Chapter 3
HAWK
“Come on, Eagle,” I say for what seems like the hundredth time. “Please. Please.”
I’m answered only by the relentless hum of the machines hooked onto my little brother.
My fault.
My fault.
My fault.
I hear the words from the humming of the machines.
I should have answered the phone. The door.
I should have been there.
And now…
Now Eagle might die.
“Don’t you dare,” I say to him. “Don’t you dare fucking die.”
I close my eyes to pray, to beg, to do anything, but instead, a memory floods my mind.
The last time Eagle relapsed.
The last time I took him to rehab.
He fought me tooth and nail. Even tried to punch me.
* * *
A year earlier…
“Fuck off, Hawk,” he says. “You’re not my goddamned keeper.”
Lines of coke still sit on Eagle’s coffee table.
I swipe them off, and they scatter in powdery clouds. “You’re right. I’m not just your keeper. I’m your big brother too.”
“Bullshit.” His eyes are bloodshot. His movements jittery. “Look at you, living your high and mighty life, thinking you can dictate mine.”
“You’re self-destructing, Eagle!” I grab him by the shoulders. “You think you’re invincible. You think this shit can’t touch you. But it can. It is.”
He glares at me, his usually bright eyes dulled by the haze of drugs. “You’re one to talk. Always the shining example, right, Hawk?”
“It’s not about being an example. It’s about saving your life.”
He wrestles out of my grasp, turning away from me. “And what if I don’t want to be saved?”
The question hits me like a punch to the gut. I swallow hard, my resolve wavering.
“Then you’re a fool.” I match his glare with one of my own.
He struts forward, oddly balanced and confident despite his high. “Fuck off.” He raises his fist, launches it at me.
I easily deflect.
I grab his wrist, twist, and flip him onto the couch. He groans, tries to get up, but I press him down.
“This is for your own good, Eagle. You’re going to rehab whether you like it or not.”
“I don’t need any help.” He tries to wriggle from my grip.
But I hold him down, my heart pounding. “You’re wrong. You need help. You need help, and I’m going to make sure you get it.”
“Or what? You’re going to drag me to rehab? That place is a fucking joke.”
“Yeah, because doing what you’re doing is so much better, right?” My tone is bitter. “You know where this will get you, E? In an early grave. And I’ll be damned if I let you destroy yourself without a fight.”
“It’s not your call.”
“The hell it’s not. What the fuck do you think this will do to Mom? One of her sons is already doing time for you. Raven is battling leukemia. What the hell will happen if you die, Eagle? What do you think that will do to her?”
“I don’t care. I don’t care about any of you.”
I pull him off the couch, make him stand before me.
And then I give him a right hook.
“Motherfucker,” he mutters, rubbing his jaw.
“Damned right.” Then I toss him over my shoulder. “You may not care about any of us, but we care about you. And I won’t let you destroy yourself.”
Eagle is big and muscular, but not as big and muscular as I am, and with my adrenaline pumping, he’s light as a fucking feather.
“We’re going to rehab,” I say, “and I swear to God, this is the last time I keep your secret. You do this again? The whole damned family’s going to know.”
* * *
Present Day…
At the time, I meant those words in my heart and my soul.
I was tired of watching my little brother self-destruct. I was tired of him always going back to drugs.
Now?
I would take it all back if I could.
I’ll take back every bad word I’ve ever said to my brother if only he’ll live.
Please God, let him live.
Why the hell didn’t I pick up my phone? Answer the door?
I was too damned engrossed in Daniela.
She’s only eighteen years old, for God’s sake. What the hell am I doing? My brother could die…all because I wanted a woman more than I wanted to take care of him.
“I’m so sorry,” I say to Eagle. “I’m so sorry I didn’t answer the phone.
I’m so sorry I didn’t take care of you.” I squeeze his lifeless arm.
“I need you to fight. I need you to fight as hard as you’ve ever fought.
Be stronger than you’ve ever been before.
You’ll get through this, damn it. You have to get through this. ”
Then the soft sound of the door opening.
A nurse. “I just need to take his vitals,” she says.
“Can I speak to a doctor?” I ask, my voice cracking.
“Dr. Flynn is your brother’s attending,” she says. “She was here this morning, and she’ll be back this evening on rounds. I can leave a message for her if you’d like. I believe she’s still in the hospital.”
“Yes.” I clear my throat. “I’d like to speak to her, please.”
She nods. “I’ll page her as soon as I’m done here.”
I look back at Eagle’s vacant face. “How is he doing?”
The nurse makes some notes on the computer monitor in Eagle’s room. “He seems stable for now, but he’s still not responsive. You’ll have to ask the doctor if you want anything more detailed than that.”
Here comes the rage and anger again. “You’re damned right I want something more detailed. What the hell did he take? How much? Did you pump his stomach?”
“Sir, you’ll need to talk to his doctor.”
“What the hell good are you then?” I demand.
The nurse stays calm.
I shouldn’t be taking anything out on her. None of this is her fault.
No, the fault lies with me.
Solely with me.
The nurse completes her duties. “I’ll go page Dr. Flynn for you now.” Her voice and her demeanor are calm.
She’s no doubt used to family members going berserk on her.
When she’s gone, Robin steps in.
“What?” I say, my voice exasperated.
She widens her eyes at my tone but doesn’t say anything about it. “We’re going to take Mom down to the cafeteria for ice cream,” she says. “Come on.”
I shake my head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Hawk, you can’t do anything for him right now. All we can do is wait.”
I cross my arms. “I’m not leaving his fucking side.”
“Mom asked for you,” she says.
I scoff. “Robbie, I know you better than that. You’re not a liar. So stop lying.”
She says nothing, simply bites her lip.
“You and I both know,” I say, “that I’m the last person Mom would ever ask for.”
She sighs. “Yes, and I’m second to last. But you’re still her son, Hawk, and her baby is fighting for his life while her husband still can’t communicate. She needs all of us right now.”
“You go.” I turn back to Eagle. “I’m staying.”