Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
Romy
My phone vibrates on the nightstand, and I slide across the bed to grab it, the soft glow from the screen the only light in the room.
The curtains are still drawn tight, even though it’s well past noon, and I’ve been sprawled across the hotel bed—tangled in sheets and pillows—ever since Zander left this morning.
I can’t find anything decent on TV anymore. I’ve binge-watched every show I can imagine. I don’t bother turning on the lamp and just slide my thumb across the screen to answer.
Lottie’s voice crackles through the speaker—chipper and happy—and I’m instantly homesick.
“Hey! How are you?” she says.
“Bored out of my mind.” I lay my head on the pillow and stare at the ceiling. The only view I’ve had of whatever city I’m in now.
“How can you be bored? You’ve literally been touring the country. Where are you now?”
“I think we’re in Chicago… maybe? But then tomorrow is Milwaukee or Indianapolis.
I have no idea.” It’s all the same to me.
A bed, an uncomfortable couch, a desk with a complimentary notepad and pen.
Sure, the hotels are way fancier than I’ve ever stayed in before, but I spend most of my time in them alone, so the shine has worn off.
“So…” Her voice dips lower.
I sit up. My sister never stalls. She’s more the spit-it-out type. “Lottie, what is it?”
I worry something is wrong back at the ranch. My parents? Uncle Bruce? One of my cousins? What’s going on back home that I’m missing by lying around in a hotel room?
There’s a beat of silence. I can practically hear her biting her lip.
“I really wanted to tell you at the family dinner, but I don’t know when you’re gonna be back. The process is starting, and I don’t want you to be the only one who doesn’t know. We haven’t told anybody yet—other than Mom and Dad.”
I grip the phone tighter. “Okay… what is it? What’s wrong? Is something wrong with you and Brooks? What’s going on?”
“No, no. We’re fine. We’re fine. But… I just want to let you know that…”
“Lottie!”
“We’ve started the surrogacy process.”
My breath catches. “Surrogacy?”
“Yeah,” she says softly. “We’ve talked to the doctors and some lawyers. We’re really serious about it. And I really wanted to tell you in person. I’m sorry it’s over the phone.”
“You’re sorry? I’m sorry. I wish I was there. I want to hug you. And I want to tell you how proud and excited I am that you’re taking this step.”
I flop back against the pillow, staring at the ceiling. Again. My chest aches because I want to be there. I want to be with her. I want to hug her and have her tell me everything.
“God, Lottie, that’s huge.”
“I know.”
“You’re going to be amazing parents,” I whisper. “And I’m growing one great cousin for that little Watson.”
She laughs, and guilt washes over me that I’m not there. But more than that—I miss home.
“You okay?” Her voice is soft, something you don’t get a lot of with my sister.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“No, really. Tell me, Romy. Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why do you sound like someone stole your puppy?”
I sigh. Loudly enough that I’m sure she hears it. “I don’t know. I just… I miss the ranch. I miss the family. And you know, we’re trying to keep the baby a secret—keep it out of the press—so most of my time is spent in a hotel bed waiting for Zander to come back.”
My throat knots. I don’t even want to loosen it. I’m finally opening up, and it feels good to admit to someone that this life isn’t all that. Zander refuses to entertain people because of his fear that the paps will get information and that things will get worse for me and my family at the ranch.
“Have you talked to Zander about it?”
“A little. I don’t want to ruin… this is what he wants. And being apart wasn’t an option. I’ll take the few hours I get with him a day, rather than not seeing him for a month at a time.”
“I get it… but still. I mean, Romy, this doesn’t seem very fair either.”
I trust Lottie. She’s my sister, but I don’t want to waste our time talking about something I don’t see changing anytime soon. “Anyway. Tell me what’s going on—how are the family dinners? Anything interesting happening there?”
“Oh my god,” Lottie says, letting me change the subject.
She knows there’s no changing what I’m going through.
I’m not miraculously going to pop this baby out and be public-ready.
I have no idea when Zander will feel safe telling anybody that I’m pregnant.
And I haven’t really broached the subject because he seems so busy and stressed with all the interviews.
“Well… let’s see. Everybody’s asking about you. Wren and Leia can’t stop begging me to FaceTime you at every dinner. They keep saying Auntie Romy owes them souvenirs, so I hope you have a big duffel bag of things you’ve collected from all the places you’ve been to.”
“Oh my god, I haven’t bought them a thing,” I admit.
She laughs. “It’s fine. Just buy them something sparkly, and they’ll be happy. You know Bennett and Delaney won’t want you to spoil them anyway.”
“I know. But still…”
She tells me how big Daisy is getting and how Emmett and Briar are exhausted from chasing after Colter because he’s such a busy boy. For a moment, I can pretend we’re still back on the ranch, on the couch and talking face-to-face.
We chat for a little longer, and it fills up a small space in the empty hole that is me missing home.
“Well, I guess I should let you go—” I say.
“Yeah, I gotta run anyway. There’re a bunch of customers and stuff. But you are gonna come home soon, right, Romy?”
“Yeah, yeah. We’re due home in… I think a couple weeks or so. And once we get closer to delivery, you know I have to be home. So, I’ll be there for a while.”
We’re both quiet for a moment.
“I miss you,” Lottie says.
“I miss you too. I miss everybody. Please tell them I said hi and that I’ll be back soon.” My voice comes out wobbly.
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you.”
We hang up, and the quiet of the room rushes in too fast. I toss my phone on the bed and feel as if my whole world has shrunk to four beige walls.
I could send someone to grab gifts for the girls—Beau or DeSoto—but the thought of either of them trying to pick out something for two eight-year-old girls who mean so much to me but they barely know?
I can see them coming back with coffee mugs.
Besides, I don’t want to pass off a gift to my nieces that I didn’t personally pick out for them.
I get up off the bed, walk over to the window to pull the curtains to the side, and open them. God, I want to be out there on those streets.
I check the time. Zander isn’t due back for at least two hours. I can definitely slip out, and he wouldn’t even know.
And why would he have to know?
He doesn’t have to know.
I’m an adult who doesn’t need permission from her partner to run out for twenty minutes to find her nieces a gift.
I need to breathe some fresh air.
I walk over to the mirror and look at myself. My reflection looks… horrid. Pale skin. Messy bun. Zander’s sweatshirt—it’s the only thing that still fits lately.
I could get out and back without him even knowing. He’s not due back for hours.
And when I get back, I’ll tell him I was able to do it. I’ll prove to him that it’s possible.
I dig through his bag and find the baseball cap he left behind. I put on oversized sunglasses. A scarf knotted at my throat. A plain gray coat that Beau bought me when we got to the colder states. I’d already busted three buttons on mine.
This is harmless. A quick trip in and out. Nobody will notice. Nobody will recognize me.
I’m still a nobody except when Zander is by my side. By myself? I’m just like anyone else walking down a busy city sidewalk.
I leave the room, walk softly across the plush carpet to the elevators, and press the button. My pulse ticks as if I’m a thief or a fugitive and not an aunt going to buy toys for her nieces.
I tip my head low and move quickly out of the lobby, hoping everyone is too busy to give me a second glance.
As soon as I’m out on the city streets, I stare at the world and relish it. The cars honking. The voices overlapping. The cold air tinged with exhaust.
I hesitate at the curb, tugging my coat a little tighter, and scan the sidewalks. Then I walk steadily until I reach a souvenir shop and duck inside. I hunt the aisles quickly, grabbing two snow globes. Two keychains. Anything glittery. A couple teddy bears.
I pay in cash. Avoid eye contact with the cashier. Then step back out onto the street. My heart is racing, but this stolen sliver of normalcy is exactly what I needed.
Either from my adrenaline or the heated store, suddenly I’m overheated. Underneath my coat, sweat gathers at the small of my back, and my disguise feels suffocating. I’m so hot that it makes me feel a little nauseated.
I glance around. Nobody’s watching. Nobody cares.
I unbutton my jacket, letting the cold breeze seep in through the sweatshirt. The relief is instant. Cool air slides across my overheated skin.
Click.
The sharp noise might as well have been a gunshot to my ears.
My head jerks in the direction of the sound.
A man stands across the street, lens aimed squarely at my stomach and me.
I freeze.
He lowers the camera, smirking as though he’s already cashed the check for the shot he just scored.
Heat floods my cheeks. I yank my jacket closed, but it’s too late.
I’ve been seen.
And no matter how fast I walk back to the hotel, no matter how tightly I shut the door behind me, the damage is done.
Tomorrow… or probably even tonight… hell, within minutes, the world will know that I’m carrying Zander Shaw’s baby.