Chapter 6 Charisma
CJ was afraid of Chaos at first, but I reassured him on the ride over that he was safe, kind, and he could trust him.
Once we were back at the apartment, while Chaos cooked dinner, I taught him a few basic movements, handshapes, and facial expressions that he could use to communicate with CJ.
I know that this is a lot for Chaos to take in—running into me, learning that he has a kid, and learning that his kid is deaf.
He has every right to be angry about missing out on the first four years of our son’s life, but he cannot blame me for it all. All evening, he has had so many questions about CJ, and I have tried to answer everything that I can and allowed CJ to answer other things, translating his words for Chaos.
I was hesitant about telling CJ who he is, but although he’s still developing the skill, he can lip read. I was concerned that he might pick up on something Chaos said and figure out who Chaos was to him.
Over dinner, I casually brought the subject up and explained to him who Chaos was. He had often asked where his father was since he was three. I would explain to him that his father had to go away to do some work.
When he turned four several months ago, he blew my mind when he asked if his dad was in jail. He told me that a little girl at his academy said that’s what it meant when mommies said their daddies had to go away for work.
I told him that nothing could be further from the truth, although I was unsure myself. Instead, I told him that his father did dangerous work, and he had to protect us from it.
When I explained to him over dinner that Chaos was his father, a broad smile spread over his little chubby, caramel-colored cheeks. He looks exactly like Chaos.
In an act that surprised Chaos but not me, CJ jumped out of his chair, rounded the table, and threw his arms around him. I tried to bite back a grin because Chaos didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to influence his attitude toward CJ in any way, so I sat back and watched.
Eventually, Chaos lifted his arms and wrapped them around my little guy and pressed his cheek against the top of CJ’s head. I could see him inhaling his scent, as if he were memorizing it, and then he rubbed his back.
The moment that he appeared to be getting emotional, he jumped up and headed to the kitchen with our dishes. When I asked if I could help, he barked at me that I could give CJ a bath and pointed me to where I could find the towels and washcloths.
That had been almost an hour ago. After I made sure CJ thoroughly cleansed himself because he hated baths, I put him to bed in the guestroom and signed him a story from my phone.
I try to listen closely now to hear where Chaos is, but I don’t hear a thing. He may have left for all I know. The loft apartment is mostly silent other than the air conditioning unit and the white noise.
Just as I finish tying the knot, I hear the master bedroom door open.
Although it’s a loft apartment, the guest bedroom is an open space downstairs that is closed off by a partition. The master bedroom is separated from the rest of the space by a mezzanine level, yet it still manages to have a locked door on it.
I didn’t lock the door when I came in here, because I knew it would draw suspicion, which is the last thing that I wanted. He sent me up here earlier after I put CJ to bed, telling me that I could come up here and relax.
I shove the sheets underneath the bed, but not quick enough. He stomps toward me in those hard, black, rugged biker boots.
“What are you doing?” he asks in a gruff tone.
“Nothing.”
“Why are you sitting on the floor?”
“Just down here stretching my legs and thinking is all. Practicing a few yoga moves to help me unwind,” I lie, tucking my left leg in and unfolding my right leg as though I were stretching.
Chaos moves so quickly that I have no time to react. He jerks my body forward, pinning my upper half against my legs and reaches behind me. He pulls the length of sheets that I stuffed underneath the bed out from under it.
“What’s this?” he asks in a gruff tone, jerking me to my feet as he jumps to his.
“Nothing.”
He snatches me by the arm and jerks my body against his.
I plant my hands on his chest, and we stare into each other’s eyes for a long time.
His breathing is just as heavy as mine is, and I wonder if he is recalling everything that he loved about me the way that I’m recalling all the things that I loved about him.
I press up on my toes as if I’m going to kiss him. The air around me grows cold when he leans toward my ear and whispers, “What I tell you ’bout trying to play me, Charisma? You thought I was fucking playing with you?”
“No.” I shudder with the way that he grips the neckline of my sundress in his hand and lifts me clear off my feet.
“What the fuck is these tied bedsheets for, huh?”
“Nothing. I was just bored.”
“What did I tell you about lying to me?”
“You think you run me, Chaos, and you don’t. Not anymore.” I sob.
He sneers and runs his fingers over my lips.
“I still run you—and I still fucking own you. Whoever this nigga is that’s got you running wild on a string without any protection and thinking you can talk fly, he’s about to get fucked up playing with what’s mine and treating you like a toy.
You must have forgotten who you belong to. ”
“You don’t own me!” I hiss, snatching away.
He grabs my arm again and pulls me away from the wall and drags me toward the steps.
“What are you doing?”
“You want to get out? Ya ass ain’t gotta escape.”
“Let me go! I can walk!” I shout, jerking to free myself.
Chaos is too strong for me, and he damn near drags me down the stairs.
We’re shouting at one another, and on one hand, I’m glad that my son cannot hear the noise, but on the other, I wished that he could help me. He can feel the vibrations of movement and shouting, but I also know that he’s a hard sleeper.
I immediately douse those thoughts because I will never put him in a dangerous situation. I know that Chaos won’t do anything to him, but I never want him to have to choose between us.
Chaos drags me to the front door and opens it.
“Chaos, stop! What are you doing?” I scream.
He shoves me out of the door. “Get gone! You wanna go? Get the fuck outta here!”
“Wait! My baby!” I scream as he closes and locks the door on me.
Standing in the large foyer just on the other side of the elevator, I feel so alone. I shout and bang on the door, kicking and screaming. I pray that CJ can feel the vibrations and will wake up looking for me.
The harder I kick and scream, the more it seems that Chaos ignores me.
“Please let me in!” I sob. I cry so hard and bang repeatedly until snot is running down my nose, and my tears intermingle with it.
“Puleeez!” I cry, dropping to my knees and banging my fists against the door.
I have no idea how much time passes, but he finally opens the door and sneers down at me.
“The fuck you want?”
“I want to come in, please. My baby’s in there. You can’t keep me away from him, Chaos.”
“You mean the way you kept me away?”
“I didn’t.” I sob.
“When you walk back in this door, you better act like somebody with some sense. Your ass had better remember who owns you,” he announces as I step inside.
“You don’t own me, Chaos.” I’m still sobbing and can’t seem to stop.
“That’s not what you told me once before.”
“That was before!” I shout hysterically.
“Before what? You decided that you didn’t love me? That you didn’t mean a word you promised me?”
“Before your ass walked out on me without a goodbye or an explanation!”
He pulls me against him again, and a shiver runs down my spine. My pussy clenches at the proximity of his body against mine, and I can’t help the arch in my spine. God, I hate how weak I am for him, how my body betrays me, and how I don’t mind being a fool for him.
“That’s what I thought. You miss this dick as much as it misses you.”
“I’ve got a man,” I whimper.
“What’s ya man got to do with me?”
“We’re getting married.”
I feel him tense against me. His hold around my waist tightens, and his voice is tense. “Where’s your ring?”
“Getting it resized.”
He snatches me off the floor and runs up the stairs with me, shouting at me at the same time.
It isn’t lost on me, for the second time, how light-footed he is, despite his size.
He moves with a stealth that has grown over the years.
It’s easy to understand how CJ could easily miss his father’s angry energy.
“Why’re you lying to me, Charisma? I told you I don’t like that shit!”
“I’m not lying.” I lie again as he lowers my feet to the floor while closing the bedroom door.
He has a thing about liars, and he always has.
I never did that to him in the past, because I knew how much he hated it.
His father always lied—about his whereabouts, who he was with, when he would return, and on and on.
It didn’t matter what it was about; if it was a lie, his father was eager to tell it.
Now, I hate Chrishon. So I don’t mind lying, and I don’t care how he punishes me, as long as he doesn’t separate CJ and me.
“Anytime you get that little hitch in your voice, I know you’re lying, and I told you I’ve got something for that. You’re gonna quit fucking playing with me. On your knees, Charisma.”
“B-b-but,” I sputter.
“Yeah, I’ma get in that butt too, but right now, your knees will do,” he barks, pushing hard on my shoulder until I sink to my knees.
He traces his fingers over my lips and unzips his pants. I open my mouth and suck his finger, feeling a strong pulsing in between my thighs. God, it’s been so long.
“I want to see what those lips do, Charisma. I wanna see if they still hold the same power they always did.”
“I don’t know where that’s been.”
“You know it ain’t never took nothing raw, except for you.”
“It’s been five years.”
“Ain’t nothing changed.”
His voice is raw and husky, filled with need. I should let him punish me some other way for refusing him, but I don’t. I know that he isn’t lying to me, because he doesn’t do that. It’s shameful of me, but I want him, and I want to do everything to him that he wants me to do.
He slides his big, veined dick over my lips, and I stupidly do what I’ve always done.
I take him to the back of my throat, and I suck him as if my life depends on it.
I suck and suck until he explodes in my mouth with a swivel of his hips and his hand tightening in my hair until my head hurts.
I continue sucking the rest of his cum down until his balls are smacking against my chin, and his pelvis is sealed against my mouth.
He lifts me, tosses me on the bed, and he spreads my legs. “Who’s been in my pussy?” he asks.
“Nothing raw,” I quip, using his line on him.
Chaos clamps his mouth over my mound and eats like he’s been starving for years.
If I know Chaos, he probably hasn’t given anyone oral since we were together.
I remember when we were an off-and-on thing how he used to mess around with the sweetbutts.
I heard him bragging to his friends, when I was visiting Chrishanna, what they would do for him and to him, but he would never give them oral or screw them raw.
Though it feels good now, I know that later, I’ll lie in this bed beside him, wondering what the hell just happened.