Chapter 27
Mission Status: This could work
Finn
I felt euphoric.
Completely relaxed and drifting in and out of blissed-out consciousness. Alex’s absolute commitment and focus had been my undoing—the things she said, the way she made sure I could watch her watching me—fuck I was getting hard again already. This could work.
I was fairly certain Alex had fallen asleep next to me—her breathing slowed, punctuated by deep sighs, followed by a deeper settling against me. But now she was restless, as if her constantly spinning mind had shifted into overdrive and it was getting harder to stay still.
“I can hear you thinking,” I teased gently, kissing the top of her head.
“Imagine having a front row seat to it,” she huffed, slipping her arm around my middle and anchoring herself to me like she had the first morning we’d spent in her bed. “Finn?” she whispered at length. My heart quickened the tone of her voice.
“What is it, darlin’?” I did my best to keep my own voice casual, carding my fingers through her soft—now-brown and blonde—hair that was even more Alex than the pink.
“I need to tell you something about children…” I felt her tense against me even though she didn’t pull away. My fingers stilled against her locks.
“Okay.”
“It’s just…” She sat up now to look at me, even though she ended up looking down—I swallowed.
“I’ve never really cared about having kids,” she lifted a shoulder and then lifted her eyes back to me.
“Just the thought of having someone else depend on me made me feel like I was suffocating. And then I built my career and now I’ve built the business…
and after my dad died, my family seemed to rely on me more and more until I just felt…
depleted.” She picked at something on my shirt, her eyes shiny as they dropped again.
“Does your family know?” I watched her carefully.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel some relief that she’d never ask me for something that I might not be able to give her, but it came with a strange sense of loss.
She’d be an incredible mother—her children would be whip smart and incredible too.
But if she didn’t want it, she didn’t want it and that was fair based on everything I’d witnessed in our few months around each other.
“They do,” she nodded and then huffed. “But I think they just assume I’ll change my mind, and I’m saying stupid stuff or don’t mean it or get it. And maybe I will change my mind one day, but right now…” she took a deep breath that caught in her throat. “I just can’t.”
I cupped my hand against the side of her face, swiping away the single tear that had managed to escape with my thumb.
“Thank you for trusting me with that,” I leaned forward and brushed my lips lightly against hers.
“Stars you make it so easy,” she rolled her eyes as I pulled away, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth. “How do you do that?”
“Probably the same way you do for me,” I grinned, sitting up to stretch. I needed to move soon or I’d be too stiff to move at all. “I mean shit, Alex, I spent days spinning out over telling you about those test results and when I finally did, you fuckin’ gave me one hell of a response.”
She laughed, her cheeks flaming.
“But if this is going to work, on whatever level we’re explorin’ right now, we’ve got to be open with each other,” I sobered, threading my fingers between hers.
“I don’t want you to ever think I’m pulling away from you and I don’t want to find out you’re in crisis from your brother while he’s also threatening to hurt me. ”
Another laugh bubbled out of her before she turned more serious as well.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything that was going on,” she whispered, eyes sliding to the side again as she worked to be brave. “You were pulling away at the same time I was pushing, and it wasn’t okay for me to do that.”
“Do you want to tell me now?” I asked, ducking down to meet her eyes. “I’d love to understand.”
“Okay,” she nodded, climbing off the bed. “But I’m… I’m feeling a little uncomfortable and I need to do something while I talk, so I’m going to change.”
“Sweetheart, if I watch you change, we’ll never get to the actual conversation and I’m positive about that.”
“Then close your eyes!” She set her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. “I can’t just sit here—there’s too much energy inside me.”
“Maybe we should go for a walk?” I suggested—I needed air. And I needed to not think about Alex in her underwear. Alex’s little noises as she came undone. Alex squirming under me as I licked—damnit.
“Okay, but can I still change?” She was already unbuttoning the vest with nothing underneath.
“Alexandra, I’m serious,” I bolted off the bed, gripped her shoulders, and gave her a kiss meant to convey exactly what I was feeling before leaving her room and pulling the door closed behind me. Land sakes, she was going to be the death of me.
I busied myself in the kitchen, washing up the coffee mugs from when we’d first arrived and then making her cold brew since they were out of what Enzo had made. My phone buzzed in my pocket.
Apparently I was now part of a group text with Alex, Enzo, and Dom named “the fab 4.”
Enzo: Did you 2 kiss n make up yet?? I’m hungy!!
Dom: alex do you still want pizza?
I spoke out a message:
Me: Hey what if I don’t want pizza
I did want pizza—pizza sounded amazing, but I also wanted to mess with my brother.
Dom: i don’t care what you want shithead. the faster you learn alexandra the great is in charge the better life will go for you.
Alex: pizza sounds great! no peppers please.
Alex: and if Finn wants something else, it’s ok.
Me: Pizzas great
Enzo: Damn sister!! You got him trained already!!
Dom: we’ll be back in about 30
I rolled my eyes and pocketed my phone. Alex appeared, wearing the same ripstop leggings from our hike and an oversized t-shirt tied at the waist. Her hair was pulled up in a messy half-bun and I suddenly understood why she was always grumbling about how unfairly attractive it was on me. She pulled on her sneakers by the door.
“Ready to go before I lose my nerve?” she half-joked, but I sensed the seriousness behind her words.
“Absolutely,” I tracked the red wedges near the entrance as I pulled on my sneakers. “Those the shoes you wore today?”
“Mm-hmm,” she opened the door, her grin turning wicked. “They make me four inches taller.”
“Okay, I have to see those on next time,” I followed her as she headed toward the street.
She may have been seven inches shorter than me and looked like she would be slow, but Alex could move when she needed to get her energy out. I thought I’d enjoy a leisurely stroll—evidently that was not what we were going for this time.
I listened as she told me about the last two months at work—starting with the acquisition call the week before Enzo brought me to her house under dubious circumstances.
She spoke rapidly, only stopping to catch her breath occasionally as she told me about asking Jason to audit their security protocols that same day, Tabitha and Sherlock’s research into Titan, Jordan’s peculiar behavior around me that led to her asking Casey to keep an eye on him.
She circled back to Oliver’s retirement plans and the need to come up with some way of keeping the company—she mentioned briefly that she was sure Titan called because Jordan saw an opportunity in Oliver’s departure and contacted them.
I was blown away by how much she had set up in such a short amount of time.
Her constantly spinning brain building the shield meant to protect everything she cared about before she knew how big the threat was.
We were halfway around the second block when she told me about the increasing family pressure and how she’d been avoiding her mom, the small amount of wedding stress she’d felt trying to get a venue for the bachelor party, and the evidence Casey and Jason had been amassing while Tabitha looked for opportunities that would keep the company safe.
Then she mentioned the FBI’s involvement.
Jordan was lucky I was never going to see him again.
I knew my distance had compounded the stress—and I knew she was purposely leaving it out as she brought up sleeping less and eating less and generally deteriorating to the point that Tabitha had to take her to the psychiatrist and call Enzo—her emergency contact.
I was caught off guard by the jealousy that hit me, wishing I was her contact instead.
“Anyway, so now Peggy… Dr. Stewart, wants to taper me off my medication until I can show sustained improvement in my ‘lifestyle choices’ for at least a month,” she made air quotes around “lifestyle choices” and I detected the slightest hint of annoyance in her voice.
“Alex, I’m—” I stopped. I was sorry, but the word seemed inadequate.
I’d messed up. I’d missed everything while worrying about whether she’d even want to be with me once she found out about my test results.
And I couldn’t tell her she needed to take care of herself—she knew that and I knew that being another voice saying something she already knew deep inside would only piss her off.
I settled on, “how long have you been on your meds?”
“Just over five years,” her shoulders fell, her pace finally slowing enough that I could take her hand. “I’m terrified to go back to being without them. I need to be able to think, to function. Catalyst isn’t out of the woods yet.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t notice how much you had going on,” I apologized anyway, probably to make myself feel better more than anything.
“That was the point though, wasn’t it,” she shrugged. “I didn’t want you to see it. I didn’t want anyone to see I was failing.”
“You weren’t failing,” I tugged on her hand, stopping her. “Darlin’, anyone would struggle under that amount of stress. Most people would have imploded long before you did.”
“Yeah, well…” she looked away and then back to me. “Now I have to figure out how to keep going anyway with even less than I had before. I just wish I could just escape all of it for like two seconds and breathe!”
We started walking again, silence settling between us as I processed everything she’d said, and she took time to recover from her story.
“So… here’s an idea,” I started as we turned onto her street again. I figured we’d managed to walk at least two miles. “What if you could escape for a while?”
She glanced up at me, lifting an eyebrow.
“Hear me out,” I held up my hand, lifting a finger as I made each point.
“Technically you can work anywhere, or you wouldn’t have a home office.
You’re under your doctor’s orders to focus on yourself while you recover.
Tabitha and the team are still working on succession plans for Oliver’s departure, and you’re bound to come up with something in that insanely brilliant brain of yours. ”
“Okay…?”
“What if you… I dunno… came back to Wyoming with me?”
She slowed and I turned to watch her process.
“You’re not going back to LA?”
I shrugged. It had been the plan—that or ask to stay with her longer, but Wyoming felt like the obvious choice.
Instead of taking care of everyone, she’d be amongst people who would actively take care of her.
I could show her the Cub, let her work while I worked the ranch, spend quiet evenings with her under the stars.
“We could stay as long as you wanted,” I hitched a smile.
“You could work as much or as little as you needed. It’s a neutral place to process whatever you’re going to go through with the medication thing.
There are still a few baby animals hanging around, a river we could float, stars to lie out under—” Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her pocket, grimacing as she looked at the screen.
I peeked—my curiosity getting the better of me.
Her mom had left a voicemail. “You’ll be farther away from your family… ”
“I’m in,” she shoved her phone back in her pocket. “When can we leave?”