Chapter 16 Charisma
“How did you and the senator meet?” Chaos asks when we’re almost finished cleaning the kitchen after dinner.
“Oh, uhm, . . . we met in a coffee shop. I was embarrassed. Made a whole fool out of myself. I was in the coffee shop, and when I turned around from the counter with my coffee, I didn’t realize that he was so close.
I bumped into him and spilled it on his suit, the quintessential meet cute, if you will, .
. . never mind,” I state, not bothering to explain because of the scowl on Chaos’s face.
I hand him a damp, mildly soapy dishcloth to clean the stove as I return to rinsing the last dish to go into the dishwasher.
“Anyway, I uhm, . . . immediately snapped on him, calling him an idiot for standing so close to me, asking what he was thinking. Then I looked up, realized who it was, started babbling my apologies, that I was sorry, and I don’t normally act like this, I was having a bad morning, how can I make it up to him, can I pay for his cleaning, and on and on.
“Meanwhile, he’s standing there with this smile on his face, and he’s so polite and patient. He tells me that it’s okay, really. He goes on to order his coffee, and I’m standing there looking dumbfounded. After a while, I head out of the shop.
“When I get halfway down the block, he comes out and catches up with me. He says that he knows how I can make it up to him. I think he’s about to tell me that I can vote for him, or get some signatures, or something political, but no. He asks me to go out on a coffee date with him.
“I couldn’t believe it, but after convincing me that he was serious, I agreed. I knew his story, and I knew that he didn’t date, so it was just a good thing for me because I didn’t have to worry about him being a cheater like most guys,” I explain, giggling and cleaning out the sink.
I can tell that my giggles annoy him by the grunt he emits and the dark scowl on his face.
So, I change the subject, not wanting to discuss it anymore.
I was going to ask why he wanted to know that information, but I suspected it might lead to an argument.
I didn’t want to isolate him any more than I already had.
“You never told me where you were all these years or what you were doing. You always just say out of the country.”
He sighs, and I hold my breath, hoping that he’ll finally open up.
“I was in Bangladesh, living my best life and still handling MC business, but from that end of things. Keeping the money flowing.”
“What business? What money?” I ask as we finish cleaning the kitchen and head into the living room.
“You don’t need to worry about that.”
“Drugs?”
“Nah. I never got into that shit. You know that.”
“Guns? You were always into guns.” Seeing the wince on his face, I decide to press him. “Don’t lie to me, Chrishon. Was it guns?”
“Uhm, . . . yeah.”
“You were what? Selling them?”
“Negotiating deals, making sure it went right, and being the go-between for the MC and the men who were buying them over there.”
“What else?”
“Nothing else. That’s it. Just enjoying the culture, the food, . . . and the life.”
“And the women, I’m sure.”
He bobs his head, and a streak of jealousy flows through me.
“If you’re asking if I remained abstinent the past five years, the answer is no.”
“Why did you leave me?”
He sighs and relaxes further back on the couch with a grunt.
“It wasn’t about you. Some trouble arose, and I had to get out of dodge for a while.”
“What sort of trouble?”
“You remember that old saying that curiosity killed the cat? Don’t be poking your nose in everything, girl. It’s not good for you. You ain’t got nine lives.”
I pull my legs up on the couch and turn sideways to face him. Resting my arm on the back of the couch, I prop my head into my palm and stare at him. I decide to let my guard down just a little, hoping that he will do the same.
“No. I just care, that’s all. I missed you, Chaos.
I loved you, and I was heartbroken. It wasn’t easy doing all this without you.
In my heart, I knew you would have been a good father to CJ.
You would have taken great care of him, helped me navigate his healthcare, and been a wonderful advocate for him. ”
Chaos leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees.
He clasps his hands together, and it’s almost like he’s gone into another world.
His back is to me, and when I reach out to touch it, he doesn’t respond.
He’s silent for so long that I can feel him shutting me out again.
When he speaks, it’s not the fact that he’s talking again that catches me by surprise; it’s his explanation that he gives that steals the breath from my lungs.
A simple misunderstanding and miscommunication have kept the man that I love away from me for five years, has kept him out of our son’s life.
“I had a job to do that night, and shit went wrong.
Someone got killed. Anyway, I uhm, . . .
knew I fucked up when it happened. I had nowhere else to turn.
I was supposed to be meeting with you anyway, so I ran to you to get my head straight before I hit Priest up.
It was a difficult decision, coming to you, because I knew you would be disappointed.
You wanted me to leave this life anyway, but I had nowhere else to turn.
“I saw you with your ex that night. I figured you were fed up with me since you had been riding my ass about leaving the street life and the MC. We had so many arguments about it, and I told you that I wasn’t doing that, because they were the ones who saved me when my old man died.
You were always threatening to leave me, if I didn’t leave them.
“You said you were tired of me choosing them over you. We argued about it the night before. So, when I saw you two together that night at your place, I figured you chose him. I thought that was what you wanted to meet with me for, to break up with me. I get it. You always did go for the clean-cut types, and that’s who Darrel was. I guess you got your wish after all.”
His voice is thick with emotion, but he still has his back to me. I don’t care. I move behind him on the couch, and I wrap my arms and legs around him, and I press my face against his back.
“Chrishon, nothing could be further from the truth. Why would I be creeping with my ex, when I knew that you were supposed to be there later that night? I had planned to tell you that I was pregnant. I was scared, but I was so excited because I knew you were going to be a wonderful father, and we would raise our kid together. I thought that CJ would be enough to make you quit the MC, but then you just disappeared.”
His back tightens, and he sits up, forcing me to release him.
“From where I sat, you’d made your choice.
I had been telling you to tell your ex to kick mud for a minute, and the fact that he was still coming around, I figured you had made your choice.
I had beat that nigga’s ass, and he still came around.
Yeah, I was done with it. You made your choice, Charisma. ”
“I did, . . . you. I always chose you, Chaos. You meant the world to me. All I ever wanted was to make you happy because you were so special. I loved you with all my heart.”
“Then why was he there that night?”
“He was coming to tell me about a job offer that aligned with my goals.”
“What job?” The doubt in his voice is evident.
“The one that I still have. My podcast is in the top twenty in the country for its genre.”
He nods and replies, “That’s wassup.”
“I only did as well as I did because you always poured into me. You taught me to believe in myself, Chaos, when I didn’t know how. You believed in me and made me feel special. You showed me that I had so much more to offer the world than just my body.
“It didn’t matter what my mother said; you showed me how smart and talented that I was. I wouldn’t be doing any of this without you. You saw the real me, and for that, I say thank you. No matter what you chose to do in life, you have always been a gift to this world because of who you truly are.”
“Then maybe it was best I went away. Doubt you would’ve accomplished all that if I’d still been around, no matter what I said to you.”
“Why would you say something like that?”
“Come on, Charisma. We both know that I was always destined to follow in my father’s footsteps. I’m rapidly approaching the age my father was when he was killed.”
“That doesn’t have to be your legacy. You can create a new one for yourself and CJ.
You are a powerful, beautiful man who has so much to offer so many people.
The anger, the bitterness, and the rage that was inside of you was nothing more than the pain you held inside from losing your daddy.
You weren’t that person before. I know that the beautiful boy I met still exists.
You know how I know? Because I see him in our son.
He’s the epitome of you. You gave me the best gift in the world, Chaos. ”
I can see the softening in his eyes as he turns to look at me. I straddle him and loop my arms around his neck. “Don’t you see, baby? We could have had a life together. It was all about communication. You misunderstood what was going on with me.”
“Because you wanted me to change who I was.”
“Not change who you were. Just be cognizant of your choices so that I wouldn’t lose you.”
He brushes his nose against mine and then his lips against mine. Our kiss is soft and gentle, but quickly turns heated, demanding, and even painful as he removes my top. His hands brush against my back, unhooking my bra and throwing it to the side.
Chaos moves his hands to the front of my body to palm my breasts, and I reach between us to free him from his jeans. We don’t bother removing anything else or talking. We connect in the one way that was always good for us both.
His length stretches me and fills me up in a way that steals every breath, every sound, every thought that I can hold.
His hands wrap around my waist and squeezes. “You feel me, ma?”
“Mm-hmm,” I moan, biting my bottom lip.
“Need you to really feel me,” he grunts, lifting me and slamming me back on his length.
His eyes roll back, and then he closes them.
When he opens them again, there’s a determination I didn’t see before as he shifts down the couch just a little and then pumps hard and fast. I spread around him, taking the fullness of him in.
I can barely breathe or think. Tears roll down my face, and his hands gradually rise to wipe them away.
“All that fucking crying you always doing. Ya ass is the cryingest woman I know during sex. I’m about to give ya ass a reason to cry.”
“Whhyyy?” I cry as he strokes me in deep circles.
“’Cause you held this pussy out on me for all these years.”
“Not my fault.” I whine as he pulls out and spins me around to face the couch. He spreads my legs wide and then spreads my ass cheeks. He slips inside of me and pummels me like he’s trying to push my uterus out of my throat.
“Chaoooosss!” I scream.
“Cry my ass a river. Ain’t nobody gon’ hear you scream. I’m making up for the last five years. Now gimme this pussy like I shaped and molded this muthafucka.”
I toss it back to him, still crying the entire time. His hand on my ass cheeks sting with every smack he gives it.
“Ohhh, Chaos.”
“Don’t be owing me shit. Just take this dick like you own this muthafucka. Take it like it’s growing outcha pussy.”
The room fills with the sounds of his nuts smacking against me and the sound of our slick-sweat bodies slapping together. When I finally cum, he’s only a few seconds after me.
“Aww, baby. That’s what I’m talking ’bout.”
“Thank you,” I manage to whisper as I collapse with my face on the couch seat. He pulls me up, pulls out of me, and carries me upstairs.
“I’m tired, Chaos.”
“I know. Let me clean you up first, and then I’ll put you to bed.”
That sounds like the best plan I have heard in a long while.