Chapter 50
KAI
A week passed.
A whole week of sleeping fitfully, waking up tangled in sheets and thoughts I didn’t want to have. A whole week of thinking about Alex, dreaming about him, replaying that phone call until the words felt carved into me.
Even though I’d never felt further away from him, my mind clung to the idea of him like it didn’t know how to let go.
It was Friday now, and I still hadn’t seen him in school. Not once. Not even a glimpse. Every empty seat, every quiet corner, every hallway he wasn’t in made the knot in my stomach pull tighter.
He’d told me to stop texting and calling him. There’d been something in his voice when he said it - something final, something that made my chest go cold.
So I held back.
I didn’t text him. Didn’t call.
Well… I called once. Just once.
And it went straight to voicemail.
Hearing his recorded voice instead of his real one made something in me sink. I hung up before the beep, like even leaving a message would be crossing a line he’d drawn.
But the silence didn’t feel like a line. It felt like a wall.
And every day that passed, that wall got higher.
Why had he pushed me away again?
I hadn’t asked any more questions. I hadn’t pried. I hadn’t tried to peel back wounds he clearly wanted to keep closed. I’d done everything right - or at least everything I thought he wanted - and still, he’d shut me out.
A harsh truth kept creeping up my spine, cold and unwelcome.
Maybe he just didn’t like me. Maybe these confusing feelings - whatever they were - were one-sided. Maybe I’d built something in my head that he’d never felt at all.
Maybe I was just a burden to him.
We were different. Completely different. And maybe I’d wrapped myself up in him so tightly I hadn’t noticed he’d been trying to untangle himself from me the whole time.
I didn’t know why it hurt so much.
I didn’t know why it felt like something inside me was bruising every time I thought about him.
I didn’t know why the idea of him not wanting me in his life made my ribs squeeze.
All I knew was that the distance he’d put between us felt sharper than it should have.
Sharper than it had any right to be.
And I hated that it mattered this much.
I got through the day, dreading the sound the last bell made, because it meant that now I wouldn’t see Alex until Monday… And even then, he might not show up.
That’s when I saw her.
Rachel.
Standing at her locker, pulling out her books and stuffing them into her black bag. Her hair was tied up in an extremely high ponytail, which swayed just above her waist.
Was this overstepping?
Yeah. Probably.
But she was his best friend. She’d know something. She had to.
If Alex was okay.
If he were sick.
If he was avoiding me.
If he just… didn’t like me.
The thought made something sharp twist in my stomach.
Before I knew it, I was standing by her locker, my shoulder leaning against it.
“Hi,” I said before I had the chance to chicken out. “Rachel, was it?”
She stared at me for a second, blinking like she wasn’t sure I was real. “Uh… hi,” she replied, forcing a smile. “What’s up?”
“I just…” I swallowed, trying to hide the worry in my voice. “Wondered if you’d spoken to Alex recently. He hasn’t been in all week.” I scratched the back of my neck, trying not to sound as desperate as I felt for answers.
“Oh, yeah, I’ve spoken to him.” She flicked her ponytail over her shoulder. “He said he’s sick.”
“Yeah, I mean, he said the same to me,” I muttered, trying not to look like the complete weirdo I felt like. “I’m… just a little worried about him.” I sucked in a breath, and she sighed.
“Look, he does this,” she said, closing her locker with a soft click and brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Disappears for a few days and then comes back. I wouldn’t worry about it.”
The way she said it - casual, like it should be easy - made something curl in my chest. Easy for her. Easy for anyone who wasn’t me. I swallowed hard, trying to keep my face neutral, but the worry was already rising, thick and heavy.
But I was worried.
So worried it felt like I was drowning, like every breath was just a little too shallow.
“What about everything with his brother? Has he told you anything?” I asked, stepping a little closer without meaning to.
Her eyes drifted away from mine, fixing on some point over my shoulder. “He wouldn’t want me to talk to you about this,” she said, shifting her weight like she wanted the floor to swallow her.
My heart thudded, a sharp, uncomfortable beat. “Why? Has he said something?” I pushed, my voice thinner than I wanted.
“If there’s anything he wanted you to know,” she said gently, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “I’m sure he would’ve told you already.”
That hit harder than I expected.
It landed low, like a punch I hadn’t braced for.
“Please,” I said quietly, my fingers curling around the strap of my bag, “just ease my mind. Tell me there’s no reason I should be worried.”
She didn’t answer.
She just sighed - a long, tired sound - and adjusted her bag strap before taking a step back.
“Bye, Kai,” she said, turning away and walking down the corridor, her footsteps quickening like she couldn’t get away fast enough.
But she didn’t say I shouldn’t be worried.
In fact, she didn’t say much at all.
And somehow that silence hit harder than anything she could’ve said. I stood there for a second, thrown off, like the floor had shifted under me.
I thought I was worried before, but somehow, now that feeling was more - a slow, sinking feeling spreading through my chest, heavy enough to make it hard to breathe.