Chapter 18
I am the most full I’ve ever been in my entire life,” Benny cried as I drove the PCH back to Topanga Canyon. She was clutching her stomach.
“We definitely did not have to eat every single thing we ordered,” I said.
“Plus the dessert that Alex sent out for us.”
“Or those special little cheese bread puffs he had our server bring.”
We both laughed and then groaned.
“I need TUMS,” Benny said.
“And ginger ale,” I added.
“Stop at a gas station before we burst.”
I pulled into a place with a mini-mart and Benny and I strode in, going right for the aisle with travel-sized packets of medicine.
“Remember all our late-night runs to the 7-Eleven on Magnolia?” Benny asked, her arm laced in mine as we scanned the shelves. “We should get Mom some Red Vines.”
“Mom lived for a late-night run—and Red Vines,” I said, letting the memory stay fond and not laced with the realization that maybe taking your kids to a convenience store at ten o’clock on a school night wasn’t the best parenting move.
They were good memories. Mom would look at us both and declare we needed ice cream or chips or a baked hand pie and we’d squeal with delight as we loaded ourselves into the back seat of the car.
I’d be tired at school the next day, or Mom would let me skip, and that was the kind of lack of discipline and responsibility that eventually brought me late-onset resentment.
You couldn’t live like that forever, unless you were Jackie Quinn, apparently.
As a kid, I vacillated between loving that spontaneity and also feeling stressed by it.
Benny found the TUMS and Red Vines and I got two fizzy bottles of ginger ale while lost in memories. As we walked up to the counter to pay, my phone pinged and when I saw who texted, the inside of my body felt like someone had shaken up a soda in there and let it all loose at once.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered under my breath, before I could stop myself. Benny heard and whipped around.
“What?” she asked, alarmed.
“Alex texted.”
“Daaaaaamn, that was quick,” she said, giddy and loud. “Well, what did he say?”
“It’s private.” I didn’t want to show her, because I knew what she would do: make me say yes to him.
“Charlotte. Show me. Oh, my God. It’s a request.”
“Fine,” I said.
We both leaned over my phone and read the text from Alex.
i’m not wasting any more time when it comes to you, quinn. unfortunately i work this weekend. but, monday? please tell me you’re free.
“That’s so fucking hot,” Benny said, lifting her palms up.
“Alex Perry wants you. He wants you bad and he wants you to know it. You’re going for it.
I can already tell you want to say no. I can already see you denying yourself this.
It’s Alex Perry. You’re saying yes or you’re paying me ten grand and living to regret not getting with Alex when you could. That’ll haunt you on your deathbed.”
“He’s going to Chicago in a month, Benny.”
“So? Have fun for a month. Enjoy yourself, Charlize .”
“It’s not worth it.”
“Charlie,” Benny said, grabbing me by the shoulders. “Are you afraid you’re going to develop feelings for him? I thought you didn’t ‘get’ feelings.” Her eyes were wide and she was grinning.
“I’m not. I don’t. I won’t.”
“You’re totally afraid. Look at you.”
“I’m not going to fall in love with him.”
“Love?!” Her jaw practically unhinged. “Who said anything about falling in love ?”
“I’m just saying,” I cried, flustered. “It’s an expression.”
“No, it’s not.”
“It’s not a good idea, Benny. Don’t I get a veto on your requests?”
“Not unless you want to owe me ten grand and die regretting not getting with Alex after you pined over him for years.”
“Fine,” I said, through clenched teeth. “I’ll say yes. Charlize would say yes.”
“Exactly. Charlize would take the opportunity and run.”
An alter ego could work. Charlize would be able to do everything I was too afraid to do and when it was time to go back to San Francisco, I could shrug her off like a coat. No entanglements. No strings. No risk.
Benny and I walked back to the car and as we got in, she said, “Alex looked really good. Like, better than he used to.”
I sighed, like a lovelorn teenager staring up into the eyes of a boy band poster. “So damn good.”
“I want all the details. That’s a big request.”
“You know what, Benny?” I said, playfully.
“Tomorrow, I’m going to grill you on all your conquests, get every detail out of your love life.
We’re going to sit down and discuss your career.
I’m going to tell you all your flaws that you need to work on.
That’s what you’ve been doing with me. Meddling.
Prying. Intervening. How does that sound? ”
“I know you think you’re threatening me,” Benny said, laughing.
“But I think it sounds fun. I can’t wait!
I love talking about myself. And you know how much I live for your attention.
I’m your little sister. I’ll take anything I can get from you!
Should we get coffee while we’re at it? Make a day of it? ”
“Oh, my God,” I said, pulling out of the parking spot and easing my way onto the PCH again. “You’re impossible.”
“That makes two of us I guess,” she said. And I didn’t even have to look over at her to know she was grinning.