Chapter 4 #2
I didn’t see her much outside of school, though.
My life was far too chaotic for that. At the start, she used to ask if she could come over, all excited and nosy in the way she always was.
And every time, I made an excuse. Homework.
Family stuff. Not feeling well. Anything to keep her away from the house.
I didn’t want her asking questions. I didn’t want her seeing things she couldn’t unsee. I didn’t want her meeting Connor.
Eventually, she stopped asking. Not because she didn’t care - but because she understood.
Everyone knew who my brother was. Everyone knew what he did. What he was capable of. And even though she never said it out loud, I think she put the pieces together. She knew something was up. She knew my life wasn’t like hers.
But she didn’t push. She never pushed.
And I loved her for that.
With Rach, I felt… normal. Like I wasn’t the kid from the messed-up house. Like I wasn’t Connor’s shadow. Like I wasn’t constantly waiting for something to go wrong.
As I walked toward History, eyes glued to my worn trainers, I felt that familiar heaviness settle in my chest again.
Most days, I kept my head down - worked hard, tried to get good grades, tried to get out.
I didn’t need more friends. I didn’t need more drama.
I had enough of that at home to last me a lifetime.
Usually, on the first day back, I’d slip into the nearest empty seat and hope no one noticed me. But today was different.
When I walked in, the whole class was lined up against the back wall, arms crossed, faces twisted in annoyance. The teacher stood at the front, clipboard in hand, looking like she’d been waiting her whole career for this moment.
“Those of you who didn’t have me last year, I’m Miss King,” she said, placing her folder on the desk with a soft thud as she scanned the room.
“Those of you who do, I’ve decided to run my classes a little differently this year.” She clasped her hands together, ginger hair swaying at her shoulders, pacing slowly in front of the whiteboard.
“I’ve put together a seating plan based on your grades and abilities.” She lifted a stack of papers, tapping them against the desk to straighten them before beginning to read out names.
A ripple of groans moved through the class. Chairs scraped. Someone muttered under their breath. Miss King didn’t flinch - she just raised an eyebrow, the kind that shut everyone up without her saying another word.
She started reading names.
“Hayden and Caleb, up at the front, please.”
The two boys - one from science club, one from football - slumped into their seats like they’d been sentenced. I knew exactly what this was going to be: mix the smart kids with the loud ones, the quiet ones with the chaotic ones. A social experiment disguised as education.
“Emily and Josh. Courtney and Violet. Then Kai and Alex.”
My stomach dropped.
I didn’t hear the rest of the names because Kai’s eyes were already on me - the same way they’d been at Callum’s party. Sharp and focused. Like he was trying to figure me out.
And I didn’t know what to do with that feeling.
I’d met guys like him before. Guys that would call me a faggot under their breath, that would make my life a living hell if they didn’t know who my brother was, guys that only knew how to talk about pussy and tits, things that I weren’t at all acquainted with.
I tore my gaze away and walked to the desk, placing my rucksack on the back of the chair before sitting down. My hands felt too warm. My chest too tight. I could feel him beside me before he even moved.
I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready for him .
But Miss King didn’t care about that. And neither did the universe, apparently.
“Hi,” he said, giving me a small smile. His green eyes locked onto mine like he’d been waiting for me to look up.
“Hi,” I replied quickly, then looked away before my face could betray anything.
A moment passed. Then-
“You’re Alex, right?”
I looked at him shocked for a second, then nodded.
He opened his mouth to say something else, but I cut him off. “Look, you don’t have to… do this.” I gestured between us.
“Do what?” he asked, half laughing, half confused.
“Talk to me just because we’ve been stuck next to each other. It’s fine. You don’t have to force it.”
He tilted his head, studying me. “Are you always this uptight?”
My cheeks warmed instantly. His blond hair caught the sunlight through the window, making him look annoyingly golden.
“I’m not trying to be rude,” I said. “I’m just saying… if you don’t want to talk, I’m okay with that.”
“What if I do want to talk?” he said, still watching me. “Is that allowed?”
I swallowed. “I guess.”
A hand landed on Kai’s shoulder, breaking his eye contact with me. Thank God.
It was his friend Callum - the same guy I’d dealt to at the bonfire - leaning over the back of Kai’s chair.
“At least we’re close,” Callum said, grinning.
“God, Miss couldn’t have put you on the other side of the room?” Kai joked, batting his hand away.
“Don’t act like you don’t love it,” Callum shot back.
“Just when I thought I’d get some peace and quiet,” Kai said, leaning back in his chair with a dramatic sigh.
“This isn’t a fucking spa,” Callum muttered.
“Don’t I bloody know it,” Kai replied, smirking.
Callum squeezed Kai’s shoulders like he was giving him a massage. Kai practically jumped out of his skin.
“Fuck off,” he said, jerking away.
“I’ll give you a massage, Kai,” Jessica chimed in from a few desks over.
“I bet you would,” Callum laughed, face going red as he cracked himself up. “And she’d give you a happy ending too.” He laughed harder.
Kai shook his head, amused. “I’m good, Jess. You can keep those hands to yourself.”
“Good call, Cap, you don’t know where those hands have been.” Josh chimed from the front of the room, and I couldn’t help the small smile that threaded my lips.
Jessica gasped, half offended, half flattered, her high brunette ponytail cinched tightly.
“I’ll take a massage,” Callum said, winking at her.
“In your dreams,” she shot back, rolling her big blue eyes.
The whole exchange was loud, chaotic, and somehow effortless.
And sitting next to Kai, I suddenly felt… visible.
Not because of me - because of him. People looked at him like he was the sun. The girls stared at him dreamily. The guys looked at him like they wanted to be him.
And I got it.
He was attractive - painfully so. But he was also trouble. Being seen was trouble.
And I didn’t need trouble.
I needed to stay invisible. Keep my head down. Get out.
I could ignore the way his blond curls fell lazily across his forehead, the way his dark eyebrows framed those sharp green eyes, the way a dimple appeared when he smirked, the faint stubble along his jaw.
I had to.
I took a deep breath and forced my thoughts back into place.
I couldn’t afford to get distracted. Not by him. Not by anyone.
Kai caught my eyes again, like he could read every thought I was trying to bury. His brows pulled together slightly, curious. I looked away fast, then a hand clamped down on my shoulder, and I flinched before I could stop myself.
“If it isn’t Connor Taylor’s brother,” Callum said behind me, voice low but not low enough. “Good doing business with you.” He winked. “That stuff was like rocket fuel!” He chimed far to loudly.
My stomach dropped. Heat crawled up my neck. I wanted to sink straight through the floor.
I shushed him immediately, panic tightening my voice. “Don’t talk about that here,” I muttered, barely moving my lips. “Please.”
Callum raised his hands like I’d overreacted. “Alright, alright. Chill.”
“Callum Cooper,” Miss King snapped from the front, straightening the hem of her baby pink cardigan. “Am I going to have to move you already?”
“No, Miss,” Callum said, leaning back in his chair like he’d been caught doing something hilarious instead of stupid. “I was just giving Alex a pen. Isn’t that right, Alex?” He raised his eyebrows at me, daring me not to contradict him.
My throat tightened. “Um… yeah. Thank you,” I said, forcing a weak smile and waving my pen her way.
Miss King gave us a long, suspicious look before turning back to her clipboard.
As soon as her attention shifted, I let out a slow breath I didn’t realise I’d been holding. My shoulders dropped a little.
Kai didn’t say anything, but I could feel him looking at me again - not in a mocking way, not like Callum. More like he was trying to figure me out again. And I hated it.
I kept my eyes on the desk.
The last thing I needed was someone like him paying attention to someone like me.
“Right,” Miss King said, clapping her hands once. “Now that you’re all settled, I can explain this term’s assignment-”
The class groaned like it was rehearsed.
“It will be worth thirty percent of your grade this year,” she continued, unfazed.
“So take it seriously. In year eleven, you should have covered World War I, more specifically, the Black Hand Gang and the assassination of Franz Ferdinand. To start this term, we’ll be moving on to World War II - specifically the causes and early tensions. ”
A few more groans.
“I’ll be setting weekly tasks for you and your partners.
These will require you to meet outside of class - library, after school, free period, wherever.
I don’t care where you work, as long as you do the work.
” Her brown eyes made a couple of poignant glances at students, as if she already knew the ones she had to keep an eye on.
“By the end of term, you’ll hand in a full booklet.
Format is up to you - PowerPoint, Word document, handwritten - just make sure it’s complete. ”
She scanned the room again, her eyes looking over her square glasses. “Does everyone understand?”
“Yes, Miss,” the class echoed.
I didn’t say anything. My stomach had dropped somewhere around meet outside of class . All I could think about was how I was supposed to spend one-on-one time with Kai. In class was bad enough. Now I have to meet him outside of school too.
A nudge hit my shoulder.
Kai leaned slightly toward me, voice low, a small smile tugging at his mouth. “Guess we’re going to have to talk to each other after all.”
I managed to force a small smile even though my heart was racing.
Of course we were. And that was exactly the problem.
Miss King started droning on about deadlines and expectations, but her voice faded into background noise. All I could hear was the thud of my own pulse and the scratch of Kai’s pen as he spun it between his fingers like he wasn’t even trying.
I kept my eyes glued to the worksheet she’d handed out, pretending to read it.
But then Kai shifted in his seat, just slightly, and I felt it - the awareness of him, the way he seemed to take up more space than the chair allowed. He leaned forward, elbows on the desk, and I caught the faint scent of his aftershave. Something clean. Sharp. Completely distracting.
I swallowed hard.
This was exactly why I kept my head down. Why I didn’t get close to people. Why I didn’t let anyone into my life if I could help it.
Because people like Kai… People who were loud and confident and magnetic… People who drew attention without even trying…
They were dangerous to someone like me.
Not in the way Connor was dangerous.
In a different way. A way that worried me.
Because for so long I’d built walls around myself - patched every crack, sealed every gap - making sure no one could see in. And now I was partnered with the most popular guy in school. The one everyone watched, the one people gravitated toward like moths to a flame.
The guy others tried to imitate, studying him like they could bottle whatever made him shine and use it for themselves.
And I couldn’t afford their narrowing stares. I couldn’t afford those bricks turning transparent. Not when my safety depended on staying hidden.