Chapter 34
B y the time I looked up from my book, the sun had started setting in the most stunning streaks of orange and golden yellow.
I earmarked the new Poppy Banks thriller I’d gotten halfway through and set it aside.
My skin had that perfect sensation of hours in the sun, all baked and warm, and I couldn’t stop thinking of the shower I was going to take, the feeling of dropping into that bed with Alex.
He was watching the sunset as well and had absentmindedly grabbed my hand, placed it on his chest and covered his other hand with it. My phone dinged.
“Sorry,” I said to him, pulling my hand out from under the clasp of his and holding it up. “I need that back for a second.”
“Only for a second,” he said, smiling. He had color on the tops of his cheeks that made him look youthful and happy.
Benny had texted me ten times in a row.
DINNER WHEN YOU’RE BACK!?!!!
i miss you and i miss alex
you guys down?
well, you have to say yes
it’s a request
invite alex
that’s also a request
i’ll third wheel it as always
hope you’re doing lots of naughty things, charlize
charliiiiiiizzzzze
I burst out laughing. Alex looked at me quizzically and I just said, “Benny,” in response. He nodded like that explained everything, which to be fair, it did.
dearest sister—i accept your request. i will check in with alex re: dinner.
charlize is having a very good time, by the way.
why are you texting me like you’re corresponding with a gentleman of the high court?
don’t know. felt right in the moment.
Placing my phone face down on the side table, I turned to Alex.
“Benny wants to do dinner when we’re back,” I said. “If you’re up for it.”
“I am,” he said. “Or I could cook for you all? Maybe Friday night? I could cook at your house?”
My smile started slowly and then took over my face. “I think my mom and Benny would absolutely love that.”
“And you?” he asked, low, intimate. “Would you like that?”
“Yes, Chef.”
He made a display of shivering.
“Please never stop saying that.” His eyes darkened. “I may have had enough of the beach. And being with you in public. And not doing all the things to you I’ve been dreaming about doing to you.”
“Same,” I said, and we were both on our feet, packing up quickly.
On the walk to the room, I texted Benny back.
alex is in for dinner, but he wants to be the one to cook it. friday night? that cool?
COOL!?!!!!
of course it’s cool
how are you not in love with him?????
if you don’t fall in love with him, i may have to
I rolled my eyes at the phone.
i’m rolling my eyes at you right now. see you when i get back. don’t get up to any trouble.
I WILL
I laughed and then I put my phone in my bag, caught up to Alex and slid my hand into his.
“Benny is ecstatic you’re going to be cooking for us,” I told him.
“I personally can’t wait to see Quinn Canyon in the flesh.”
“You know the name?”
“You do know that your house was, and is, famous, right?”
“No...?”
“Didn’t your mom have like actors, models, and musicians over all the time? Usually right before they broke out and made it big? Last I heard, she still did.”
I laughed. “Yes,” I said. “That was basically my childhood.”
“People used to say that your house was magical,” he said.
We were at the door to our suite and he tapped the keycard.
Once inside, I dropped my heavy tote bag on the carpet by the door and flung my flip-flops off.
“That anyone who stepped inside would finally get the call that would change their life.”
“Who said that?” I’d never heard of this.
“It was sort of an urban legend,” he said. “The Magic House.”
“Fascinating. If that’s even true, it’s a heartbreaking story, because the one person who never got the call that changed their life was my mom.”
“You never know,” he said, shrugging. “It could still happen.”
“Right,” I scoffed. “That’s what she seems to believe, too.”
“And you don’t?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe she could have found something else that she loved if she had quit. It was hard watching her get rejected all the time, year after year.”
“The pleasure is sometimes in the pursuit, though,” he said. “The journey and all that. Does she regret it?”
“Not at all,” I said. “She still believes she’s due her big break.”
“It doesn’t hurt to have hope.”
“It doesn’t?”
“What’s the point of anything, if you don’t have hope?”
I fiddled with the tassel on the swimsuit cover-up I’d borrowed from Benny. Me and hope had a fraught relationship. Who was I kidding? Me and anything but certainty, predictability, and control had a fraught relationship.
“You’re a good man,” I said to Alex. “I’m going to shower.”
“I’d ask if I could join, but I have to call the owners of the restaurant in Chicago for a minute. They have some questions about the menu I developed for them.” He kissed me on the shoulder and then walked toward the terrace.
I got in the shower, letting the lukewarm water crest across my burnt skin, pointedly avoiding questions like why did it bother me so much that my mom still had hope for her big break and why couldn’t I just support her.
Fruitless questions to which I had no answers, or, perhaps, they did have answers, but I just didn’t want to face them, didn’t want to let go of all this resentment I’d been carrying like body armor, desperate to not be obliterated ever again.