Chapter 43 #2
“I didn’t even think about it that way…” he murmured.
“I’ve been reading about ADHD because I want to understand, but I guess I didn’t even think about how it actually manifests.
I see when you’re brilliant, when you’re feisty, the way your mind instantly recognizes patterns and adjusts, but I didn’t think about the hard parts… How I might contribute to it.”
I turned to him more. “Finn, I know that what happened the other day wasn’t you. PTSD sucks, and we’re going to figure out how to make this work. I want to be there for you. I want to be there when your mind betrays you. But the rest of it…”
I stopped, needing a minute to recover from having to explain the parts of myself that I was still working to not be ashamed of.
“Part of why it hurts so bad when I find out you’re consciously keeping things from me is rejection sensitivity.
” I took a deep breath. “Logically I know you aren’t actively trying to hurt me or abandon me, but…
I have to work to remind myself that it’s not because I’m a horrible person.
It’s just you being human and messy, like me. ”
“My emotions are constantly just under the surface and anything that catches me by surprise and makes me feel negative emotions is like rubbing salt into an open wound. There’s just so much about my ADHD that’s always made being with anyone harder in the past.”
“Is that what it was like with Graham?” I caught the hard edge in his voice, noticed the way his jaw ticked.
“Sort of. At first I thought it was all my fault. But Graham cheated on me and tried to say it was my fault he did. And you’re ten times the man he’ll ever be,” I watched him, a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth.
“Hell, Walker, you’ve given me more orgasms in the last month than he did in our entire relationship.
I was practically cheating on him with my vibrator. ”
Finn barked out a laugh, cheeks turning dark, but I tracked the way he sat up straighter, his chest puffing out just a little more.
My voice softened. “I mean it when I say I need you to be straight with me. That we can’t hide things from each other. Or my brain will sabotage this relationship, and I don’t think either one of us wants that to happen.”
“No, ma’am.”
“Did you just ma’am me?” I chuckled. “Please tell me that’s not a new nickname.”
“No,” he huffed a laugh, rubbing his hand over his face. He was getting tired again. “But maybe… my feather.”
Warmth flooded my chest. “My Icarus,” I whispered, my voice rough.
“What a pair we are.”
After Finn dozed off again, I settled at the small desk with my laptop, finally reviewing the latest financial projections my advisor had sent over weeks ago.
Different scenarios for handling Catalyst Studios ownership; loan options, partnership structures, all laid out in neat columns.
Diving into spreadsheets felt like reclaiming some control over the parts of my life I could manage, but the answer of what to do still eluded me.
I was deep in comparing interest rates when my phone buzzed on the desk.
Lou: Hey Alex! Sorry to bother you, but Sherlock’s being weird again and I have a bachelorette party checking in this afternoon. Could you take a quick look? I’m at the front desk.
I glanced over at Finn, still sleeping soundly, then back at the screen full of numbers that were starting to blur together anyway.
Me: be there shortly.
I closed my laptop and grabbed a keycard.
The lobby was full, with couples checking in for extended weekend stays and families heading out for various activities. I spotted Lou behind the front desk, her blonde hair pulled back in a neat bun, looking slightly frazzled as she typed furiously.
“Alex, thank heavens,” she sighed when she saw me approaching. “I’m trying to get Sherlock to generate a guest preference report for the spa, but it keeps giving me generic responses instead of the detailed analysis you showed me before. And I have a VIP guest checking in at any moment.”
I moved around the counter to look at her screen. Sherlock’s interface was open, but I could see Lou’s prompts were too vague. “You need to be more specific about what kind of preferences you want analyzed. Here, let me show you.”
I was halfway through adjusting her prompt when the lobby doors slid open in front of us. Lou’s posture immediately shifted into professional welcome mode.
“That must be her now,” she murmured, smoothing her hair.
I glanced over my shoulder and froze. The woman approaching the front desk was somehow precisely who I’d expected and not at all who I’d prepared for.
Dr. Elena Martinez looked exactly like her LinkedIn photos, mid-fifties, with warm brown skin and short, curly gray hair styled in a perfectly on-trend textured, pixie cut.
I’d done my research, of course. Elena Martinez, PhD, Clinical Psychology, specializing in military trauma and aviation psychology. She was a former Air Force pilot, one of the first women to fly combat missions when they opened those roles in the ‘90s. Perfect for Finn.
“Good afternoon,” Elena smiled as she reached the counter. “I have a reservation under Martinez.”
Lou stepped forward with her practiced smile.
“Dr. Martinez, welcome to North Star Ranch. We’re so pleased to have you staying with us.
” She glanced at her computer screen, then back at Elena.
“I have you in our Mountain View Suite, and I’ve been instructed to take care of your room charges as a courtesy during your stay. ”
Elena’s expression shifted slightly, professional warmth giving way to something more careful. “That’s very kind, but I’m afraid I can’t accept complimentary accommodations.”
“Oh, but Mr. Walker specifically requested—” Lou began.
“Lou,” I interrupted, stepping up to the counter. “I’ll talk to Nolan. Dr. Martinez can’t take a comped room because it would create a conflict of interest in her professional relationship with Finn.”
Both women turned to look at me. Elena’s dark eyes were suddenly very alert, clearly trying to place who I was and how I knew about ethics rules for therapists.
“I’m Alex,” I extended my hand to Elena. “You’re here for Finn, right?”
Elena’s surprise lasted barely a heartbeat before her face broke into a genuine smile. “Alex Archer,” she took my hand with a firm shake. “And exactly how much research did you do when you found out I was coming?” The question sparkled with amusement rather than annoyance.
I couldn’t stop the sheepish smile as my cheeks warmed. “No more than I usually do for clients or people I’ll be spending extended amounts of time around.”
“Smart woman.” Elena turned back to Lou with that same warm smile. “I’m sorry, but Alex is absolutely right. Professional ethics don’t allow me to accept any gifts or benefits from my patient’s family or friends. This one’s on Uncle Sam.”
Lou nodded immediately, already adjusting something on her screen. “Of course, no problem at all. I’ll make sure billing handles it properly.” She looked up with a smile. “The Walkers just wanted to make sure you felt welcome.”
“That’s very thoughtful,” Elena nodded. “And I do feel welcome.” Her gaze shifted back to me. “Alex, would you mind if I asked what brings you to help with the front desk? I have to say, it’s not often I meet someone who knows much about ethics off the top of their head.”
“I run a creative studio back in Salt Lake, so I work with a lot of different professionals. Accountants, lawyers, consultants. You learn pretty quick that offering gifts or services creates problems for people who have professional licensing requirements.”
Elena’s eyes lit up with interest. “What kind of creative work?”
“Mostly animation, but we have a game development studio on the side that’s starting to pick up traction.” I gestured toward Sherlock’s interface, still open on Lou’s screen. “I was actually helping Lou with Sherlock, my company’s AI development assistant, when you arrived.”
“Sherlock?” Elena asked with a slight smile.
I couldn’t help but smile back. “Seemed fitting for creative problem-solving.”
Elena’s eyebrows lifted with appreciation. “Impressive.”
“I’ll let you finish checking in,” I stepped back from the counter. “Lou, I adjusted your prompt to be more specific about what kind of guest preferences you want analyzed. Try running it again.”
Lou nodded. “Perfect, thank you.”
I hesitated for a moment, then turned back to Elena. “Would you like to have dinner with Finn and me tonight? At the restaurant here? Nothing formal, just a chance for the three of us to get together in a relaxed setting to chat about expectations and methods for the next few weeks.”
“What an excellent idea,” Elena answered. “I’d like that very much. What time works?”