Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Romy
Today’s the day. Today’s definitely the day I’m gonna tell him.
I have no choice. Yesterday made me realize how much he lost out on, being a foster child and not having a family to call his own.
This little one growing inside me is his family.
I want Zander to have the opportunity to have everything that comes along with that, should he choose to.
If only all the feelings I developed for him had gone away, it would make this whole situation feel different.
I walk into The Knotted Barn and am surprised to find he’s already there. My mom too. An entire crew is circled around Zander, who is on top of a ladder explaining how he wants the lights.
I guess I’m the last one to the party. I grab a muffin from the tray and go into my office to figure out how to get him alone now that he’s finally allowed the crew to come in. A touch of sadness that our time alone here is over hits me, but I brush it aside.
My key is in my office door lock when my mom comes down the hall. “Why is your office door always locked now?”
“Well, it’s my office, so…”
“It’s like when you used to lock your bedroom door as a teenager. Nothing good goes on behind a locked door. Plus, you’ve been acting strange lately.” She gives me the once-over with narrowed eyes. Her mom look used to work on me, but not anymore.
I walk into my office and put away my purse. “No, I haven’t. I’m fine.” I round my desk to go back out to the main part of the building.
“They’ve been here since right after breakfast. Zander asked me if I could let him in. He didn’t want to bother you, and they wanted to start doing some of the lighting.”
“Okay. Thanks, Mom.”
Why she’s being so informative, I’m not sure. It’s not as if I would take offense that she let them in.
She heads to the storage room. I forgot she has a key for that too. I’d feel much calmer if she was at The Getaway Lodge, being social with everyone eating breakfast. I’m already strung tight knowing the conversation I have to have today.
In the venue area, Zander is still on the ladder, and they’re talking about the lighting and some other things.
I watch him from the archway and realize this announcement I’m about to make will change everything.
It’ll change the world as he knows it, and the weight of that settles on my shoulders like hundred-pound bricks.
Then again, maybe that’s not the case. Maybe he’ll want nothing to do with our child.
But even if he walks away, continuing to chase stardom and leaving this baby behind, he’ll still know a piece of him is out there.
He could come back into our lives at any time, without warning.
And with his resources, is that something I should be wary of?
Will I always be worried about him returning?
I could push for papers, force something official, but god, I don’t want to think about that.
I’m not asking for forever with Zander. I know he doesn’t want that, not with me anyway.
But still… he deserves to know. I saw what finding out he had a child he didn’t know about did to my brother, and I can’t do that to Zander.
Whatever happens needs to be his decision.
He climbs down the ladder, catches me watching from across the room, and smiles that damn half smile that makes my heart flop.
It makes me shiver, makes me think that he was lying when he pushed me away.
That there is something between us, and I wasn’t a fool to believe I was becoming important to him.
But if he can’t admit it, I sure as hell am not going to push it.
We have enough to figure out without bringing us into it.
Zander crosses the room, and whoever else was with him—somebody from the crew—takes over his spot on the ladder. He stops right in front of me.
Okay, hormones, calm the fuck down.
“Hey,” he says. “Did you sleep in this morning?”
“Yes… no.” I didn’t sleep in. I’ve barely slept since I found out I’m pregnant. It’s probably why there are dark circles and bags under my eyes every morning. “No, I just had some things to catch up on.”
It’s a lie he seems to believe. Because why wouldn’t he? He has no idea the torment that’s been in my head since that positive pregnancy test.
“All right,” he says. “I was wondering if we could go down to The Perfect Petal and pick out some flowers. Do you think they’d have any availability to talk to us today? Maybe even walk through the greenhouse, get some suggestions?”
I nod absentmindedly. “Sure. Yeah, we can do that. Of course. They’ll make time for us. Did you have an idea of what you were thinking?”
“I don’t know anything about flowers, so you should definitely be the leader on this one.”
“Okay. All right, we’ll make—I’ll call Poppy and see.”
“Sounds good. Thanks.”
I go back to my office to call Poppy to figure out if she or Delaney have time for us today. They’ll definitely have better ideas than me if he wants something unique and special.
His footsteps fall behind me as I make my way down the hall. My mom comes out of the storage area and eyes Zander behind me.
“Oh my god, you two. I love the arch you picked out the other day,” she says. “I can’t wait. I loved it when it was used in that one wedding.” She snaps her fingers. “Remember, Romy, that one where the bride was pregnant?”
My stomach lurches. “Um… vaguely.”
“Sure, you do.” She puts her hand on my arm and squeezes, then turns her attention to Zander.
“The groom was drunk the entire time and threw up all over the balcony. Uncle Wade was going to…” She eyes Zander and stops talking.
“Well, anyway, seemed like such a waste for such a great piece. They didn’t make it two months. Sad.”
“Doesn’t sound like the best premonition for the project,” he says.
My mom cringes. “But it’s just a music video. Not like real life, you know?”
“Okay, Mom,” I say. “I need to go make a phone call.”
“Oh, to who?”
Thankfully I dodge her before we get the lecture about signs and fate and kismet. She’s where I learned to believe in fairytales. What a disappointment that turned out to be.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say, annoyed now from that story about another couple that got pregnant before their wedding and then divorced.
She just squashed that pea-sized amount of hope I had that maybe there could be a chance Zander and I could raise this baby together.
I need to exorcise that delusional, romantic side of myself.
“Just give me a second. I need to grab a pen,” Mom says.
I wave for her to go into my office, not that she cares to have my permission.
“I don’t know what your song’s about, Zander, because you’re not sharing much information about it.” She gives him a look that says she would like to know. So nosy. “But I think the arch is so whimsical and romantic and will fit a music video perfectly.”
“Thank you, Darla,” Zander says, and my mom’s face lights up.
“I used to love watching music videos,” she says mindlessly, scribbling something on a piece of paper.
“You know, back in her day. The eighties,” I joke.
I’m waiting by the door for her to leave, and she doesn’t even realize it. I try to convey my apology to Zander that I have no idea what she’s doing.
Mom sticks out her tongue at me, and she and I laugh. My humor dies the minute her hand lands on the drawer with the test in it.
My spine straightens. “Why are you going in there?”
“You’re making me think there’s something in this office you’re hiding. What’s your dirty little secret, Romy?” She laughs, but I don’t.
“Nothing. Nothing. Just—Mom, god—just what do you need? I’ll get it for you.” I stand in the doorway, blocking Zander from coming in.
“I’m perfectly capable of finding tape. I know your office pretty well because, oh yeah, once upon a time it was my office.” She points at herself. I have her distracted now, but I’m not sure for how much longer.
My heart races. She cannot see that test before I have time to tell Zander. No, no, no, no.
“It’s not in there.”
She shifts to look into the drawer, and my stomach drops. My instincts take over, and I slam my office door shut, planting myself in front of it, leaving Zander and me in the hallway with my hand clamped around the knob.
Zander’s confused gaze flicks to mine, searching.
It’s now or never. God, I can’t believe this is how it’s going to come out—that he’s going to find out he’s a father with my mom banging on the other side of a door.
I should have told him sooner. He should’ve been the first to know, not the third if my mom just saw that test.
“Romy!” My mom pounds so hard the wood shakes. “What the hell are you doing? What is wrong with you? Open this door right now.” She’s using her mom voice. The one that used to make us all freeze as kids.
“Mom, just—just give me a second!” My voice cracks. My throat is closing, and my heart’s about to pop out of my chest.
Zander doesn’t move. He doesn’t even blink, just watches me. Doesn’t this chaos make him wonder what I could be hiding? Does he already know? Suddenly I’m spiraling—am I showing? Do I look different? Did I touch my stomach too much? Has he already guessed?
But he doesn’t say a word.
Another pound rattles the door. “Romy, let me out of here right now! I don’t—you know how I am in closed-off spaces.”
“Then you shouldn’t have gone into my office in the first place!” I snap, panic sharpening my words. “I told you I would’ve just gotten whatever you needed.”
When I turn back, Zander is still looking at me, and I feel dizzy. I can’t take the silence and pressure anymore. The words rip out of me before I can stop them.
“I’m pregnant.” My voice cracks. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you yet, but my mom is about to find something in that drawer, and yeah… I’m pregnant.”
For a beat, there’s nothing. No reaction at all. He stands there stone-faced.
Then his face drains of color. His mouth parts as though he can’t find enough air.
Nope. He had no idea.