Chapter 20
T hey were dancing slowly in a circle to one of Charlie’s favorite songs, “I Have Nothing” by Whitney Houston.
Noah teased her that the song was pretty angsty for someone who said she wasn’t that romantic.
She’d laughed with him, and said she was reexamining her self-assessment.
Maybe she was a romantic, after all. It certainly seemed like it.
She’d begun to rediscover the music of her childhood, the records that played endlessly in Quinn Canyon—Fleetwood Mac, Whitney, The Beatles, Elton John, ABBA.
She’d enjoyed playing them for Noah, each night dancing together after she told him stories about Triple Quinn.
Charlie felt like she’d stepped into the pages of a romance novel.
They spent most of their time alone, caught in the delicious web of their intimacy, but sometimes they met up with friends—introducing each other to their people, doing trivia nights at the bar downtown, going mini-golfing with Charlie’s good friend Heidi and her boyfriend.
Charlie had finally told Benny about Noah.
She made Benny promise not to tell their mom.
Not yet. She wanted to be more sure that Noah was in this before she let Jackie get excited.
Noah had to go home, tell his parents he was off to travel the world with her, disappoint them, upset his entire life.
Charlie didn’t know how that would play out yet, and she wasn’t about to tell her mom this grand plan only to take it back.
Every single minute with Noah felt fragile.
Even her childhood seemed to soften in the glow of her and Noah.
When she spoke of it, she spoke with equanimity and understanding.
Noah loved every story. Through his eyes, her childhood was idyllic.
He couldn’t wait to see Quinn Canyon. He was dying to meet Jackie and Benny and frequently asked if he could be a “Bonus Quinn” and the thought of bringing Noah into the fold of her little family made her so inexplicably happy that it terrified her.
Love could lift you to perilous heights, holding only the hand of a fallible human being, who could any day decide to change their mind and walk out the door.
It had happened once before to Charlie with her dad and she remembered it all too well, but being with Noah was about trusting that lightning doesn’t strike you twice.
They had their big trip mostly planned, but wanted to embrace spontaneity.
They’d leave right after graduation, spend at least a year abroad.
Noah’s dad had an internship lined up for him at a bank, something that would funnel Noah directly into his business.
He hadn’t told his parents yet, that he was going with her, that he didn’t want that life.
She worried about it constantly. She was in love with him. It had been two months, and they didn’t spend a day, or night, apart.
He was going home to discuss his plans with his parents.
She offered to go with him, but he thought it might be better if he braved it alone.
She didn’t tell him how fearful she was that he’d lose his will.
She was scared of losing her own nerve, but more scared that he’d buckle and fold to the demands of his overbearing dad.
She hated that sense of insecurity. She didn’t doubt Noah’s love for her.
She doubted his ability to be able to withstand his alienation from his family, and to be ripped from all the comforts he had known and grown up with.
Even though she would never voluntarily give up Noah, she hated the vulnerability it inspired within her.
Just the thought of not being with him devastated her.
She used to feel strong, impenetrable. But now she was gooey, malleable, always craving his touch.
They met during classes, and those hours between seeing Noah would be endless—the waiting, the wanting, the needing him.
She had never felt anything like it, and part of her resented it.
She was unfocused. She was bubblegum and heart eyes, when all she’d ever wanted was to be a fortress.
They lay in bed together after they made love, and she let her mind wander and go blank, the feel of his fingertip tracing the curve of her skin like a nerve ending set on fire.
He was staring at her longingly, and she never got tired of the way he looked when he looked at her.
He kissed her neck and ran his soft lips down until he hit her collarbone.
“You’re my drug,” he said, low. “I don’t know how to get enough of you.”
“Just imagine doing this in Paris,” she whispered. “Or in Vienna, Prague, or Tokyo.”
“I want to go now. Not even tell my parents. Just go.”
“They’d send out the National Guard for you.”
“I wouldn’t even make it onto the plane.”
They were two weeks out from their first flight.
They’d land in Lisbon and then, wherever they decided they wanted to go next.
Noah was using money at his disposal for now, but she was funding it all on credit cards.
Maddeningly irresponsible, but she had to do it.
She was an adult, but it was the first time she’d felt truly young.
“So, you go tomorrow for three days,” she said, already missing him before he’d even left for Connecticut.
“If I can even last three days,” he said. “With them. Without you.” He kissed her, long and slow, his tongue languid against hers, his warm hands roving her body, and she was breathless by the time they stopped.
Her head was swimming, but she tried to find the thread of their conversation.
“Play nice,” she said. “Maybe they’ll be reasonable.”
He laughed. “You haven’t met my parents. Reasonable is not who they are.”
“Just pretend you’ll be whoever they want after the year abroad. And then we’ll deal with them when we’re back.”
“We will?” he asked, his eyes glinting. “I like the sound of we .”
“I’ll go with you,” she said, something desperate in her voice. “If you want me to go. I will.”
“If you go with me, there’s no chance,” he said. “At least if I can talk to them alone, I may be able to figure it out.”
“Okay,” she said. “It’s all going to work out.
” She had let so many of her mom’s words leak into this relationship.
She believed in soulmates, fate, the Universe, everything.
She wanted the certainty her mom had. That it was all going to work out for them.
That she and Noah were meant to be. The life they’d sketched out—the traveling and then the return together—it was what she never knew she wanted.
She had always been skeptical of people who came from rich families, but Noah was different.
“What if they don’t agree?” she asked. She’d been avoiding this question for a long time now.
“Then, we’ll go anyway,” Noah replied.
“But you’ll lose everything.”
“Not everything,” he said, and kissed her so tenderly on the lips she melted into him, forgetting all previous worries. “It’s easy, Charlie. I choose you.”
“But what if...”
“What if, what?”
“Noah, don’t make me say it.”
“What if, what?” he repeated.
“What if we break up? It’s only been two months. What if this doesn’t last? Then you’ve given up too much for me.”
“We won’t break up,” he said, without a hint of doubt. “And I don’t know how many more times I can say that the money doesn’t matter.”
“The only people who say the money doesn’t matter are the ones that have it.”
“You’re being too practical here.”
“And maybe you’re not being practical enough.”
“Charlie,” he said, stilling her. “You want the truth?”
Her breathing stopped. “Yeah.”
“Even if we break up, and I can’t imagine that happening, I’d still be happy I chose what I wanted to do.
If these are their terms and they’re going to stick to them, then it’s best I make my own way.
Money is not worth being under my dad’s control.
The money is tainted. That is not love. I won’t miss that.
I’m giving them one more chance to be good parents. ”
She let out a breath, finally relaxed.
“My heart’s on the line here, Noah,” she said. “Like, it’s really on the line.”
He nodded, cupped her face with his palm. “Mine, too,” he said. “I can’t lose you. I can’t imagine a life without you now.”
“Me, either.”
“And, if you remember correctly, I’m the one who should be worried. You said you’re not romantic. Or lovable.”
She laughed. “You proved me wrong.”
“Good,” he said, and kissed her cheek, shifted to his back, and she laid her head on his chest, like she had every other night for the past sixty nights.
Charlie would tell her mom about everything once Noah was back.
Then she would be sure. She felt excited at the prospect of surprising her mom with this wonderful man and the grand adventure that lay before her.
Mom would be so excited for her. Even without her mom knowing about this whole plan, Charlie felt like she finally belonged with Triple Quinn, like she was actually one of them.
It was as sweet a feeling as falling in love with Noah was.
Snapping out of the scene was harsh, and I kicked the covers off me, panting and sweating. This was why Alex was a bad idea. I’d felt this intoxicating sense of warmth before, drawn to someone despite all my inner protestations.
And it hadn’t ended well.
In fact, it had ended with total, brutal, life-shattering heartbreak.