Chapter 23
ALEX
The knot in my stomach tightened as I stared at the clock at the front of the English class.
Ten past three.
Miss Tegan was talking about some Shakespearean play, her voice drifting somewhere above my head, but all the words blurred into background noise. I couldn’t focus on anything except that meeting.
The one happening in less than fifteen minutes.
I felt sick.
Actually physically sick.
When the bell finally rang, I stayed in my seat for a moment, gripping the edge of the desk and trying to gather my thoughts, or at least pretend I had some control over them.
“Everything okay?” Miss Tegan asked gently.
She stood beside my desk in a bright yellow jumper and blue jeans, her braids wrapped into a neat bun on top of her head.
She always looked put together. Calm. The opposite of how I felt.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said quickly, pushing myself to my feet. “I’ll see you next week.”
“Have a lovely weekend.” She gave me a warm smile as I slipped past her and out of the room. But I couldn’t think about the weekend. Not with the meeting hanging so heavily over my head.
I checked my phone for the time.
I was supposed to meet Mum outside in two minutes.
Gripping the strap of my bag, I walked as quickly as I could toward the front of the school, hoping she hadn’t arrived yet. I needed a moment with her first - needed to know what state she was in before we walked into that room together.
Then my phone rang, her name lighting up the screen, and with it, my stomach dropped.
“Alright, Mum? Are you here?” I asked, chewing on my lips.
“Yeah, love, I’ve just parked up, shall I come and meet you or-”
“No, stay where you are. I’m coming to get you.” I said quickly, hanging up the phone before she could say anything else.
I practically pushed my way through the sea of students spilling out of classrooms, the noise buzzing around me like static.
When the fresh air finally hit my face, I let out a breath of relief.
And there it was - Mum’s old Volvo parked crookedly in the school car park.
She was leaning against it, smoking a cigarette, one foot crossed over the other. Her makeup was done - not too heavy this time - and her hair was straightened. She’d clearly made an effort for this meeting, which eased something tight in my chest.
She wore low-rise leopard print leggings and heeled boots, and a black vest top that dipped a little lower than I’d have liked, her stomach peeking out when she shifted. But she had on an oversized leather jacket, and if she kept it closed, it would hide most of that.
Honestly, for me, this was a win.
A big one.
When she saw me, she smiled, stamped out her cigarette, and walked toward me.
“Right, let’s get this over with, shall we?” she said, clapping her hands together. Her words slurred just slightly, enough to make my stomach sink. I stopped her right there in the car park.
“You’re not drunk, are you?” I whispered, holding her close.
“No, I’m not drunk.” She rolled her eyes. But I could tell she was. Not out-of-control, but definitely not sober.
“Mum, this is my future we’re talking about,” I said, my voice low, my eyes pleading with her.
She was jittery, glancing around like she couldn’t settle. “I know that, love.”
“You clearly don’t, or you wouldn’t have turned up drunk,” I whispered sharply.
She crossed her arms. “Look, I had to.” Her tone sharpened.
“It was just one glass” - more like two, I thought - “because I couldn’t think straight.
And you wanna know why I couldn’t think straight?
Because of the little stunt you pulled yesterday!
” She jabbed a finger at me. “You brought this on yourself when you laid into that teacher of yours, so don’t you dare go thinking this is my fault.
I’m here, aren’t I? You’re lucky I didn’t bring your brother. ”
“Why would you have brought Connor?” My voice tightened.
“He said he wanted to come. And I told him no.” She folded her arms again, chin lifting.
“Why would he want to come?” My heart skipped at the mention of his name.
She shrugged. “Beats me. I don’t know why that boy does half the things he does. Now, can we just get in there already?” Her brown eyes searched mine, and she reached up to stroke my cheek.
I nodded. She smiled, looping her arm through mine like everything was perfectly normal. “Now let’s see what they have to say about my smart boy.”
“Promise you won’t… have a go at them or anything? Like, if they say something bad about me, you’re not going to overdo it?” I said warily.
“Overdo it?” she repeated, eyebrows lifting. “When do I ever ‘overdo it’?”
All the time .
Everything with her was always dialled up too high.
Every emotion that most people felt in small waves hit her like a storm.
She didn’t just get sad - she disappeared into her room for days with nothing but alcohol and nicotine to keep her going.
And when she was happy, it wasn’t just smiles; it was dancing around the living room at three in the morning, staying awake for days, buzzing with energy that never seemed to run out.
In class, we’d learned about a lot of mental health disorders, and more than a few symptoms reminded me of Mum.
I’d tried talking to her about it once, but she brushed it off immediately.
Said she was ‘ just an empath. ’ I don’t know why I expected anything else.
You couldn’t drag her to a doctor even if she were dying.
“Just try not to talk much,” I said, hoping that she would get the idea.
As we walked out of the car park and up toward reception, Kai and Callum were coming out of the building, talking about God knows what, duffle bags on their shoulders.
My stomach flipped. I didn’t know where to look.
He’d left so quickly earlier. I didn’t know if we were still friends or if I’d ruined it somehow.
But then he smiled at me, and something inside me settled.
“Hi,” he said, threading his fingers through his hair.
“Alright, Alex,” Callum added with a nod.
“Alright,” I muttered back, trying to keep walking, but Mum tugged on my arm.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?” she said, batting her eyelashes in that way she always did around men.
“Uh… yeah. This is Kai and Callum,” I said stiffly. “This is my mum.” I gestured to her weakly, bracing for their judgement.
“You can call me Erin,” she beamed, holding her hand out to Kai.
“Nice to meet you, Erin,” Kai said, shaking it politely.
“Wow, you’ve got a grip on you, haven’t you?” she teased, flicking her hair. “Someone works out.” Her hand immediately moved to his bicep.
“Mum,” I warned under my breath. Kai caught my eye and must have seen the embarrassment on my face.
“That’s a good eye, you got there, Erin.” Callum mused. “There isn’t a day that he doesn’t work out.” He patted Kai on the chest, a stupid grin on his face.
“I can tell.” She raised her eyebrows. “Come on then, let’s see your grip now.” She held her hand out to Callum, and I wanted the ground to swallow me up.
“That’s a strong grip, too.” She commented, her eyes roaming up and down Callum’s body. “You didn’t tell me you had such strong friends.” She stumbled a little, and my pulse spiked.
“Mum,” I said again, heat crawling up my neck. “Come on. We’re gonna be late.” I tugged at her jacket, but she shook me off. Kai shot me a look - not rude, just unsure. Like he didn’t know what to make of her.
“Don’t be rude, Alex?” she said, glancing at me. “I’m just being friendly, that’s all.” Her eyes moved back to Callum. “I know you, don’t I?” she said, squinting up at him.
He shifted in his stance. “You’re probably confusing me for my brother. He and Connor were friends in school.”
“Oh, that’s right,” she said, her expression softening as she searched her memory. “What was his name?” She said as if thinking to herself.
“Ryan.” He added.
“Yes, little Ryan. You look just like him. God, he must be what, twenty-six now.” She said, getting closer to them again.
“Twenty-five. His birthday’s coming up.” Callum said, nodding, hands in his pockets. Though he looked like he wasn’t sure whether to step towards her or away.
“Bless, he was always such a sweetie, that one. Don’t know how he put up with our Connor.” My heart sank at the sound of his name.
What was even happening?
Why was my mum talking to them?
She always did this. Whenever there were boys or men around, she switched into this version of herself I hated watching.
“Yeah, I think they got into it a few times,” Callum said, scratching the back of his head.
“That sounds like Connor,” she replied, with a proud smirk. “Thinks he can solve the world’s problems with his fists. I’m glad Alex isn’t like that.” She slung an arm around my shoulders, but I shrugged it off, checking my watch.
We were supposed to be in there five minutes ago.
“Mum, come on, we’re late.” I pleaded, my frustration taking root.
“One sec.” She said it in that tone - the one that made it sound like I was the embarrassing one - and rolled her eyes. “You boys like to party?”
I exhaled through my nose. Just when I thought this couldn’t get any worse.
“Yeah,” Callum said, straightening. “I suppose we like a drink or two from time to time.”
“Just drink?” She let the question drift out, and I wanted to shake her.
“Depends what’s on offer.” Callum perked up, eyebrows raising.
“You should come round. I’ll get Connor to set you up with something,” she said brightly, then looked at me. “Alex, honey, shouldn’t they come round sometime?”
No. Never. Not in a million years .
“Yeah, maybe, Mum,” I muttered.
“Sure,” Kai said with a small shrug and Callum nodded.
No. No. No. No.
“We’ll plan something,” Callum added, gripping the strap of his duffel bag a little tighter.
“Alright then. See you boys, later.” She winked at them before finally stepping away.
I didn’t know what I expected the first time Kai met my mum to be like - if I ever even thought he would - but it definitely wasn’t that . I don’t think it could’ve gone worse if I’d tried.
She was a loose cannon around men. Completely lost her head in ways that were… dangerous. I didn’t know why she was like that. But she was. And she had been for as long as I could remember.
“They seem nice.” She said all casually as we walked into reception.
As if she hadn’t just embarrassed the living hell out of me.