Chapter 65
ALEX
Kai was calling me.
For a second, I just stared at the screen, the cracks splitting his name into broken colours. The phone buzzed again, rattling weakly against my palm, each vibration sending a dull ache through my ribs.
My whole body felt too heavy and too light at the same time.
I shouldn’t answer. I knew that. My voice was a mess, my breathing worse, and if Connor heard-
Another buzz. Another shudder through my hand.
I swallowed hard, throat burning. I didn’t want him to worry. Didn’t want him to think I was ignoring him. Didn’t want him to stop calling.
My thumb hovered over the cracked green circle.
Just answer. Just… answer.
I pressed it before I could stop myself.
The phone clicked, the line opening with a faint hiss. I lifted it to my ear, breath shaking, chest tight.
“Hello?” His voice came through.
For a moment, I couldn’t speak.
Couldn’t get anything out. Could barely breathe.
“Kai…” I whispered, the word barely there.
“Alex, thank god,” Kai said in what sounded like a breath he’d been holding for too long. “I was worried.”
I cleared my throat. It scraped on the way out, thin and rough. “Sorry. I- I’m here.”
I shifted upright a little, biting back a wince as my ribs flared, pressing my hand over them automatically, trying to steady my breathing, keep it shallow, quiet, normal.
“You okay?” Kai asked, his voice softer than I expected. Almost careful. Like he already knew the answer.
My pulse rose. I couldn’t let him hear it. Couldn’t let him know.
“Yeah,” I said quickly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… tired.”
The lie scraped on the way out, catching on the raw edges of my throat, and I forced a small breath, hoping it sounded normal.
“Sorry I didn’t text,” I added, my fingers tracing the cracked screen. “Phone’s being weird.”
Another lie. Another tiny fracture inside me.
I shifted again, trying to sit straighter, trying to sound like someone who wasn’t shaking, who wasn’t hurting, who wasn’t sitting on the floor with tears drying on his face.
“You sure?” Kai asked, voice low, cautious. He didn’t push. He didn’t accuse. He just… listened.
“Yeah,” I muttered, letting out a shaky breath before I could stop it.
“You sound like you’ve been crying,” Kai said with concern.
My stomach dropped. I gripped the phone tighter, fingers trembling.
“Kai, I’m okay,” I said again, softer. “Just hay fever.”
Silence. Not long - but long enough.
Long enough for me to know he didn’t believe a word of it.
When he spoke again, his voice was different. Lower. Steadier. The kind of voice he used when he’d already made up his mind.
“I’m coming round.”
My whole body jolted - panic flaring so fast it stole my breath. “No-”
The word ripped out of me before I could soften it. “No, Kai, don’t.”
“Alex-”
“No.” I forced myself upright, biting back a gasp as pain shot through my ribs. “You can’t. You can’t come here.”
My voice cracked on the last word. I hated that. Hated how obvious it sounded. Hated how much it gave away.
“It’ll make it worse,” I whispered, pressing a hand over my ribs like I could hold myself together. “Please. Just… don’t.”
“Make what worse?” He asked quickly.
My breath caught. My whole body went still.
The question wasn’t loud. It wasn’t sharp. But it held so much weight.
I squeezed my eyes shut, fingers trembling around the phone. “Please, Kai.”
My breath stuttered. My whole body went cold.
“Make what worse, Alex?” He repeated, his voice firm and controlled.
He wasn’t supposed to ask that.
He wasn’t supposed to hear that part; I didn’t mean to let it slip.
“I can’t-” The word cracked in my throat as I swallowed hard, forcing something, anything, out. “You just… you can’t come here. You don’t understand.”
Another breath. Shaky. Painful. Too loud in my own ears.
“You just have to trust me, please.”
The silence on the line stretched - not long, but long enough for my pulse to start hammering, for the panic to claw up my ribs, for the room to sway just slightly.
“What’s going on, Alex?” Kai asked, his voice firm.
My breath caught in my throat again.
“Nothing,” I said too fast, too sharp, wiping at my face with the back of my hand. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
The words scraped out of me, brittle as glass. I curled in on myself without meaning to, ribs flaring as I tried to steady my breathing, each inhale catching like it had to fight its way in.
“You don’t sound fine,” he said, almost a whisper - the kind of quiet that meant he was listening too closely.
“I am.” The breath shuddered out of me, thin and unconvincing. Even I didn’t buy it. Every part of me hurt, a deep, bruised ache that pulsed with my heartbeat.
“I know something’s wrong.” Kai’s voice tightened, like he was gripping the phone harder, knuckles going white around the edges of his worry. “If you don’t tell me, I’m coming round there.”
“No, please, I can’t tell you.” I shook my head hard, even though he couldn’t see it, my fingers curling around me, as if they could stop me from falling apart.
“Why not?” Kai asked, his voice low, steady. I could picture his eyebrows pulling together, his jaw tightening.
“Because-” My voice cracked. I pressed my fist against my mouth, trying to stop the sound. “Because-” I swallowed, throat burning, but nothing followed.
I parted my mouth again, then closed it, breath stuttering. A small, broken sniffle escaped before I could stop it.
“What did Connor want?” Kai said, his voice dropping even lower.
“It’s no-” I flinched, curling tighter, my fingers trembling around the phone.
“If you tell me it’s nothing one more time, I’m going to lose my mind.” His voice shook, like he was pacing, like he was running a hand through his hair.
My tears fell faster, hot and constant. I pressed my forehead to my knee, trying to breathe, trying to stay quiet.
“Please, Kai, just drop this.”
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Kai whispered. I could hear the way he leaned forward, the way his breath caught. “It’s Connor. He’s the one you’re so afraid of.”
“No.” The word shot out of me, sharp and immediate.
“Dammit, Alex, just tell me the truth.” Kai’s voice cracked, frustration and fear bleeding together.
I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head again, my whole body trembling. “I can’t,” I whispered, the word barely holding itself together. My fingers tightened around the phone like it was the only thing keeping me upright, the only thing stopping me from collapsing in on myself.
“Kai… I can’t.” The confession scraped out of me, thin and raw.
I forced myself to sit up, a low groan breaking from my chest as I straightened. Pain flared hot and sharp through my ribs, stealing the breath I tried to pull in. I hunched forward instinctively, one hand braced against my stomach, the other still clinging to the phone like it was a lifeline.
For a second, all I could hear was my own breathing - uneven, shaky, too loud in even my ears.
Then Kai’s voice.
“Are you hurt?” His words were sharp with worry, like he’d stopped breathing to ask them.
“No, I’m fine,” I said, wiping at my face quickly, hoping he couldn’t hear how staggered my breath was.
“I’m coming over right now.” I could hear the shift - the scrape of his keys, the rustle of him moving.
“Please, Kai.” I pressed my palm harder against my ribs, panic tightening everything inside me.
“Alex, I’m coming.” His voice was final, like he’d already stood up, already decided.
“No-don’t.” The word tore out of me. I pushed myself upright too fast, pain flaring through my side. “I’ll meet you.” My mind raced, mapping out the safest option, the least dangerous place. “At the park. I’ll meet you.”
I grabbed the edge of the bed, steadying myself as the room tilted. My breath shook. My fingers trembled around the phone.
“Just… just go there,” I said, forcing the words out before he could argue. “I’ll come to you.”
Because letting him come here wasn’t an option.
Not tonight. Not ever.
A pause.
“Okay,” he said, breath unsteady like he was already moving. “But I swear to god, if you’re not there, I’m coming-”
“I will be,” I said quickly, pushing myself to my feet too fast. Pain throbbed through me again, and I grabbed the edge of the dresser to steady myself. “I’ll leave now.”
There was a pause - a real one - like he was listening to something in my breathing, weighing it, worrying over it.
“Okay,” he said at last, softer. “I’m on my way.”
The line clicked.
The call ended.
I lowered the phone slowly, my hand shaking so badly I almost dropped it. The room closed in on me for a second, and I pressed my palm to the wall, grounding myself, forcing a breath in through my nose.
Park.
I had to get to the park.
I stared at myself in the mirror.
My cheek was red. My lip bloodied. My hair was in jagged patches. My eyes were swollen and raw from crying.
Shit.
He wasn’t going to believe me for one second.
I dragged in a breath, shaky and uneven, and wiped at my face with the heel of my hand. It didn’t help. I still looked like someone who’d been crying for too long and trying too hard to hide it.
But he couldn’t come here.
He just couldn’t.
I opened my drawer with trembling fingers, rummaging through the mess until I found my black beanie. I pulled it out, shaking it once before tugging it over my head. The fabric scraped against my scalp, catching on the uneven patches, but I forced it down anyway.
At least then he wouldn’t see my hair, or what was left of it.
I adjusted it in the mirror, pulling it lower, covering as much as I could. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. I pressed them against the side for a moment, grounding myself, breathing through the tightness in my chest.
“Okay,” I whispered to myself, even though my voice cracked. I straightened a little, ignoring the rise of pain in my ribs. “Okay. Just get to the park.”
I grabbed my jacket, pulling it on with careful, measured movements, each one tugging at something sore. The fabric dragged over my shoulders, and I had to bite down on a breath when it brushed a tender spot.