Chapter 22
A t brunch, I shined the flashlight from my phone right in Benny’s eyes. “Your turn to be under investigation,” I said. “Love life updates?”
We had just put our order in and were sipping on iced lattes with cinnamon dusted on top.
We’d all wanted exactly the same thing—eggs Benedict, iced lattes, and an order of pancakes for the table.
Life is nothing but one relentless change after another, but not this.
Not Triple Quinn at brunch. We were eggs Benedict and pancake connoisseurs.
We’d always been in search of the best of the best and in LA, that wasn’t hard to find.
We hunted for the best burger, best pizza, best plate of authentic pasta, best plate of modern pasta, best pancakes, best eggs Benedict, best ice cream. Our weekend plans had always been: eat.
No wonder enjoying food was the first thing I cut out seven years ago.
“The thing about me, Charlie,” Benny began with a flourish. “I’m just not a commitment person, you know? I don’t think there’s just one person out there for me. Every time I think I’m in love, I turn around and find someone else I want to be in love with.”
“The girl loves love,” Mom added, shrugging.
“I like the bohemian, free life that Mom lives,” Benny said. She was sipping on her paper straw with her head dipped to the table like a little kid. She looked young and beautiful and her golden eyes shone.
“Hey now, if I found someone worthy of my lifelong commitment,” Mom said, “I’d go all in.”
“I don’t think I would,” Benny said. “I like all the choices. I can’t be tied down.”
“Have you broken Juliana’s heart, then?” Mom asked.
“Juliana?” I said. “Do tell.”
“We were dating for a few months,” Benny said, waving her hand in the air. “She wanted more. But then I met Emery. And if you met Emery, you’d see I couldn’t resist. I’m very honest. I never make promises. I keep it casual. Don’t worry. I’m not breaking hearts on purpose .”
“You’re young, Ben,” I said. “Maybe one day you’ll commit. Maybe one day you won’t. I say do whatever feels right to you.”
Mom and Benny exchanged a look.
“Do whatever feels right?” Benny asked. “Who are you? Have you come around to the Universe? It was running into Alex, wasn’t it? Hey, if you ever want to go to a sound bath, just let me know.”
“If you’re on the Universe’s side,” Mom said,“I’ve got a tarot reader, astrologist, and a handful of psychics. Take your pick.”
“Alright, slow down, you two,” I said, smiling. “Me and the Universe are maybe, sort of, kinda establishing a truce. But this brunch isn’t about me. Benny, tell me about work.”
“I’m getting my name out there,” she said. “I trust that my perfect clients will always show up. I post on Instagram all the time and have a decent following. Mostly, I’m just getting portrait work right now. I did some family photos and even a wedding a couple months ago. It’s trickling in.”
“What do you really want to do with your photography?” I asked.
“Biggest dream? I want to go on tour with a band or musician and photograph them on stage. But getting the contacts, an agency, all of that—it just hasn’t come together.”
“Yet,” I said.
“YET? Is that... optimism I hear?” Benny cried. “Okay, Mom, we need to take Charlie to the emergency room. She’s acting weird.”
Mom laughed. “Let her be, Benny. Our Charlie has always done things her way and in her own time. Let’s just see what she does from here.”
Mom glanced at me and gave me an encouraging smile.
She squeezed my leg under the table and the gesture said, I’m trying .
Mom had never been hard on me, but she’d been dismissive in her own way—and even though I knew now she was attempting to encourage me, it had felt like criticism back then.
Like I wasn’t good enough. Like I wasn’t the daughter she wanted. And maybe Benny was.
The three plates of eggs Benedict were dropped in front of each of us, along with a fat stack of pancakes in the middle of the table, a heaping scoop of butter, and a glass bottle of maple syrup.
All three of us dug into the food immediately, groaning at how delicious it was almost in sync. After we were about halfway through our food, Mom cleared her throat.
“I don’t want to jinx it,” she said. “So don’t freak out or get too excited or even ask me any follow-up questions, but I’m bursting and need my two girls to know this.
I repeat, no follow-up questions. We are going to just continue eating pancakes.
Nobody’s hopes get too high up. Got it?” She stopped and looked at us both until we nodded our assent.
“I’ve met someone special,” she said, lifting her hand up to stop any inquiry. “I don’t know where it’s going yet, but it might be going somewhere. And I’ve got a screen test for the lead of a TV show. That’s it. That’s my news. Now, back to your pancakes.”
Benny and I both raised our eyebrows at each other across the table.
“Please provide any updates to these two situations as you see fit,” Benny said, face stoic and serious.
I gave Benny a little knowing grin. This was a display of vulnerability from Mom that hardly ever happened. She was afraid. Afraid to get her hopes too high and suffer another disappointment. I felt myself physically soften and put my arm around her.
“We’re here for whatever happens,” I said.
Benny looked at me like I had five heads.
“Mom, seriously, Charlie needs to see a doctor.”
Mom just gave Benny that same little grin again and shook her head. “No, our Charlie is exactly where she needs to be.”