Chase

23. Logan

LOGAN

I wake up in a world of color, and air that smells like rose petals.

I blink open my eyes in the early hours of the morning as sunlight streams in through Chase’s bedroom window. The sound of laughter comes up from outside, probably some groups of people going to breakfast at the shops on the street below.

His arms are still wrapped around me.

I’m pretty sure he hasn’t let go of me all night.

I’m not sure when I started to see neon paint as something relaxing, but somehow it is here in Chase’s room. The wall behind his bed is all red brick, but the one across from it is painted black with various colors on top of it.

Some of the dresser drawers are slightly open, with clothes peeking out.

There’s an unfinished woodworking project in one corner of the room, some sort of sculptural object with multiple levels.

On the non-painted walls, there are large framed photographs and paintings which I assume are his own, too.

Paper lanterns hang above the bed, and the drawer he rummaged through last night is still open.

I see where the scent of rose comes from, because there’s a jar of dried petals on the nightstand, too.

The whole room is full of the same chaos that orbits Chase at all times. The chaos that intimidated me to the core when I first met him, and now it seems…

Familiar.

Inviting.

I shift just an inch on the bed and Chase’s arm tightens around me like a firm bar. “No. Mine,” he demands behind me, in a sleepy murmur.

“I have to piss.”

He hums. “Hope you’re ready for me to come hold your dick for you while you do, then.”

“Is it bad that I don’t even know if you’re joking?”

“I don’t know if I am, either.” He exhales, then finally moves his arms, giving my back a shove, and I feel a kick at my feet, too. “Fine. Go. When you come back, I’m punishing you.”

I laugh and when I turn around to face him, he’s smiling wide, too.

The sun comes in along his face, highlighting his hair in a wild halo. It’s all messed up from sleep, and I’ve never seen him look so disheveled. How is it possible that one person is capable of looking so intense or so adorable in the span of a moment?

I head across the hall and after using the restroom I go to the kitchen for a glass of water.

I’m chugging the glass as the front door of the apartment swings open.

Chase’s brother walks in and before he even looks over at me, he starts to talk.

“How was the gallery show last night? Did you schmooze with any trust-fund art fucks who want to buy your—oh. You’re not Chase.”

His eyes go wide as he shuts the door behind him, gazing at me.

“Logan,” I tell him. “We met last year. You’re Julian, right?”

He nods. “I remember.”

I say a silent prayer of thanks that Chase at least gave me some pants last night, so I’m not standing here stark naked right now.

A creak comes from down the hall and Chase pads out into the kitchen.

“Hey,” he tells his brother, acting cool as a cucumber.

He walks up and laces his arms around me from behind, leaning to press a kiss to the edge of my shoulder as he looks at his brother like he’s trying to make a point of it.

My skin heats.

It’s the first time Chase has ever touched me like this in front of anyone else, and my instinct is to flee. I’m so used to hiding away and keeping private things completely private, closing myself off to people knowing a single thing about me unless they have to.

But I need Chase to know that I fucking meant what I said.

I want his touch.

I want him to feel like he can have it, anytime he needs it.

“I’m guessing you don’t want an energy drink,” Chase tells me as he slides his palm down my spine and heads to the fridge, retrieving a can that has a green lightning bolt on the front.

“No, thank you.”

“Toss me one,” Julian says. Chase chucks it across the room but Julian’s ready for it, grabbing the can as it flies through the air like it’s nothing. Chase turns on a little speaker on the edge of the kitchen counter a moment later, filling the air with some punk song and singing along.

He starts moving around the kitchen like he moves around his art studio, heading back and forth between the fridge and the countertop, occasionally stopping to drum his hands on the surface along with the song.

“I’m making you a smoothie,” he tells me, reaching over to squeeze my hip. “Strawberry okay?”

“Sounds wonderful.”

Julian sits down on the couch in the living room, occasionally glancing over to us in the kitchen as Chase works.

He gathers frozen strawberries, pineapple, and mango and tosses them into a blender with milk, and he adds way more honey to the smoothie than I ever would, but I love watching him work.

Something seems off about Julian, though.

He almost seems angry at Chase as he watches him, but I get the feeling he’s not going to talk about why while I’m in the room. After Chase blitzes the smoothie, they start chatting about the gallery show for a while and Chase tells him all about the people he met at the show.

Eventually Julian heads into his room and I lift my eyebrows at Chase, sipping some of the smoothie.

“So,” I tell him.

“So.”

I nod toward the hall, speaking in a low voice. “He knows?”

Chase gives me a blank look for a moment before realizing what I mean. “My brother? He’s known I wanted to fuck you since, like, a week into knowing you last year. Yes.”

“Jesus, Chase.”

“What? The fact that he’s known since last year and hasn’t told the secret means that he’s fine, Logan. He’s better at keeping a secret than I am.”

I nod. “I’m just surprised.”

Chase leans over the countertop, gazing at me. “I had to tell someone, okay? Did I fuck up?”

I step over and wrap my arms around him, pulling him close. “I’m glad you told him. You didn’t fuck up.”

“Okay,” he says against my chest.

“I have to leave to meet Emily,” I tell him, running my hand across his hair. “But I’m not going to be able to see you this week.”

“Very funny.”

“Unfortunately, I’m not joking. We’re filming on location upstate for a few days in the Catskills.”

He pulls back, looking me in the eyes. “You weren’t going to mention that to me?”

“Honestly, it slipped my mind entirely. I’ve been thinking about a lot of other things more than my filming schedule lately.”

He nods. “It’s okay. I need to finish processing your photoshoot, and I’ll never focus on it enough if your ass is within fuck-range of my cock.”

“Fuck-range?”

He looks up at me, stepping forward to cup my groin. “Yeah. Kind of like you are right now.”

“Do not get me hard before I go see my manager.”

His lips come up in a smile. “Maybe I want you hard and tortured all day while you’re out and about. All week, while you’re upstate. What if I told you not to come for the whole time you’re up there?”

A pang hits my chest. “I wouldn’t be able to film without getting hard if you did that.”

His eyes glimmer. “But you’d do it, right?”

He squeezes my cock slightly and already it’s beginning to harden. “Maybe.”

“You would.”

“You love to torture me, don’t you?”

“It’s okay. You can come. Just send me pictures of it sometimes, okay?”

He releases me and I pull in a slow breath. I head back to his room to get dressed and ready to leave, and I’m heading for the door within a few minutes. He walks me downstairs to the street, and the city is already bustling, although his street isn’t too crowded yet.

“Thank you for the smoothie. It was way more delicious than the ones I make myself. I’ll see you soon, Chase.”

“Hey. Come here,” he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me back. “Kiss me.”

His lips hit mine, and he kisses me slowly.

A thrill rolls through me.

We’re kissing on the street. There are no paparazzi and nobody around is holding out their phone camera at us, but… still.

I like it.

I’m not panicking, or worried, or thinking about anyone else at all.

“I hooked up with Chase last night,” I tell Emily before we’ve even received our coffees at breakfast.

Her eyes meet mine, and she pauses for a moment before she nods. “Did something bad happen?”

I shake my head. “What? No. It was great. Really great, actually.”

“Was something different about it?”

“Different?”

“Than the other times you’ve been with him?”

I shift on my seat as the waiter comes over, placing our coffee cups in front of us. He walks off, and I glance back up at Emily.

“Damn. I knew you were aware we had something going on, but you could at least humor me by acting a little bit shocked by the revelation.”

She grins, taking a sip of coffee. “I would be more worried if you weren’t hooking up with him. He’s hot, he’s smart, and he’s talented. I know you need an outlet, Logan. I’m happy for you.”

My throat tightens a little as she tells me that.

To say I needed an outlet is an understatement.

“Thank you, Em.”

“Is he working on the photos?” she asks. “We need them for the magazine ASAP.”

“He’s on it. He has your email address to send the files when they’re ready.”

“I promise I’ll cover my eyes and peek through when I see them,” Emily jokes. “Or I’ll hold out my hand only covering the private bits.”

I wave my hand through the air. “Look at all of it. The whole world is going to see, anyway.”

We laugh, and she reaches out to squeeze my shoulder. “I just want to say one thing, Logan. You can tell me to fuck off.”

“Oh, God. I’m scared.”

“I just want you to be careful. Okay?”

“Careful?”

Her smile falls a little. “With Chase.”

I furrow my brow. “What’s there to be careful about? I don’t exactly think Chase is the type to plot my demise.”

“No. But he’s young. He’s… a thrill seeker, as far as I can tell, which is probably why you and I both like him. Well. You like him a lot more, I suppose.”

“Right.”

She eyes me closely. “I’m not talking about business here, I’m just talking to you as a friend. I don’t think I could handle you being hurt.”

“Chase could never hurt me.”

The moment the words leave my mouth, I know they’re wrong.

Chase would never try to hurt me.

He would never want to do anything like that intentionally.

But I realize, now, that he has the power to absolutely destroy me, by the simple fact of how much I’ve come to want him in my life.

If he moved on it would crush me.

I’ve never thought about how gutting that would be. I’ve come to expect Chase in my world, and if he became bored of me… it would be like last year, but a hundred times worse. When we’re together and he tells me that I belong to him, I believe it so fully.

But sex is sex.

It makes people do wild things. Get obsessive. Addictive.

I open up my phone and there are dozens of notifications, as always.

I scroll through my messages and see that none of them are from Chase, and my chest falls a little.

I open our messages, tapping one out.

I try a few different drafts, never pressing send:

Logan

I still can’t believe we did that.

Fuck me again the night I get back?

I miss you already. Is that too much to say?

I miss you.

Do you even like exclusive relationships?

Do you do commitment, or just rough, possessive sex?

Are you willing to actually date someone who is bombarded by cameras in crowds every time you leave your front door?

Do you *want* this life, Chase? Is any of it fucking worth it?

Am I an idiot for bringing you into it at all?

…Did “mine” mean for a long time, or just for now?

I never send a single one of them.

I hit the delete button, erasing the letters on the screen more rapidly every time. I slide my phone back into my pocket, sending nothing.