Chapter 34 Charlie
CHARLIE
I have a conundrum. I have only ever kissed Greg.
And it’s nice. I like kissing. Here’s the thing, though: Bennett smiling at me sends more butterflies flapping through my stomach than every kiss of Greg’s combined.
It literally makes zero sense. Especially since I know Bennett’ll never see me like that.
Kissing Bennett is a fantasy, not a reality. I’m not lucky enough for that.
Bennett stared into my eyes and the ground fell out from under me. You’re all that is good in this world. All that I want.
I breathed in his words anxiously but held them like a soothing balm in my lungs. Could it really be this easy?
Not that any of this was easy. But navigating my relationship with Greg had been more difficult than relentlessly awful weather, our nights sleeping hungry, endless work, unpredictable challenges, and even an adorable bear (who I’d forgiven) destroying everything we’d done.
Being with Greg had been like waking up every morning on a precariously balanced surface, racing from side to side to make sure it didn’t topple over.
Bennett filled an essential purpose I needed to live, but so naturally and effortlessly it happened without me thinking about it.
His eyes burned with desire as he tightened his grip around my waist. Could I do this? Could I give in to these feelings? Was it possible for love to really feel like this?
Bennett shifted, his legs moving beneath where I sat on them, and I was brought back to reality. Reality where his ankle was hurting. And I’m sure the extra weight of me wasn’t making it any better.
I scrambled off his lap.
“Where are you going?” He stood and snagged my hand. A thrill at his closeness zinged through me, and I attempted to tamp it down. The whole point of standing up was to put space between us. Space he was quickly eviscerating with his huge body and presence.
We had the entire forest around us, and we were taking up the tiniest fraction of it. Except I found I didn’t want to move either.
“You need to rest your ankle so it heals.” There. I was right.
He shook his head slowly. “Nope. That’s not what I need.”
“What, then?” My voice came out in a squeak as he brought himself even closer, his entire presence enveloping mine.
“For you to kiss it better.”
“You want me to kiss your ankle?”
Amusement flashed in his eyes. “No, Charlie.”
Oh. Oh! My cheeks flamed hot, but I didn’t move. Because energy raced through my veins, making me really, truly alive. Anticipation, nerves, excitement, and desire swirled through me. Bennett had created a full-color spectrum of emotions in me. And I wanted him.
I pressed my palms to his chest and slowly ran them upwards toward his shoulders. His breathing hitched, and I closed my eyes, gratified to know he was reacting to me just as much as I was to him. It was only fair, after all.
I clasped my hands on his shoulders and rose to my tiptoes. We’d kissed several times, but I’d never once initiated it. He tipped his head down obligingly as I brought my mouth to his. He exhaled, and it seemed like every muscle in his body relaxed as we kissed.
I started to pull back, but his arms went around my waist and held me in place. “Can I just hold you for a minute?”
“Yes.” My heart raced, and I locked my arms behind his neck. His mouth kissed along my neck, my jaw, behind my ear, and my knees nearly buckled. He moved to the other side, his kisses slow and lingering in their path down my neck. “Bennett,” I begged not sure what exactly, I was begging him to do.
I gripped his hair tight when he went to pull back, and he chuckled against my cheek, the rumble sending spikes of electricity through my body.
“I’m just changing positions,” he said, and I relaxed my grip.
I was tempted to be embarrassed at my visceral reaction to him pulling away, but this was Bennett, and his revering expression left no room for me to be self-conscious.
He looked at me like I was something to cherish as he turned me around in his arms so my back was flush to his chest, and he kissed the nape of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. He held my waist, each hand gripping a hip.
“Bennett, I …” My words drifted off as he tugged the neck of my shirt to the side and kissed my shoulder, sensations stealing every thought as I tipped my head to the side to give him easier access.
He paused, his breath fanning across the small hairs on the back of my neck, sending a shiver of delight through me.
I went to turn, but his grip tightened on my waist. “Wait,” he whispered, a thread of awe in his tone. “Let me adore you.”
I held still as his kisses moved to the other side of my neck and my shoulder, then trailed a line down my spine.
I felt him drop to his knees, and I turned around in his embrace.
His arms tightened around my waist, and he pressed his cheek into my stomach in a hug that felt like he was embracing all of me—my strengths, my weaknesses, my losses, and what he might risk losing by loving me.
He was offering his entire self to me. All of his love, devotion, respect. His everything. I ran my fingers through his hair, filled with love for Bennett.
Love. There was no denying it.
I tilted his chin up and knelt in front of him, my fear finally gone. I pressed forward and kissed him, finally allowing my walls to collapse. His mouth, slow at first, pressed eagerly to mine as I opened myself up to him.
I wanted to show him, without words, I was in this. I was choosing to trust him. I was choosing to jump and not worry about landing, because no matter where I landed, Bennett would be with me.
We kissed as the sun moved in the sky, the two of us implausibly creating fresh, green shoots in a blackened, fire-ravaged forest.
We paused, our foreheads pressed together, our breathing ragged. “It’s dark,” Bennett said.
“Yeah.” I didn’t know anyone could feel like this. All those teenage longings I’d convinced myself were mythical, or that I’d grown out of … even those weren’t at the level of what I was feeling now for Bennett.
“We should go to the shelter.”
“Yeah,” I breathed again, my brain still whirling and tilting like I was coming off of a spinning ride.
He chuckled and brushed some hair behind my ear, then placed a finger under my chin as he dropped another breathlessly sweet kiss on my lips.
Our fingers were casually linked as we went back to our shelter.
The outside fire had burned out. The stars twinkled above us in the rare clear night.
I tilted my head up and stared at the wide expanse of the Milky Way.
It was easy to feel so alone out here, with so much space around us.
How could one little person mean anything in the face of all this?
Bennett tugged my hand and smiled at me.
This was how. I had found where I belonged.
When we got to the opening of the shelter, he went to grab the camera, but I impulsively put a hand on his arm to stop him. He gave me a questioning glance.
“I think we should leave them out here,” I said.
Heat flared in his gaze, and he nearly dropped the camera in his haste to release it. I laughed, feeling light and happy as I threw my arms around him, and we stumbled into our poor, broken-down shelter. But it was all we needed.
Ididn’t know what woke me up, but it was still dark outside.
I blinked my eyes open, able to see a little bit from the light of the full moon and clear night.
Bennett was sound asleep with his arms around me.
His breathing was deep and steady, with none of the restlessness that had been plaguing him since he was injured.
Steady. That was the perfect word to describe Bennett. I could think of a few more S-words to describe him. Sexy. Smart. Serious. Scrumptious. He was the perfect companion for a season of Married in the Wild.
The perfect companion for life.
Rosie had been right. Our marriage of convenience had slipped into love. When had Bennett first realized he loved me? When had I gone from being his little sister’s best friend to someone he wanted to adore?
I had a million questions I wanted him to answer, and I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life holding his hand and kissing him between asking them.
A noise sounded from outside, and I held still to listen. It wasn’t a bear. There wasn’t the chuffing sound. It almost sounded like footsteps. The nights were getting longer, and we were supposed to have a med check soon, but I’d lost track of days since our last one.
It probably was the medical staff. And I needed to use the restroom.
I wanted Bennett to keep sleeping. I’d step outside, see if they were here, and find my Log Loo. Hopefully the wind was making noises, and I could slip right back into the sleeping bag and snuggle next to my husband.
I noiselessly slid out of the sleeping bag and got dressed.
I grabbed Bennett’s huge coat and flashlight.
I waved to the cameras, which were still set up in the open area outside of our shelter.
I didn’t know how these scenes were going to be edited, but I could only imagine what our family was going to say.
I couldn’t imagine any scenario in which they weren’t thrilled.
My cheeks still heated at the thought as I headed toward my bathroom log.
It was too dark to see very far, but I didn’t spot any flashlights or movement.
I finished my business quickly and was walking back when I heard a noise behind me.
I whirled around, but a hand went over my mouth before I could say a word.