Chapter 14 Charisma
ONE WEEK LATER
I stare into the mirror again, not sure who the stranger is peering back at me. I’ve probably looked in the mirror a thousand times over the last week since my makeover, and I still haven’t become accustomed to the siren who peers back at me each time.
Torch wasn’t playing when she said that she would make me into a new woman.
Not only did she do my hair, but she did my makeup and taught me how to change my looks, including my eye and cheek structure with makeup.
After cutting my long, brown hair into a pixie cut, she dyed it a deep, cherry red.
She taught me how to apply eyelashes and accentuate my already full lips.
I turn away from the mirror and head downstairs to cook dinner. I’ve spent most of the day napping because it’s been storming all day, and I’ve been bored and all alone. Chaos left early this morning, and I haven’t heard from him since.
It’s a little after six now, and I’m hoping that I can finish cooking before he returns.
Hopefully he will be in the mood to talk, since he hasn’t been very talkative since I opened up to him last week.
Giving him my body and my heart was a mistake that I couldn’t afford.
If Ben ever finds out, that will be the end of us.
I don’t see a future with Chaos, no matter how I feel about him, and no matter our history together.
The MC is his family, and there’s no room for anyone else.
Ever since then, he’s been distant and shunning me every chance he gets.
He spends more time away from the apartment than he does at it.
I’ve been begging for him to take me with him, but he refuses to, saying that he’s got work to do.
Even when I suggested that he leave me at the clubhouse with the other ladies, he said that wouldn’t work, because they’re not always there.
I found that I really enjoyed talking with Torch, Kyte, Ember, Bell, and Juicy. They are so down-to-earth and hilarious. They welcomed me and made me feel like I’ve known them all my life. Talking with them almost felt like talking with Chrishanna.
I have just pulled a chicken and rice casserole from the oven when I hear the beeping of the keypad that unlocks the apartment. There is a code to get in and out, and I haven’t been successful enough to figure it out.
Chaos inputs the code into an app on his phone that is linked to the building’s security system. Therefore, I haven’t had any luck in seeing what the code is.
I set the casserole dish on the counter and rush to the door.
“Any luck finding out who’s behind Emmanuel’s assault?” I ask Chaos the minute that he walks through the door.
He has allowed me to move around the apartment more freely now, but I haven’t been interested in making a grand escape anyway.
Knowing that someone is after me and that my child is out of town somewhere that I have no idea where, makes me want to be in one central location where Chaos can find me if necessary.
He eyes me closely as he steps through the door and then shakes his head. He locks the door before he moves past me dismissively, and he appears annoyed.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Uhm, I made us some dinner.”
“Mm.”
He heads upstairs, and I remain at the bottom listening, to figure out what he’s doing. His boots thump against the floor one at a time before I hear him moving around. The bathroom door closes, and after several minutes, I assume he’s taking a shower.
I glance back at the meal that I’ve prepared for us and then the stairwell. I’m not sure if I should wait for him to eat or eat alone. Then again, I’m not hungry right now, so I head up the stairs to the bathroom.
As I assumed, he is taking a shower, and the bathroom is steamed up. I quickly slip out of my T-shirt dress and panties and grab the chrome handle to pull the shower door aside. He doesn’t turn around or even acknowledge my presence when I slip inside with him.
His eyes are closed, and with one hand, he’s massaging his dick. I press my hands against his wet back, and he tenses underneath my touch, but I don’t move.
I remain where I am and gently massage his back muscles. The sight of him masturbating turns me on. His veined, tattooed hands slowly stroke his rigid, thick dick. I lick my lips as I drag my fingers over the swell of my breasts.
My nipples are hard, and my core aches, wanting him to fill me up. More than anything, I want to taste him again. I want him to hit the back of my throat as he fucks my face. I want to be on my knees in front of him while he grabs my hair and slams his hips against my mouth.
I bide my time because more than anything, I want Chaos to open up to me again and let me in. I don’t like feeling like I’m the enemy, and the way that he’s shoved me out over this last week feels exactly like that.
He never told me why he left all those years ago, and I have no idea what I did to piss him off so badly that he acts like he can’t stand me now.
He can’t continue using the excuse that I had his kid without telling him.
Should I have gone to Priest to make him aware?
Yeah, but I didn’t think that he deserved it, not when he couldn’t even tell me goodbye.
Besides, I didn’t know Priest like that. I had only met him a few times.
The night that he left, he visited his mother and his twin.
He told them he was about to dip out of town for a while, but he didn’t tell them that he was leaving the country.
He also didn’t tell them that he would be gone for five years, but worse than that, he never reached out to me.
I didn’t get a visit, a phone call, a text message, a letter, or even a DM.
I am the one who has every right to be angry, not him. Yet, here I am, standing in his shower, watching him stroke his dick with his back to me.
He turns around and rests his back against the shower wall.
He slides his hand down his shaft and pulls his balls with his other hand.
He does it repeatedly, and his dick seems to grow increasingly angry to the point of weeping.
The water raining down from the shower head behind him does little to hide the precum that beads the tip of his dick.
As he tilts his head back, he looks so damn delicious with the water streaming over his head. His smooth mahogany skin glistens with moisture, and I want to lick every part of him.
“You don’t have to do that alone.”
My voice comes out like a tiny plea, but it doesn’t break his concentration. Jealousy fills me as I wonder who he’s thinking about while he’s masturbating. I hope it isn’t one of those bitches from the clubhouse. What do they call them? Sweetbutts?
I’m willing to bet there’s nothing sweet about their asses at all. I guess I would rather it be one of them than some other woman, a woman who might be worth falling in love with.
I don’t bother to say another word; instead, I drop to my knees. I remove his hands and take him into mine. My strokes are slow and hard, and I use my free hand to massage his balls before I finally slide him between my lips.
“Aww, yeah,” he grumbles, resting his hand on my head. Slowly, he rocks back and forth until his pace picks up. The intensity with which he bucks into me increases, and the pace grows faster.
I regulate my breathing because this one thing I can do very well—suck dick. When he first taught me how to do it all those years ago, he was amazed that I had no gag reflex.
I take him all the way back, and I close my eyes, loving how he expands the further back in my throat he goes. He’s smooth but rigid everywhere a vein lies. The salty, musky taste of him satiates an exotic desire deep within me.
“Ohh, Charisma.” He groans and repeats my name as his hands tighten around my head. “You know just what I need.”
He rocks his hips forward again, and then he pulls back and out. My eyes fly open as I look up into his face. I can’t read his expression, because it’s hardened but impassive.
Chaos reaches down and lifts me into his arms and pins me against the shower wall in one swoop. He spreads my legs and rasps, “Gimme my pussy, Charisma. I ain’t playin’ either. You betta throw this shit at me like you a gahdamn pitcher on a mound.”
“I’ve got you, baby.” I wrap my legs around his waist and slide smoothly down his shaft. “Ohh, Chaos.”
“I’ma knock this bitch outta the park,” he declares as he thrusts hard up into me.
I clench all around him, and he shifts up so hard that it knocks the breath out of my lungs. I cannot move, because he has me impaled against the shower wall, and he propels himself into me with all his might.
He wraps one hand around my thigh, and I know that he’ll leave marks there as his fingers press deep into my flesh. His other hand goes around my neck, and he squeezes. He bares his teeth, and his head tilts to the side as he glares at me through a slitted gaze.
“Gimme that pussy, Charisma. You fucking teasing me right now, and I told you that I need you to throw this bitch.”
“I ca-ca-can’t move,” I gasp, barely able to speak through the grip he has around my neck.
“I’ma move this pussy like I’m moving mountains. Tell me you can’t give me my shit the way I want you to.”
He thrusts inside of me so hard that I feel like I’m about to break in half, but as rough as he is, it feels so damn good. This feels like what I’ve been needing all along.
When I cum a few minutes later, he’s nowhere near done with me. Chaos pulls out of me, and he lowers me to my feet. He spins me around and smacks my ass. “Hold your ankles,” he orders.
I do as he says, and he pulls my ass cheeks apart. When he rocks into me from behind, I can tell that it’s only a matter of time before he loses it. He slams into me repeatedly, causing me to slam my head against the shower wall.
“Damn, Chaos!”
“Shut that shit up and give me my gahdamn pussy, woman! I ain’t gon’ tell ya ass again.”
I place one of my hands against the shower wall to protect my brains from getting rammed out of my head, because this nigga has lost his damn mind. He slams into me so hard that I feel like I’m about to split. What the hell is wrong with him, and why did he come home with so much aggression?
He pulls out a couple of minutes later and spills his seed all over my back. When he’s finished, he helps me stand, but he’s unusually quiet.
“You good?” I ask.
“Not in the mood to talk, Charisma.”
“Fine. Don’t.”
I grab his washcloth and pour some shower gel on it. I wash his body, and he doesn’t protest. I wish I knew what was going on inside of his head. When I finish washing him, he steps out of the shower, and I remain alone, washing myself.
I feel horrible because I thought we were starting to reconnect. After having sex with him again and sharing details of my personal life, he didn’t reciprocate. He has become distant, and he has shut me out like he did all those years ago. It was a huge mistake trying to reconnect with him again.
I don’t know why I’m such a fool for him when I have held other men at different standards.
Maybe because he was the one who I gave my virginity to.
Maybe because Chaos is the only man with whom I have ever been intimately involved with.
The only one who hurt me in the end, and yet, here I am, repeating history.
I should just leave, but I want CJ to have a bond with his father.
I also need Chaos’s help finding out what happened, and I want to see what his life is like now before I make a final determination about how deeply he can become involved in CJ’s life.
I’ve seen a little but not a lot, especially since he’s returned to the States only recently.
My mama always said you might as well use men for their money in exchange for your body because once you give them your heart, they will make a fool out of you. Chaos is only proving her point, goddamn him.
I thought that the night he didn’t show up when I had to tell him that I was pregnant was the worst he could hurt me, but then he disappeared for five years.
Even that is nothing compared with how badly my heart is hurting right now.
All that pales in comparison to this. I sink to the floor of the shower wall and let the tears fall.