Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Eden
Carrie is fine, just as she said. The girls are with her while we wait for her discharge papers, and I need to go find Foster to give him an update. Stepping into the waiting room, I scan the room, but I don’t see him.
“Are you lookin’ for that handsome man you came in here with?” an older lady sitting in the far corner asks.
“I am.” I smile at her.
“He went that way.” She nods toward the hallway that reads Concessions.
“Thank you.” I smile at her and head that way.
As soon as I step into the hallway, I hear his voice, stopping me in my tracks.
“Violet?” he asks. “What are you doing here?”
My heart plummets straight to my feet, like it’s forgotten how to beat properly.
The air leaves my lungs all at once, stolen, and for a second, I swear the world tilts.
I pray that he doesn’t turn around. I don’t think I could survive seeing his face right now.
I don’t want to see him look at her the way he used to look at me.
Violet.
The name echoes in my head, loud and sharp.
The woman he’s loved all these years is standing right in front of him.
Right here, in this place. Suddenly, everything I thought we were building shatters.
Even though this hurts like hell, I’m happy for him.
I really try to hold on to that thought, but my heart is cracking wide open anyway, splitting down the middle with a pain so sharp it feels physical.
My chest aches, tight and burning, like something inside me is collapsing in on itself.
Maybe I should see a doctor. I’m already in the right place for that, aren’t I?
I don’t wait around to hear the rest of their conversation.
I slip away from the small room like a coward, my feet carrying me down the hall before my mind can catch up.
I move fast, too fast, desperate for somewhere to disappear.
Somewhere I can breathe. Somewhere I can let the tears fall without being seen, without having to explain why I’m breaking apart in a place full of strangers.
I need somewhere I can fall apart quietly.
Because this hurts. God, it hurts so much.
I knew it would. I knew it the moment I let myself fall for him.
Knew the moment that I let myself believe that this was real, that it could become something.
That we could become something. That I was taking a risk.
It was a risk my heart couldn’t afford after years of rejection, but I took it anyway, because even with the pain, I’ll never regret a single second spent in his arms.
I’ve never been the girl who gets the happily ever after.
I’ve always known that fairy-tale endings don’t stick to someone like me.
I just didn’t think it would unravel this fast. Hoped that it wouldn’t is more like it.
I pushed the fear to the back of my mind and just immersed myself in him, and how he made me feel seen, cherished… loved.
I hope that it works out for them. It hurts to even think that way, but in my heart, I just want Foster to be happy. I want his dreams to come true, even though he became mine, and that’s no longer a possibility. I still want him to have everything he’s ever wanted.
Including her.
And that thought hurts worse than anything else.
Because, despite everything, despite the ache in my chest and the tears blurring my vision, I want him to be happy.
I want nothing more than for Foster to find love, real love, and build the life he’s always dreamed of.
He deserves that. He deserves someone who is only his. Someone he never has to let go of.
I want that for him.
Even if it means I’m standing alone in a quiet hallway, holding my heart together with shaking hands, trying to remember how to walk away without breaking completely.
I don’t know how long I stand here in this little alcove at the end of the hall, but I know that I can’t hide here forever. I need to face him and this situation, and I plan to do so with grace.
Foster made me no promises; he didn’t lie to me or coerce me into his bed. I fell there willingly. He’s an incredible human—one of my favorites, if not my very favorite person—and it’s not his fault I fell madly in love with him.
Closing my eyes, I wipe my cheeks with my hands, ridding myself of the evidence of my tears, while I focus on breathing.
I can do this. I won’t tell him that I know he saw her, not until we get Carrie and the girls back home safely.
Then, I’ll let him know how happy I am for him, and I’ll walk away.
He deserves that.
With a plan, I stand tall, slowly blink open my eyes, and put one foot in front of the other. As I’m passing the small concession room, Foster is walking out. “Hey.” He smiles when he sees me.
That smile.
Damn, this hurts.
“Hi.” I try to smile back at him, knowing that I’m falling short.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, his brow furrowing with concern.
“Yeah, just emotional.” I smile through the pain.
“Come here, baby,” he says, and I’m powerless to fight his embrace.
Instead, I step into his open arms, wrap mine around him, and bury my face in his chest. I’ll miss this. The safety his embrace brings. The comfort of his scent, the way I seem to fit perfectly in his arms.
“Is she ready to go?” he asks, his arms still locked around me, holding me together when I feel like I’m coming apart.
“Yeah,” I say, my voice muffled against his chest. “They were finishing her discharge papers. The girls are with her. I came to find you to update you, and I just…” My words trail off.
I don’t finish the sentence because I don’t know how to explain that I needed to breathe, needed something solid to hold on to before I shattered completely.
He eases back just enough to look at me, his eyes searching my face like he might find the truth of what I’m not saying. “You good now?”
I nod, even though my chest aches with the lie. “I’m good.” The words come out automatically. A reflex I’ve practiced my whole life.
“Come on,” he says gently. “Let’s go get your family so that we can go home.”
Home.
The word hits me harder than anything else tonight.
My throat tightens, and for a second, I’m terrified I won’t be able to hold it in.
I wanted him to be my home. I had hoped that he would be a place where I could finally rest, finally belong.
But wanting something doesn’t make it real, and I know better than to let myself believe in something that fragile.
So, I swallow the feeling down, press it deep where it can’t break me, and lead him back to Carrie’s room.
The girls smile when they see us, chattering away about how the nurse took their vitals.
Carrie smiles at her daughters, and again, an ache for something I’ll never have sits heavy inside my chest.
I’ll never have it because I know that I’ll never love another man the way I love Foster. I won’t settle, just as I won’t let him settle… with me. It’s the vicious truth of the heart, but it’s the truth all the same.
Nearly an hour later, Foster is pulling Carrie and Nick’s family van into the garage, and Nick rushes out of the house to greet us. He called Carrie back ten minutes ago, and she assured him she was fine and would meet us at the house.
Thankfully, the girls chattered all the way home, so there was no awkward silence.
They grilled Foster with questions from whether he played Barbies, to whether girls could play football.
He answered yes to the latter, saying he had never done it, but he was willing to do the first. He was patient with them, kind, and I know he’s going to be a great father, if that opportunity ever presents itself to him.
“Fuck,” Nick mutters. The girls gasp, but he ignores them as he helps Carrie out of the back of the van and pulls her into his arms. Foster and I remain in our seats, giving them time, and once they start to help the girls from their seats, we climb out.
“Thanks, man,” Nick says, offering his hand to Foster. “Nick,” he adds.
“Foster. No thanks necessary.”
“Daddy, we gots to see the nurses, and they said we all better,” Daisy tells Nick.
He chuckles. “That’s good to hear, sweetheart. Let’s go in so Mommy can rest.”
“I’m fine,” Carrie assures him.
“I know, but Nick’s right. You need to rest,” I tell Carrie, moving in to give her a side hug, because Nick hasn’t let her go since helping the girls from the van. He immediately went back to her, wrapping her in his arms. “We’re going to let you go.”
“The cupcakes!” Summer cries.
“Cupcakes?” Nick asks.
“It’s Foster’s birthday today. We made cupcakes,” I explain.
“Oh, well, Daddy can help you finish them. Maybe Foster and Aunt Eden can come by tomorrow or later today and pick them up,” Nick suggests.
“Foster, will that make you sad?” Summer asks.
He kneels in front of her. “No, sweetie, that won’t make me sad. The best part of my birthday was making cupcakes with the three of you. With my job, I don’t get to eat sweets very often, so you and your sister can have them.”
“Not even on your birthday?” Summer’s eyes widen, and we all chuckle.
“Sometimes.” He winks.
“Come back and have one,” Summer insists.
“We’ll come back,” he assures her. “Let’s give Mommy a few hours to rest, and then we’ll stop back by.” Foster stands back to his full height. “We’ll bring dinner with us, give you both a break from cooking.”
My heart.
This man.
Even knowing where Violet is, knowing she’s back in his life, he’s still being nice to my family. I want to tell him not to make promises he can’t keep, but he’s never broken a promise. I know he’ll do what he says, which means I have to hold it together a little longer. I can’t break apart yet.
The drive back to Foster’s condo is quiet. He doesn’t speak, and neither do I. Instead, I hold on to his hand, as if it’s my lifeline, and tell myself I can do this. I can pretend I’m not falling to pieces for a few more hours.