Bianca Chapter 6 #3
Confusion hit me. He wanted to talk about us being friends? My furrowed forehead must’ve told him I was confused. Suddenly, he was on his feet. He paced across to the window, then back. I watched him. After a couple of circuits, he halted and faced me.
“This is harder than I imagined. I had a whole speech in my head, and it’s gone.” Chaos muttered.
“Why not forget about speeches and just say whatever it is you want to say? It doesn’t have to be fancy or even in order. Sometimes, that’s the best way,” I encouraged him.
I was interested in hearing what he wanted to tell me. Admittedly, being his friend wasn’t what I desired when it came to him, but it was the only realistic option I had. Chaos returned to the sofa and took his seat again. He stared me straight in the eyes.
“I want to ask you a few questions. One of them is: how do you see me?”
His question startled me. I wasn’t sure what he meant by it.
“How do I see you? In what way?” I stalled.
“As a person and as a man.”
I gulped, finding my mouth dry, so I picked up my wine and took a large sip. I held the glass when I was done.
“I think from the little that I’ve seen, you’re a great club brother.
It’s clear that Mishap looks up to you, and you support your brotherhood.
I love that about the MC lifestyle. Even if you’re not blood, you form a loyal and close-knit family.
You seem willing to put yourself out there, even when you don’t have to.
I’m Mishap’s family, not yours, yet you and the club stepped in that night I was drugged.
I believe that reveals your kindness. I haven’t really gotten to know you enough to form other opinions about you. ”
“Fair. Shall I tell you how I see you?” Chaos asked.
Without thinking, I said, “Will I cry?”
He scowled. “I don’t see why you would. There’s nothing awful about you. In our short acquaintance, I see you as strong, loyal, kind, protective, and willing to put yourself at risk for others. Sometimes, the last one is to your detriment. You act as if you don’t need to be protected, but you do.”
His words made my face flush.
“Thank you, but despite what my cousin thinks or says, I’m capable of taking care of myself. He feels overprotective of me. He thinks I haven’t healed from my divorce. I have.” I defended myself.
“Mishap mentioned you got a divorce recently, and that was partly why you moved here. I’m not prying, but I think if your ex let you get away, he was a fool.”
His compliment made my cheeks turn redder.
“Stop, you’re making me blush,” I muttered.
“I like to see you blush,” he said, his tone deeper.
I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet. Chaos kept speaking.
“In addition to what I already told you, I see you in other ways. I find you extremely attractive, both physically and sexually. You’re gorgeous from head to toe. Any guy would be crazy not to want you. I’m very drawn to you.”
Chaos paused. I held my breath. Disappointment was back.
He was about to ask if we could be friends with benefits.
I knew how bikers lived. My cousin hadn’t told me everything, but I read between the lines, and I watched television and read books.
Part of the appeal of the lifestyle was being free, without anything or anyone chaining you down.
God, how I wished I could be carefree like that. If I could, I’d say yes in a heartbeat.
“Chaos, before you go any further, I have to say this. I’m sorry.
You are a very handsome and sexy man. And if I were a different sort of woman, I would gladly say yes to us hooking up.
But I’m not. I’ve never been someone who can have casual, meaningless sex with someone.
And I know what it’s like for you guys at the clubhouse.
You have women like that surrounding you all the time. I can’t be one of them.”
I set the glass down and stood. It was time for him to leave. Chaos came to his feet. But he didn’t step away or walk to the door. He reached out and latched onto my upper arms. His grip wasn’t painful, but it was firm. He drew me closer to him as his gaze bored into mine.
“Chaos, don’t,” I warned.
“I’m not done talking. Let me finish. I’m not here to ask you to hook up. You’re right, if that’s what I want, I have plenty of women to choose from.”
His words upset me, so I interrupted before he could continue.
“Then why the hell are you here? What do you want? A female bestie?” I snapped. I tried to jerk free of his hands, but he held me there.
“No, I’m not here looking for a bestie, although if that were to come to pass, I wouldn’t mind it.
I came to ask if you find me sexually attractive.
If you do, I feel the same way about you.
Yet, there’s more there, Bianca. I can’t stop thinking about you.
I want to get to know you better, and it isn’t just physical.
“For the first time in my adult life, I want a woman who is more than a fuck and then done. Or even a few and then over. I want to see if you could be more. Do you know what an old lady is?”
Astonishment hit me. All I could do was nod yes to the old lady question. Chaos went on to explain anyway.
“An old lady is a biker’s wife, even if they’re not officially married.
She is his alone. And if you’re like my club and those we’re friends with, an old lady is sacred.
You don’t claim one without serious consideration, without love.
You don’t cheat on her either. You protect your old lady and, if you have children, them with everything you have.
“I haven’t thought about claiming anyone because no woman has made me want to know her for more than sex.
Or I hadn’t. I’ve seen what having the right woman in your life has done for countless friends: Wrath, Rage, and Shadow.
I admit, I’d begun to wonder before you came along what it would be like to have someone like that in my life.
But I wasn’t willing to offer that to just anyone.
What I’m trying to say is, I’d like to see if you’re that woman, and if I can be the man you rely on, love, and give your total loyalty to.
And the only way to find out is to spend time together. Bianca, will you let me date you?”
I stood there, again with my mouth hanging open, my heart in my throat and my legs feeling weak.
I had to be dreaming, hallucinating. There was no way Chaos had just said all those things.
He didn’t mean that he wanted me as his whatever you called someone who wasn’t your old lady in the biker world. Had he?