Remorse and Silent Apologies
The quiet hum of the house was the only sound as Adrian carefully lifted Celeste into her bed.
Her body, limp and warm from the alcohol, slumped against him, completely unaware of his movements.
He gently pulled back the covers, settling her beneath them as softly as he could.
His fingers, trembling slightly, brushed a strand of hair from her face, and for a moment, he simply watched her.
She looked peaceful now, something Adrian hadn't seen in years.
The tension that usually marred her features was gone, replaced by a calm that made her appear almost like a stranger.
He wanted to reach out and touch her, to wake her, but he knew that wasn't what she needed.
Celeste had been drowning her sorrows tonight, and Adrian couldn't help but feel responsible. There had been so many chances to make things right between them, so many things left unsaid.
He let out a slow breath and grabbed the makeup wipes on the bedside table. As he gently wiped her face, he could almost imagine her complaining the next morning, scolding him for making her sleep with makeup on. She hated that. He knew that.
The makeup wiped away easily, but the guilt, the weight of it, lingered in the room with him, suffocating him with every movement.
Next, he grabbed a cool wet towel and wiped down her arms, her neck, and her face—anything to make her feel just a little more refreshed.
As he worked, his gaze lingered on her face.
She looked so fragile, so vulnerable. In this moment, she was his.
And yet, it seemed like all Adrian had ever done was push her away.
When he was finished, he pulled a soft, familiar pair of pajamas from her drawer and dressed her carefully.
It was a routine he never thought he'd perform, yet here he was, doing what she used to do for herself when they were still happy.
Her breathing was steady now, slow and deep, but Adrian couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong.
He sat at the edge of the bed, looking down at her once more. His hand hovered near hers, but he didn't dare to touch her. He knew she wouldn't want him to.
A fragile sigh escaped him, and his voice broke the silence, though it was clear Celeste couldn't hear him. He spoke more to himself than to her.
"How did we end up like this, Celeste?" he whispered, the words heavy with regret. "How did I let it get this far?"
The silence swallowed his voice, but his eyes remained fixed on her, as if he could somehow change the past by staring at her.
His gaze softened as he spoke again, almost as if confessing to a stranger. "I never thought I'd be here, trying to make things right when it feels like it's already too late."
Adrian's voice cracked, and he swallowed thickly, blinking back the tears that had started to gather at the corners of his eyes. He didn't dare let them fall. Not in front of her.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice barely a breath. "I'm sorry for everything. For not being the husband you deserved. For ignoring you, for letting you feel like I didn't care."
His fingers tightened on the edge of the bed as he leaned closer. "You were always so good to me, Celeste. I didn't see it. I didn't see how much you were hurting. I didn't realize how far you'd fallen until you were already too far gone."
His chest tightened, and his hand pressed over his heart, like it might stop the aching.
"I was never good enough for you. That's what I thought.
And when I saw how you tried to hide it—how you acted to be the perfect wife—my guilt ate at me.
I should've done something. I should've stopped pretending that I didn't love you. "
Adrian's breath caught in his throat as he leaned back in the chair beside her, his thoughts drifting to the past. He could see the way her eyes had sparkled when they first got married, the hope, the excitement. He could see the way it all faded, like sand slipping through his fingers.
"I should've taken care of you, Celeste." he whispered, his voice shaking with the weight of his confession. "I should've known. I should've been the one to protect you from all of this."
He closed his eyes, the memories flooding in.
"When I found out about your grandfather's plan.
.. when he tried to force you into that marriage with Jonathan Morris.
.. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stand the thought of you being trapped in that life.
So, I offered myself. I offered my family's name, my everything, just to protect you.
" His hands balled into fists. "I thought it would be the only way to keep you safe.
To give you a choice. But I didn't realize.
.. I didn't realize how much I'd hurt you by doing it. "
His heart ached as he recalled the pain in her eyes when she learned the truth. How could she not have known? How could she have thought he did it out of pity, when all he wanted was to save her?
"Your grandpa refused at first," Adrian said bitterly, staring at the floor as if the memory could still hurt him.
"He told me I didn't deserve you. He said Lancaster was far wealthier than Sinclair.
He told me I was nothing compared to Jonathan, that I couldn't give you what you needed.
But I begged him. I begged him, Celeste.
I begged him to let me marry you, thinking I was giving you a choice, a chance at freedom. But instead, I became your prison."
His fingers tightened around the edge of the bed, his gaze never leaving her. "But when I did that... I didn't realize... I didn't realize that I was only making it worse for you."
The silence in the room was suffocating, but Adrian couldn't stop. "I was afraid, Celeste. I was afraid that you'd hate me. That you'd hate me for taking your choice away from you. I thought that you'd resent me for marrying you when you love someone else"
His voice broke, and the tears he'd been holding back finally slipped down his face, silently staining his cheeks.
"I wanted you to be happy, but I was too afraid of being vulnerable.
Too afraid of you leaving me when you found out that I wasn't the man you thought I was.
I wanted to be better, to prove myself worthy of you.
But in the end, I only pushed you further away. "
He leaned forward, his face close to hers now, almost desperate. "You deserved the best, Celeste. But I kept my distance, fearing you'd never truly love me once you knew I was the one who trapped you in this marriage. And now... now it's too late."
His voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm so lost, Celeste. And now, I don't even know if you'll ever forgive me."
Adrian wiped his eyes quickly, staring down at her, his heart breaking all over again.
He stood there for a moment, the weight of everything crashing down on him. With a heavy sigh, he climbed into the bed beside her. The mattress shifted as he lay down, his body stiff, as if he was trying not to disturb her.
They hadn't shared a bed in so long. Their separate rooms had become a metaphor for the distance between them. But tonight... tonight he couldn't stand the thought of being apart from her. Even if she never spoke to him again, he just needed to be close.
And so, he slid into the bed beside her, pulling her close into his arms, his heart heavy with unspoken words.
He nestled his face against her hair, letting the warmth of her presence soothe the ache inside him.
As he breathed in the scent of her, he held her gently, not wanting to let go, even though he knew the distance between them had already grown too wide.