Chapter 20 #2
Alisa swallowed, her gaze flickering over Tora’s face. Was it really that easy for her? To just say it, to be accepted like that?
Something tightened painfully in Alisa’s chest. That would never happen for her. Not like this and definitely not so easily. It would be a loss in her own family for sure.
She pressed her lips together, holding back everything that rushed up at once, too many thoughts, too many feelings tangled together.
“I… I don’t even know what to say,” she admitted quietly.
Tora just shrugged, moving a little closer to her, brushing against her side.
“You don’t have to say anything. It was my choice.”
“No… I don’t mean that,” Alisa shook her head. “I just… I can’t do that.”
“So your parents don’t know anything about you at all?” Tora said quietly, sadness slipping into her voice.
“That’s an overstatement, but… yes, we hardly communicate.
My family’s whole focus is on my sister, our traditional family values star, with her children and her perfect husband, and I’m just…
a failure without kids and without a husband.
” Alisa restrained herself as much as she could, closing her eyes for a moment as they slowed to a stop somewhere in the middle of the park, and Tora pulled her gently closer, burying her face in Alisa’s neck.
“I’m sorry they don’t know how amazing you are… how good you are…” Tora murmured, her lips brushing lightly against Alisa’s skin, and the soft touch made Alisa smile, though there was something bitter in it.
“Probably…”
Was she sorry that I couldn’t be truly myself with my family?
Maybe, partly. But somewhere deeper… Alisa had never really been interested in the idea of family at all, not the way they saw it, not as some future machine for children and a role of a wife for a man she didn’t even know.
The thought alone felt disgusting. Alisa frowned slightly at it, then tightened her arm around Tora, holding her as close as she could.
“I actually told my sister once… back in the sixth grade, that I liked a girl,” Alisa said after a moment, she was very carefully stepping through an old memory.
“But she treated it like a joke, said it’s just a phase, she said it would pass, and after a while I kind of forgot about that girl and feelings, but… ”
She fell silent for a second, remembering that first fragile feeling of loving the same gender.
Back then, even she had thought it wasn’t serious, that it was just curiosity, just two girls figuring things out, trying to understand how to be with boys someday, like some kind of practice for a future that was already decided for them. But was it really just that?
Alisa let out a quiet, almost disbelieving laugh.
“However my sister said it wasn’t real, that it would pass, and it did, yes…
I really forgot about her and everything in between.
I even dated guys after that, well… I tried, as much as I could, although it never really worked.
It’s just… somehow it turned out that I’ve never felt anything like this for them.
Not like with you. It’s… my feelings are like, like I’m being covered by a wave of lava and ocean at the same time, like I’m burning alive, but the fire doesn’t destroy me, it gives me strength, it fills me, and it’s like stars are burning and exploding inside me, and just thinking about you creates some entirely new universe in my body, you know? ”
“Wow…” Tora whispered near her ear, smiling as she avoided Alisa’s gaze for a moment. “That was the most beautiful declaration of love I’ve ever heard, Alisa…”
Alisa pressed her lips together in a slightly embarrassed smile, then let out a nervous giggle, blinking at Tora.
“You’ve described perfectly how I feel about you, you know?
” Tora said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Alisa’s cheek, and then taking her hands again as they continued walking along the winding paths of the park, surrounded by deep green trees that seemed endless; small ponds shimmered here and there with fish beneath the surface, delicate bridges curved over the water, stones and flowers placed as if every detail had been carefully arranged for the sole purpose of admiring nature, and there was something almost tangible about the balance of it all, like yin and yang brought into the physical world, impossibly beautiful.
“So all is right…” Alisa whispered, and Tora nodded with a soft smile.
“Of course it’s right… we’ve merged like two galaxies into something bigger.”
“I love it when you talk about space,” Alisa smiled, feeling that familiar thrill somewhere deep in her heart.
“And I love it when you talk about space, but about me,” Tora grinned, and Alisa immediately clicked her tongue, realizing exactly what she had done.
“Of course, everything revolves around Tora M?ller, you’re absolutely right, and I especially revolve around you.”
“Yes, that’s correct,” Tora said with a bright smile, squeezing Alisa’s hand a little tighter.
“Happy victory, babe.”
“Thank you, my sexy mamacita.”
“Sexy mamacita?” Tora burst into laughter, one hand pressing against her stomach.
“Yes, that’s you.”
“Well, thank you, pretty girl, you’re not bad yourself.”
“Have you even seen your body? You’re a goddess.”
“You’re the goddess.”
“Yes—yes.”
They kept throwing compliments at each other like it was a game neither of them wanted to lose, laughing, bumping shoulders, drifting through the park until time itself seemed to stretch and blur, and somewhere along the way their conversation softened into something deeper, into family, into how different their lives had been shaped, and Alisa found herself thinking again and again about how much she wanted to meet Tora’s parents, if only to hug them for being the kind of people who could love someone like Tora so openly.
By the time they reached the restaurant, the shift in atmosphere was almost jarring; a waiter greeted them politely, taking the bouquet from Alisa’s hands and placing it into a vase with quiet care before leading them inside and handing them menus.
The space was beautiful in a completely different way with high ceilings, crystal chandeliers glimmering above like something out of an opera hall, everything was elegant and almost theatrical, yet at the same time restrained, balanced in soft beige and brown tones that blended seamlessly together, luxurious without being overwhelming.
Alisa couldn’t help but feel a little surprised that they had been let in at all.
The waiter poured them water, the glasses catching the light, and the girls nodded their thanks before lowering their attention to the menus, thank God, in English.
And then, completely out of nowhere, Tora said, “You know… I’d like you to meet my parents.”
“What?” Alisa nearly choked on her water, hastily setting the glass back down before she dropped it. “Are you serious?”
“Well… yeah! I was thinking maybe we could do a video call, but every time I imagine that, I end up remembering those… hot summer nights we shared together on video calls.” Tora bite her lower lip that made Alisa blush instantly, the memory hitting her all at once, and Tora couldn’t help but smile at the reaction.
“So then I thought it would be much better to meet in person. At the Olympics. They’ll come to support me, and we could just… you know, have dinner together. Properly.”
Alisa just stared at her, blinking, the menu completely forgotten in her hands.
“I don’t even know if I’ll be there yet,” she said finally with uncertainty.
“Of course you will. You took an important quota for your country today.”
“That doesn’t guarantee anything,” Alisa shook her head slightly. “We have a lot of strong skaters, like really strong.”
Tora set her menu aside and looked at her more seriously now. “They’ll choose you,” she said with confidence. “I know it.”
Alisa let out a small, crooked grin. “What are you now, a witch?”
“Yes,” Tora replied immediately. “I laid out tarot cards and saw that we’d be competing at the Olympics together.”
Alisa laughed, soft and bright, even if she knew it was a joke.
“But seriously,” Tora continued, “you have every chance of making it to there. And you should. You’ve come too far for it to end any other way.”
Alisa pursed her lips. “Maybe… but in the end, it won’t be up to me. It’ll be the judges back home and the Olympic committee who decide, not my coaches or anyone else… I don’t really have a voice in it.”
“That’s true,” Tora said softly, “but still… just try to believe in yourself, okay? Because I do.”
“You believe in me more than I believe in myself,” Alisa muttered, shaking her head as she lowered her gaze back to the menu, letting her eyes drift over the list of appetizers without really seeing them.
“That’s because I love you more than you love yourself.”
Alisa froze, as if the words had landed somewhere deep and sensitive, like a sudden touch she hadn’t expected. Damn… was that true? Why did Tora believe in her so easily, when she herself couldn’t even hold onto that feeling for more than a few seconds?
“Well, seems like you’re right,” she said quietly after a moment. “I should try to have more faith in myself.”
“That’s the spirit, babe” Tora smiled, lightening the mood just a little. “And now, let’s eat something actually good. We still have a night walk around Beijing ahead of us… and then a very fun rodeo back in my room.”
Alisa nearly choked on her own saliva and coughed, nodding quickly. “Yes, mamacita, we need to restore our strength first and then go conquer Beijing again with our beautiful, well-trained figure skater legs.”
“Well, you are so mine girl!”
“Yours, yours…” Alisa giggled, finally letting herself relax as she started choosing what she actually wanted to eat.