Chapter 7
B enny,” Mom called out, while I heard her shuffling in the doorway, out of breath. “I had the strangest feeling just now that Charlie is coming to visit.”
Benny’s face lit up and she grinned. “She’s psychic.”
“She saw my car, Benny.”
“Oh, yeah?” Benny whispered. “She was at Petra’s house, which is up the road, not down it. So, there . She couldn’t have even seen your car.” Benny crossed her arms in front of her chest and gave me a searing look.
“She probably picked up on your excitement, then.”
Her eyebrows pinched together and she dropped her smile. “Why do you always have to be so hard on Mom?” Benny shook her head then and turned away from me before I could answer, and whatever was roiling around in my stomach turned to lead.
“Ben—” I started and then Mom was in the doorway.
“You’re already here,” she said, flatly, staring at me.
I shrugged.
She narrowed her eyes and assessed me, looking like she could read my thoughts. My heartbeat picked up.
But then, her face broke into a sunbeam and she came toward me, arms outstretched.
“My baby is home!” She hugged me tightly and her sweet fruity scent hurtled me back to childhood, when I’d crawl into bed and try to console her, curling myself up in the crook of her neck, hoping I could make her feel better, that I could bring her back to herself after yet another rejection.
She wouldn’t let me go; she just kept hugging and hugging me, until Benny yelled, “Hey, I feel left out!” and wrapped her arms around us both and rocked until Mom laughed out loud and I tried not to feel suffocated.
They finally released me and Mom went around the small island and leaned against the sink, the golden light streaming in through the trees and onto the blond of her long hair.
She was radiant. She had always been radiant.
The kind of beauty that was truly effortless.
A comfort in her skin that never wavered.
She never had Botox, or a single cosmetic procedure on her face.
Never restricted food or decried carbs one year or gone fat-free.
She held herself and her body like it was sacred, like she was worthy of existing.
It was no wonder she always had a bevy of friends and suitors, just waiting for her attention.
A true cornucopia of admirers. Benny had that, too.
Maybe I did as well. I made it a point not to notice anything like that now.
Mom continued to watch me from her vantage point, all while being highlighted by the sun streaming in through the windows.
She was in comfortably worn loose jeans and a thick oatmeal-colored sweater.
Her blond hair was wavy and past her shoulders.
It was expertly highlighted, weaving through her natural white with darker blond tones.
Her hair had always been the one thing she put real effort into.
“Happy birthday, by the way,” she said. “You didn’t return my call, so I didn’t have a chance to say it to your face.
Not that you have to return my call, of course.
I’m sure you were busy. I hope it was a great birthday.
” She was talking quickly, almost nervously.
I looked up from my fidgeting hands, confused by the unfamiliar self-consciousness that was emanating off her. She started biting her lip.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. Benny was standing off to my right, where built-in shelves were housing an impressive collection of what seemed to be every cookbook ever published in the entire world.
A strange sight, given the fact that my mom had never cooked when I was growing up.
If anything, I was the chef in the family.
“Everything’s fine,” Mom said, fingering the long crystal pendant at her breast. “Well, it’s just—I don’t want to scare you off again. I can’t believe you’re here. I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I don’t want you to leave again and not come back for years.”
“Oh,” I said.
“I don’t say that to make you feel guilty, Charlie baby,” she said.
“You took what time you needed for whatever reasons you needed. I get that. One day, maybe you’ll tell me why.
I just, I’m really happy to see you, here in our home, the three of us back together again.
I’m trying not to cry right now. I missed you, that’s all. We both did.”
“Oh,” I repeated.
“I know you hate big displays of emotions and all kinds of feelings, so I’m done now. But, I love you and I’m so grateful you’re here. That’s it.” She wiped at her golden eyes and made a show of shaking herself off dramatically and then smiled. “What’s for dinner, then? Pizza?”