48. Evie
Evie
UNKNOWN
your birthday is coming up
how do you want to celebrate?
at the house?
hello???
Evie my dear, this has gone on long enough
please answer me
Matteo has always been an introspective person, one with walls built around his heart and mind, never letting anyone get close enough to gaze through the window of his soul—until me.
He demolished it for me, the rubble giving way to show the boy I fell in love with as a little girl.
So it guts me to see him shut down like this.
To the eye of anyone else, he probably appears like his usual quiet self. But I know how deep he is in his head, how he’s crawled into a trench of rumination and hatred about the situation.
Nothing I’ve said or done has been able to pull him out of his guilt.
And in turn, my guilt has only grown tenfold.
I know that keeping this secret from Caleb is killing him, that not being able to do anything about it but respect my wishes is difficult. Matteo has always protected me, has always done what he believes is right for me.
And while Matteo is trying to juggle his feelings, my own, and the guilt of keeping such a big thing from his best friend, my stupidly pig-headed brother is holding a grudge against him because he saw us kissing in an elevator.
In Caleb’s defense, I understand why he’s hurt—he feels betrayed and like we snuck around behind his back, but I think enough time has passed now that we should talk.
Because if my brother wanted the best for me, he would at least have heard me out.
I’d hoped that he would at least be happy for me because… it’s Matteo.
I tried calling Caleb last night after the game and, low and behold, he declined all my calls.
Hence why I’m now standing at Irving’s door unceremoniously pounding my fist against it.
I’m relentless until it flies open, Irving standing there shirtless with a towel wrapped around his hips. Leaning his arm against the frame, his puppy dog eyes light up. “Mini Ellington! What brings you to my door?”
“Hey, Irving. Is Caleb here?”
“Not for her,” I hear my brother call out.
Irving winces, blocking the apartment with his wide shoulders. Blinking up at him, I play the wounded card, grabbing my chest. “Irving, surely you wouldn’t leave me out here all alone, would you? That’s not like you to hurt a girl’s feelings.”
His face falls.
“Irving, don’t fucking listen to her!” my brother calls out again from somewhere inside the apartment.
But Irving keeps looking at me, his blond hair dripping with water, all but melting as I keep blinking at him furiously.
“Please,” I whisper. “They can’t keep hurting each other.”
“Fuck, little E, way to pull on a man’s heartstrings.” Irving steps back, opening the door farther as he turns to face the apartment. “Sorry, bro, I can’t say no. She’s too pretty.”
My brother groans as I step through, patting Irving’s chest on my way. “Good boy.”
He barks in my ear as a joke, making me chuckle until I spot my brother glaring daggers at me.
Arching a brow, I fold my arms across my chest; he does the same. Irving steps between us, looking like he’s in pain as he runs a hand through his hair. “I’m going to go be…anywhere but here.”
He heads down the hall, but I keep my gaze on my brother as I pointedly ask, “Did you break your phone?”
He shakes his head. “The decline button is working perfectly fine.”
“Dick.”
“Backstabbing sister.”
“How have I backstabbed you?”
His mouth drops open. “You’re dating my best friend!”
“And?”
Snapping his mouth shut, he rubs his jaw, his teeth grinding so hard I can hear it from across the room.
My shoulders droop as all the air escapes me.
Slowly making my way over, I take a seat in front of Caleb on the coffee table, silently praying there’s no sticky substances. He turns his head, not meeting my eye as he fixes his gaze at something in the kitchen.
I wish that I could reach out and touch him, but instead I clasp my hand in my lap to stop myself. “Caleb, we weren’t hiding anything behind your back,” I whisper.
He snaps back in my direction. “I literally saw him pinning you to the elevator wall. Stop lying.”
My cheeks heat. “That was our first kiss.”
“Didn’t look like a first kiss.”
“And how would you know that?” I try and tease.
“I’m surrounded by horny hockey players, I see a lot of making out.”
Touché.
“I promise, Caleb, that was the first time we kissed. It was just…a big lead-up.”
“Exactly,” he says pointedly. “I didn’t even know there was a lead-up.”
“Why would you have? I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want anyone to know. I never thought it would happen, so why would I go out of my way to embarrass myself? Why would I tell you I like someone when I thought it would never be reciprocated?”
“First of all, anyone who has eyes knows Matteo has always liked you. I even knew, I just didn’t think you reciprocated it, or that you were that good at keeping secrets from me.”
His words are like acid down my throat.
He has no idea how close he’s hit the nail on the head, but it’s the wrong secret he’s upset about.
Before I can speak though, he keeps going. “Second of all, that’s not embarrassing, Evie. How could your feelings ever be embarrassing?” He looks genuinely gutted. “I thought we were closer than that. I thought we told each other everything, and here you are keeping such a huge thing from me.”
Guilt slams into me, and now I’m the one looking away.
His voice cracks. “Are we not that close?”
The hurt lacing his words sends a dagger through my heart. If he ever found out I told Matteo and not him, it would genuinely break him.
“We are,” I say, but it doesn’t hold any conviction.
He sees straight through my guilt. “Right,” he says dryly.
Lifting my gaze to his, to the mirror of my own eyes, I plead, “Can we try and repair this?”
After a beat, he clears his throat. “I need more time, and clearly you do too. I know you’re not being truthful with me.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I lie—and it tastes fucking disgusting on my tongue.
“Yes, you do,” he says pointedly. “I know it wasn’t just a crush on Matteo keeping you away from the family for a year, and it wasn’t just Carter being a dick either. I’m not an idiot, Evie, but I am sad that you feel like you can’t trust me.”
“I know I can trust you.”
He arches a brow. “Really? Then why can’t you tell me what you’re hiding?”
Biting the inside of my cheek to try to stop myself from crying, I lamely shrug my shoulders. Because what else do I do? What can I say? He isn’t wrong that I’ve been avoiding him. I don’t want to keep lying to him, but I also can’t share it with him.
It would destroy everything.
He flinches as if I hit him. I’ve never felt so disconnected from my brother before.
“Please,” I beg.
But Caleb just shakes his head. “How can we repair our relationship when I know you’re still keeping something from me? I can feel it, Evie, and it’s driving me insane,” he says gutturally. “I thought we were closer than this.”
“We are, Caleb, I promise—”
“Don’t lie!” he snaps. His raised tone makes me flinch. As I quickly get to my feet, Caleb sighs. “Fuck, Evie, I’m sorry. It’s just, emotions are high and—”
Tap. Tap.
There’s a knock at the door saving me from seeing my brother look at me like I’ve broken something valuable.
Perhaps I have.
Swallowing thickly, I whisper, “I’ll give you your time. Just please, stop punishing Matteo.”
My steps are clipped, every nerve frayed, because Caleb is right—I’m keeping secrets, and I’m the one tearing us all apart, and the guilt is fucking eating me alive.
There’s tears lining my eyes despite my best efforts to keep it together, but as I open the door, I’m met with my own personal hell.
My mom stands on the other side, clutching her Chanel purse. “Oh, Evie!” She blinks her shock away. “Good, I’m glad you’re here. I want to—”
Disgust rolls through me, nausea mingling with the tidal wave of emotions from the discourse between my brother and me.
Rushing past her, I shake my head. “Don’t say another fucking word to me,” I sneer with such venom it surprises even me. My temper flares, alive and well as the words she said to me the last time I saw her hound my brain again.
It’s breaking his heart.
What about mine? What about what he did to me? Why doesn’t she care that he hurt her little girl?
Blood rushes in my ears but I’m grateful for it because it saves me from hearing whatever she says next.
I pound the button for the elevator until it comes. Stepping inside, my entire body shakes like a leaf.
The doors begin to close right as Caleb appears, worry, confusion, and fear etched across his face as the first tear falls down my cheek.