.”
I sniffle, burying my face against him. “I’ll try.”
He walks over to me and grabs the locket from my hands, reaching to clasp it around my neck. I touch it against my collarbone. It’s a reminder that she’s still here with me, even though I miss her every second of every day.
Alex, who has been with me through the darkest moments of my entire life, is standing here, looking at me like I hung the stars, giving me something that feels like a promise of a future we can have, even if it’s only one I let myself believe in for tonight.
I love him.
The realization settles into me like a quiet, undeniable truth.
I love him. I love him. I love him.
I always have, I just didn’t want to see or acknowledge it before. I think it was a result of losing so many people in my life that I loved. I was scared that if I loved him, I would lose him too. And the fucked up thing is… that I was right.
I know that I love him now, and I’m going to lose him.
I throw my arms around his neck, clutching him to me as I breathe him in. “Thank you,” I whisper against his skin.
“Always,” he murmurs back.
I wake up the next morning and something is wrong.
It’s not the usual fatigue. This is worse. Heavier.
My body feels like it’s sinking into the mattress, as if gravity has tripled overnight. Even lying down, the dizziness grips me like a vice, unrelenting and cruel.
Please, not today.
This is our first Christmas together. I won’t let my body take that away from me. I hear Alex stir beside me, and then his groggy morning voice mumbles, “Good morning, Princess. Feliz Navidad.”
I force a smile as I turn my head toward him, willing my body to cooperate. “Merry Christmas.” I reply, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. The room tilts slightly, but I ignore it.
He studies me, his hazel eyes sharper now as if he recognized a slight change in me.
“How are you feeling?”
“Perfect.” The lie slides out too easily.
His brows pull together. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “Just tired from yesterday. It was a lot.”
Alex doesn’t look convinced, and I know he sees right through me. “You don’t have to pretend with me, Em. You know that.”
I close my eyes for a second, swallowing past the fear creeping up my throat. “I just want today to be perfect.”
He exhales softly. Instead of pushing further, he pulls me close, wrapping me in his warmth. I bury my face in his chest, savoring the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my cheek, memorizing the way his fingers trace slow circles against my back.
I’m so fucking scared.
By the time we make it back to my house in the afternoon, I’m barely keeping it together. My legs feel weak. My head is foggy. But I keep smiling and moving through the motions, because today is special and I’m not going to ruin in with my fucked up situation.
Alex watches me like a hawk.
When I go to start prepping the food, he gently takes the utensils out of my hands. “Sit down. I got it.”
I start to argue, but his stare silences me. With a sigh, I perch on a stool at the counter, watching him move around my kitchen like he belongs there. While the food is in the oven, I grab his hand and pull him toward my art studio. “I want to show you something.”
A look of suspicion overcomes his face. “Is this a trap? You never let me back here.”
I laugh, leading him inside. The studio is small but cozy.
The walls are covered with several unfinished canvases, paint-stained rags are thrown about, and the shelves are stacked with brushes and jars of color.
He stops in front of a large canvas near the window, his gaze sweeping over it.
There’s not just one painting, there’s a collection of them around it.
All different, each one scattered with pieces of him.
“These are all inspired by you,” I admit quietly.
Alex turns to me, something unreadable in his expression. Then, without a word, he pulls me in and kisses me. It’s deep, slow, filled with something unspoken. I feel my knees go weak, literally, and have to grip his arms to keep from swaying or falling to the ground.
“Em?”
I step back, trying to play it off. “Just a little… lightheaded.”
His jaw twitches slightly, but before he can say anything, we hear the front door open and laughter echo throughout the house.
Everyone is here. Leo, Mia, Cam, Frankie, Liv and Sophia all pile inside, shaking off the cold, voices overlapping in a mess of bodies and chaos.
It’s exactly what I wanted: everyone together under one roof, under my roof.
Mom used to host people all the time—every holiday, birthdays for everyone she loved, even random dinners for people in town she thought could use a hot, home-cooked meal.
I always wanted to do that, too. After leaving Windhaven, that never was an option for me anymore. Life in the city is very lonely, despite the constant rush of people you meet and talk to on the daily.
It makes me happy to finally be able to do it now, with the people that mean the most to me.
Alex leans in and presses a kiss to my temple. “I forgot to lock up the bar last night. I’m gonna run back real quick before dinner.”
I frown, knowing that the timing is off but not wanting to say anything in fear of causing him to worry more than he already is.
“Now?”
“I’ll only be five minutes.”
I hesitate, but finally nod. “Okay. Hurry back.”
He presses a quick kiss to my cheek. “Always.”
I watch him leave, my stomach twisting with unease. Something about this moment feels wrong. I just don't know why.