Chapter 37
ALEX
Standing in Kai’s room after he noticed the scars on my arm was humiliating, and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. Because for a moment - just a moment - I’d felt normal. Like a normal teenager, doing normal things. Laughing. Playing games. Having a friend.
But then my reality had crept back in. Again.
My shitty upbringing always found a way to ruin things.
The universe was punishing me. It seemed to enjoy that. Like it had a personal vendetta. I had been stupid to think I could be normal for even one second, to act like I was whole when in fact I was broken.
Kai had made me forget myself for a minute.
Just a minute.
Wrapped up in the game, in a house that felt safe, in clothes that didn’t smell like stale smoke or cheap detergent, I’d let my guard slip. I’d let myself relax. I’d let myself believe I could blend in here, in this room that wasn’t mine, in a life that wasn’t mine.
And because of that, I didn’t keep an eye on my sleeve when it dropped.
How could I have been so stupid?
The humiliation burned hot under my skin. Not because he’d seen - but because of what it meant. Because it reminded me that I wasn’t like him. I wasn’t someone who could just exist without worrying about what might show, what might slip, what might give me away.
Thankfully, Kai eventually dropped it, but I knew something had shifted between us. Something dangerous. The way his eyes lingered on me a moment too long, or the crease that now seemed to be a permanent fixture on his brow.
It made me nervous.
Because if he started asking questions… if he started sniffing around… my whole world could flip upside down.
A small part of me - the stupid part - wanted to tell him. Wanted to see what he’d do if I said it out loud.
My brother beats me up sometimes.
Maybe if I said it casually enough, he wouldn’t think much of it. Mum never did. She always brushed it off as boys being boys, roughhousing, normal sibling stuff.
But I knew it wasn’t normal. I didn’t know anyone else whose brother laid into them the way mine did.
Still… I couldn’t tell Kai. Connor had drilled that into me for years.
Don’t go telling our business. Keep your mouth shut. You say anything, and you’ll regret it.
His voice echoed in my head even now, even here, in a room that smelled like fabric softener and safety.
I glanced at Kai out of the corner of my eye. He was pretending to focus on the game again, but I could feel it - the shift. The concern he was trying to hide. The way he kept checking on me without making it obvious.
In fact, I was relieved when his mum called up the stairs that dinner was ready a couple of minutes later. I could finally have his attention off me for a moment. The sound of her voice felt like a lifeline, something to grab onto before I drowned in the weight of his concern.
I got up so fast the controller nearly slipped out of my hand, and I headed straight for the door. I didn’t want to look at him, but I did anyway - because of course I did - and found his eyes already on me.
“You coming?” I asked, trying to sound normal, casual, anything but what I actually felt.
He nodded with a quiet sigh and pushed himself up from the bed, following me out into the hallway.