Chapter 44 #2
“Because right now, your identity is wrapped up in what you’ve lost. What you can’t do anymore,” she cut another piece of short rib, casual about dropping truth bombs.
“I want you to see what you still have. What you’re still capable of.
Sometimes we need external validation to believe our own competence. ”
I huffed in response.
“The flying lessons aren’t about getting you cleared to fly again,” Elena added. “They’re about reminding you that your knowledge, your skills, your ability to teach… none of that went away. Your body has limitations now, yes. But your expertise? That’s still intact.”
I swallowed hard.
“What about the PTSD episodes?” Alex asked quietly. “Like what happened two days ago?”
“We’ll work on identifying triggers and early warning signs.
Build better coping strategies for when you feel one coming.
” Elena looked between us. “The goal isn’t to make them never happen, that’s not realistic.
The goal is to make them less frequent, less intense, and give you both tools to manage them when they do occur. ”
“What kind of tools?” Alex asked.
“Grounding techniques, breathing exercises, ways to interrupt the panic spiral before it takes over.” Elena’s fork moved through her short ribs as she talked. “But also environmental strategies. Things that help regulate your nervous system before you hit crisis mode.”
I nodded, following along.
“Actually,” Elena looked at Alex, then back at me, “I noticed something interesting when you mentioned Maggie earlier. How she’s decided Alex belongs to her for now, but she switched to both of you. I assume that was after your episode?”
“It was,” I confirmed. Where was this going?
“Have you ever considered a service dog? Not just an emotional support animal, but a dog specifically trained to help manage PTSD symptoms.”
The question caught me off guard. “I… no. Haven’t really thought about it.”
“Service dogs can be trained to interrupt panic responses, provide tactile grounding during flashbacks, create physical barriers in crowded spaces, even wake you from nightmares.” She paused.
“The way you both responded to Maggie’s presence is exactly the kind of benefit a properly trained service dog could provide consistently. ”
Alex’s hand tightened slightly in mine. “Would that help?”
“For many veterans with PTSD, absolutely. The dog becomes an early warning system for emotional distress, which means you don’t have to maintain that constant hypervigilance,” Elena looked at me directly.
“They’re trained to sense when you’re heading toward a panic response and intervene before it escalates.
Give you something concrete to focus on, redirect your attention outward instead of spiraling inward. ”
“So the dog handles the monitoring I’m doing constantly anyway,” I swallowed at the idea of relief—of not having to constantly monitor.
“Exactly. And for TBI specifically,” Elena continued, “service dogs can help with balance issues, remind you to take medications, even alert you when you’re showing signs of fatigue or overstimulation before you recognize it yourself.”
“How would we go about doing something like that?” Alex leaned forward, resting her chin in her palm, her elbow on the table.
“The VA has programs for it,” Elena said. “Getting matched with a service dog, professional training for both of you. It’s a significant commitment, but for someone dealing with chronic PTSD and TBI, it can be life-changing.”
“Something to think about,” I said carefully, glancing at Alex.
“Exactly. Not a decision you need to make tonight.” She took a sip of wine. “But worth exploring during my time here. See how you function with and without that kind of support, talk through what it would actually look like in your daily life.”
We finished dinner with easier conversation—Elena asking more about more about the ranch, Alex explaining more about Catalyst’s AI development, me listening to them both while monitoring the slight ache at the base of my skull.
The check came and I asked the server to charge it to our rooms before Alex could say anything.
“Thank you both for this,” Elena smiled as we stood to leave. “It’s nice to see you in your actual life, Finn. Not just hearing about it over video calls.”
“Thanks for coming,” I meant it more than I expected to. “I guess I’ll see you first thing tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll send you the details,” Elena nodded. “Alex, it was lovely to talk more.”
“Likewise,” Alex smiled. “Thank you for putting me at ease.”
The evening air was cool as we walked back to our room—Alex’s hand in mine like it always was.
“That went well,” she said quietly.
“Better than I thought it would,” I squeezed her hand. “You were right about meeting her in a casual setting first.”
“I have my moments.”
“Your brilliant moments.”
Back in the room, we moved through our evening routine with practiced ease—Alex claiming the bathroom first while I turned down the bed, both of us changing and then brushing our teeth side-by-side.
“You’re thinking,” Alex observed, climbing into bed beside me.
“Always thinking.”
“I thought that was my job,” she teased.
I shifted to face her. “This whole thing…” my hand found hers under the covers. “Having her here observing everything feels...”
“More exposed?”
“More real,” I traced my thumb across her knuckles. “She’s gonna see exactly how I’m managing. Or not managing.”
Alex was quiet for a moment. “Is that scary?”
“Terrifying,” I admitted. “But also… maybe necessary. Can’t fix what I’m not willing to look at honestly.”
“You’ve been managing pretty well,” she said softly. “Better than you give yourself credit for.”
“I had a full PTSD breakdown, darlin’. Hurt you in the process.” The words came out rougher than I meant them to. “That’s not managing well.”
“But you’re doing what you need to come back from it,” she squeezed my hand. “That’s managing. Not perfectly, but honestly.”
I pulled her closer, needing the contact. “What if she watches me teach you and decides I’m not ready? That I’m making bad calls, pushing too hard?”
“Then she’ll tell you. And we’ll adjust,” Alex moved her leg between mine. “But Finn, you’ve been teaching me to fly for weeks now. You’ve been brilliant at it. Patient, careful, making sure I understand every system before we take off. That doesn’t just disappear because someone’s watching.”
“Feels different when it’s being assessed.”
“I know,” she pressed a kiss to my jaw. “But maybe that’s the point. Elena said she wants to see what you’re still capable of, right? And you teaching me… that’s you at your best. Your expertise, your competence, all of that is still there.”
“The service dog. What do you think about that?”
Alex shifted so she could see my face better. “I think if it helps, it’s worth exploring. The way Maggie grounds both of us… having that consistently could make a real difference.”
I pulled her fully against me, her head tucking under my chin. “You’d be okay with it? Having a service dog around all the time?”
“Sweetheart, I’d get ten service dogs if it meant you felt more stable and safe,” she huffed a quiet laugh. “Though one probably makes more sense logistically.”
“Probably.”
We lay there in the darkness, her breathing evening out against my chest.
“I love you,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
“I love you. Partners.”
“Partners.”
Whatever Elena’s assessment brought, whatever she discovered about how I was really doing, at least I wouldn’t be facing it alone.