12. Chapter 12
Chapter 12
Tessa
W hat. Just. Happened?
I watched Finn disappear through the bathroom door. My chest heaved as I remembered the way his calloused hands gently trailed across my skin. His touch set my nerve endings on fire, while his lips caused my heart to lurch against the confines of my ribcage with each additional contact.
What was that?
Staring into the bathroom mirror, I tried to see myself the way he did. I knew I was attractive to a portion of the male population, but I never thought of myself as the type of woman men fell at their feet to be with. My expression turned hard as I reasoned that, if my history with men taught me anything, I was the type of woman men liked to take advantage of. Whether that was because of my looks or my unfailingly trusting nature, I wasn’t entirely sure.
I was inspecting my bruises when Finn stepped into the bathroom. Seeing his fists clench with rage, every muscle in my body locked tight. As a result of my years with Daniel, I learned to expect pain upon being the source of a man’s anger. But almost as soon as the thought appeared, my mind rejected it. Despite his obvious anger, I knew Finn would never hurt me.
As my muscles relaxed, shame overtook my fear. I recognized that while I wasn’t afraid of him, I was ashamed he could see my failures painted across my body. The doctor saw every mark, and after the x-rays came back confirming my cracked ribs, she gently questioned their origin. I wasn’t stupid. I knew anyone with real-world knowledge would know they weren’t from a car accident. I didn’t respond beyond telling her I left that life behind, which was how I ended up here. She seemed to sense I wanted to drop the conversation and mercifully changed the subject to the cut on my forehead.
She offered to write a prescription for pain killers, but I declined and told her I’d developed a high pain tolerance over the years. When she mentioned filing a police report, I snapped at her. I instantly regretted my tone as her features softened with empathy. It wasn’t her fault. She was only trying to help, so I apologized before clarifying that I wasn’t willing to speak with anyone. She studied me before nodding and continuing the exam.
The shame I felt with the doctor was nothing compared to Finn seeing them. He must think I was an idiot for staying in a situation like that. I mean, honestly, who stayed with someone who hurt them on a constant basis? Somone who belittled them and broke down their self-worth until there was nothing left?
I shook my head when the truth of my reality sank in. If only it was as simple as leaving.
But Finn hadn’t looked at me with disgust or pity. He looked at me like a woman. My skin tingled as I remembered the way it felt to have his body so close to mine. The way heat emanated from his muscular form. How gentle and caring his hands were, a stark contrast to the harsh fists I learned to except from a man’s touch.
My eyes burned when I recalled the tenderness with which he treated each of my bruises, and the heat that raced through my veins at his touch. His eyes held mine throughout, always asking permission before touching the marks covering my skin.
If I wasn’t so sure I was incapable of ever feeling it again, I would have sworn it was desire coursing through my body. And when he said those things about Daniel, some broken piece of my soul began to stitch itself back together.
But then he pulled away. His swift departure left me standing there wondering what the hell just happened.
Inspecting my reflection once more, I discovered the bruises camouflaged all of the things I hated about my body. The softness of my belly. The cellulite that stuck to the back of my legs no matter how many hours I spent in the gym. The way my thighs rubbed when I walked. The stretch marks that decorated my hips and breasts.
As I catalogued each and every imperfection, I shook my head at the notion someone like Finn would ever be interested in me. The man resembled a Greek God. A small voice in the back of my head whispered that men did not behave that way with women they were not attracted to, while the logical part of my brain told me that even if he was attracted to me, a man like Finn would never actually date someone as broken as I was.
My fingers wiped away tears I hadn’t noticed falling while I allowed myself to wallow. I blinked away the remnants of my pain, discarding my undergarments before walking over to the shower. Steam began to fill the room as I stepped inside, the scalding water easing the ache in my muscles.
I stood beneath the water, praying the flow would wash away all the parts of myself I loathed. When the water ran cold and my feelings of inadequacy remained, I gave up and exited the shower.
Dressed and padding down the hallway, I heard Finn’s voice in the living room.
“Uh-huh. Yep. I understand. Do what you need to do.” Finn’s head bobbed in acknowledgment of the person on the other end of the line. “I’ll let her know.”
Dread filled me at his last statement, and I froze. Who was he talking to? Was I the ‘her’ he referred to?
I eased into the room just in time to see Finn hang up the phone and slip it in his pocket.
His fists clenched while his eyes raked over my body as though he could still see the bruises beneath my clothing. He cleared his throat, blinking away the pained look that momentarily resided there. “That was my buddy down at the auto shop. He was able to dig out your car and tow it to his garage.”
My relief was instantaneous. With the amount of snow that fell, a small part of me worried they would be unable to find it until spring. I had no idea where I was going after I left Finn’s home, but at least now I had a way to do it.
That relief was short-lived as he continued. “It looks like you bent an axle when you hit the ditch, and something underneath punctured the gas tank. Since he’ll also need to replace the window I broke to unlock the car, and the seatbelt I cut to get you out, he’s going to have to order some parts. But he said he should be able to have your car up and running in a couple of days.”
My heart sank as the reality of what he was saying washed over me. While my knowledge of car repair was nonexistent, I was certain there was no way the last few hundred dollars left over from Layla would cover the cost.
Finn’s brow furrowed as he watched my reaction. “I thought you would have been happy he can have your car back so quickly,” he said, his confusion evident while he studied me.
I nodded in agreement. “It’s wonderful he can have the damage fixed so quickly. But I have no way to pay for the repairs,” I murmured, moving toward the massive picture window on the far wall. Staring out at the white powder I never would have predicted could cause so much damage to a vehicle, I added one more item to the list of things I failed to learn after a lifetime living in L.A.
Finally understanding the crux of my issue, Finn hurried to my rescue. “I’ll cover the cost, Tessa. I don’t mind. The broken window and the seatbelt are my fault anyway.”
A sardonic laugh escaped me, and I refused to look at him. He didn’t mind? That was great, but what about me? If I accepted his offer, I would once again be in debt to a man. Recalling how that worked out for me the last time, I wasn’t particularly eager to repeat the mistake.
Finn moved slowly toward me, and I forced myself to remain facing the pristine landscape. He stopped a couple feet away, his voice gentle as he murmured, “Tessa?”
Reluctantly, I turned to him. Something inside me screamed it was a mistake, but the exhaustion from hiding my emotions overpowered me, and I allowed him to see the despair that took root in my soul years before. After concealing everything that led to this moment for so long, I let him see the loneliness, the suffering, and the heartache that always followed me. I allowed him to see what no one else ever bothered to look for.
He studied my expression as he brought his large palm to cup the side of my face. The callouses of his skin pressed against my cheek while the heat from his palm seeped into my pores. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to relish in the temporary feeling of safety. Regardless of what his motivations were in the bathroom, I never questioned my safety with Finn.
“Sweetheart,” Finn rumbled, causing my eyes to pop open at the endearment. “Where were you really headed when you went in the ditch?”
God, was it possible this man saw through all my bullshit? I thought I was convincing when he asked before, but apparently, I was kidding myself. He hadn’t bought my lies for a single second; he was just gracious enough not to question why I refused to trust him with the truth.
I thought about everything he did for me over the last several days. Sure, he rescued me when he had no obligation to, but it went so far beyond that. He bandaged my wounds, cooked for me, sheltered me, but most of all, he made me feel like a real person. One who was deserving of good things in life. Of happiness. Maybe even one day of love.
He waited patiently while I debated in my head. Inhaling as deeply as my ribs would allow, I came to the only conclusion that seemed fair. He deserved to know the whole truth.
“I was looking for Absolution,” I confessed.
Confusion clouded Finn’s eyes as he studied me.
“I left L.A. late Friday night with the used car a friend was willing to part with and some cash.” A sense of calm washed over me while I allowed the words to spill from my lips. “I fled the apartment we shared with nothing but the clothes on my back and the few photographs I still have of my parents because he had a habit of putting trackers on my belongings. I knew for any shot at truly escaping him to succeed, I needed to leave everything behind.”
Finn’s eyes clouded over at my confession. I knew I should leave it at that, but the floodgates had opened, and the words tumbled out of my mouth.
“He spent the last four years controlling every aspect of my life. It started out as little things, claiming he was ‘looking out for me’.” I swallowed hard as the shame at how na?ve I was filled me.
“A few years ago, I went out to dinner with a friend. I left a note on the counter, but he still showed up at the restaurant and dragged me home. I couldn’t figure out how he found me, because I didn’t put the name of the restaurant on the note.”
“It turned out he’d been tracking my whereabouts via the GPS in my phone for a while. He was furious I hadn’t been home when he arrived. Of course, he said he was worried about me, but I figured out that was a lie. Once we walked through the door of his apartment, he started screaming at me.” My stare became unfocused as images from that night played before me like a movie.
“After that night, I seriously considered leaving, but I rationalized his behavior as concern for my safety.” I swallowed hard and forced the words past the lump in my throat. “It was shortly after that night when he hit me for the first time.”
“His fist came out of nowhere,” I said more to myself than to Finn. “All I knew was one moment I was standing, and the next I was lying on the floor, the left side of my face throbbing.”
“I should have left that night.” I scoffed at my admission. “Hell, I should have done a lot of things differently.”
My voice took on a monotone quality as I continued, “I had to call out of work for the next week until the mark he left on my face was able to be concealed with makeup. After that, he learned to hit me in places easily hidden by clothing. We existed like that for years, and with each negative comment, each physical blow, I lost another piece of myself.”
I gnawed on my lip and prepared to mentally relive my last night with Daniel. “The night before I ran…” I swallowed hard several times as the memory filled my senses. “He was rough with me. He didn’t actually hit me that night, but something inside me recognized that if I didn’t find a way to get out, he was going to kill me one day.” My voice broke, and I choked out the last two words.
Silence descended upon the room. I faintly registered Finn’s thumb moving back and forth across my cheek. His continued attempt at comfort broke me out of the trance I fell into as I recounted the condensed version of the last four years of my life.
“How did you get away?” Finn’s voice was hoarse when he spoke.
I blinked several times and focused on him. His breathing had grown harsh at some point, his eyes sparking with a fury that would have terrified me on any other man.
“I told him I wasn’t feeling well and needed to stay home from the charity event we were scheduled to attend. A friend of mine suspected what was going on for a long time and offered to help me get out if I ever decided it was what I wanted. She escaped a similar situation, so she understood. When I showed up on her doorstep, she dragged me inside, gave me the cash from her own go bag, and the keys to her grandmother’s old car.” My watery laugh echoed around the room when I remembered what she said about the car. “She told me it wasn’t anything special to look at, but it would take me wherever I needed to go.” I rolled my eyes. “As if I cared what the car looked like as long as it got me away from him.”
“Knowing who my ex was, she understood how important it was that I be long gone by the time he discovered I left. She told me to find someplace he could never find me.”
I met Finn’s gaze, preparing to confess the real reason I ended up in the middle of nowhere that night. “The story I told you about my parents,” I paused, waiting for him to recall our conversation that second night. He gave a small nod as he encouraged me to continue. “The part I left out was that Absolution was where we used to go camping. When I was staring at the map trying to figure out where I could start over, a memory of our time here hit me. I figured the source of so many happy memories with my parents was as good a place to start over as any.”
At some point during my confession, Finn moved in closer, and his other hand found its way to my opposite cheek. He held my face between both of his hands while the ashes of my story settled around us.
“He will never find you,” Finn growled. Startled by the ferocity of his words, I studied his expression. “Stay.”
My eyes narrowed as I attempted to understand what he was saying. Stay in Montana? Stay in Absolution? Surely he didn’t mean stay here with him.
Seeing the confusion in my eyes, he clarified, “Stay here with me, Tessa.” My eyes widened at his words.
“I promise you, Tessa, I can keep you safe.” Seeing the doubt in my expression, he rushed to continue. “Have you ever heard of the Navy SEALs?”
I racked my brain and tried to recall where I’d heard that term. “Sure, they were the ones who eventually got Bin Laden, right?”
Finn nodded before clearing his throat. “I told you the other night I served in the Navy. What I didn’t mention was that I spent the better part of a decade in the SEALs.”
My lips parted at his confession before he continued, “So when I tell you I can keep you safe, you can take that to the goddamn bank. I also happen to own my own private security company, which means I have access to just about any resource I could ever need when it comes to defending myself, my property, or others. It also means I know how to keep someone off the grid.”
He closed the remaining distance between us. “Tessa, stay here with me. I can protect you,” he repeated. “I have no problem covering the cost of the repairs to your car, but if it would make you feel better, we can get you a job somewhere in town under the table. You’d get paid in cash so there would be no paper trail. I know you’re worried about him tracking you down, but if you want to press charges, I have friends in law enforcement we can talk to. That’s your call, though. In the meantime, my company and I can work on freeing you from your ex so you never have to worry about that asshole again.”
It sounded too good to be true, but as I stared up at him and saw the ferocity with which he meant it, I seriously considered his offer. After all, if he could do what he claimed, I would be stupid not to take him up on it, right?
The last fifteen years of my life flashed before my eyes as I recalled person after person letting me down, leaving me behind, or forgetting about me. The universal truth I came to learn was that nobody cared. All they wanted was whatever I could offer them, whether it was a monthly stipend from the government, a good grade on a test, or to be their punching bag. But when I looked at Finn, I was overcome with this feeling that perhaps there was one person out there who didn’t see me only for what they could take from me. After all, I was broke and homeless. What could Finn possibly want from me ?
Finn continued to hold me close while I considered all my options. No matter which way I looked at it, my best chance at survival was to stay with Finn. I could get a job like he mentioned and pay him rent while I saved up for the repairs on my car. I didn’t have a ton of skills, but I spent several years waitressing before I met Daniel. It wouldn’t allow me to pay for the repairs quickly, but it would buy me time to figure out what my next move would be while I saved.
As I looked at the man who had already rescued me in so many ways, a small broken piece of my soul fused back together at the knowledge he was willing to fight for me. I squared my shoulders and uttered the words that would forever change my life.
“Okay, Finn. I’ll stay. For now.”