58. Evie
Evie
CALLING FOR A HOT DISPATCHER
ANGEL
we’re here for you Evie
TRISTAN
Nina says to take all the time you need
I’m so sorry this is happening
KALANI
absolutely anything you need and we will make it happen
ANGEL
we love you
BOOK CLUB BANDITS
LAYLA
thinking of you <3
BELLA
we’re all here whenever you need us, Evie. one word and we will come running
CINDY
with pitchforks
anything for you my sweet girl
BOOM.
My entire body flinches from my brother’s roar as it cracks like thunder across the otherwise silent mountain.
Matteo, sitting beside me on the couch, takes a deep breath before rising, his steps measured and controlled as he opens the front door of the two-bedroom isolated cabin and slowly closes it behind him, going to console his best friend.
It’s the first time I’ve been alone since the tragedy of my birthday dinner.
Slowly easing back into the couch, I pick up the remote beside me, flicking the TV on to distract myself. But then I freeze. A reporter fills the small screen, the glow of the news station illuminating the darkening cabin as someone I have never met before talks about how I was raped.
A chill makes its way down my spine, one that settles so deep within my bones I fear I’ll never be able to get warm again.
Is this my new normal?
Is this what my days will consist of now?
Strangers speculating about what happened to me? Will they poke and prod the scraps of my story? Will they accuse me of lying? Will they continue to violate me in new ways I never thought of?
“It’s believed to be that sister of IceHawks star Caleb Ellington was allegedly assaulted repeatedly by no other than Caleb and Evie’s father, who was also close to Caleb’s best friend and teammate, Matteo Valenti.”
The remote in my hand begins to tremble as I shake.
“The accused, Marcus Ellington, has stepped forth and spoken to us directly.” Nodding, the screen changes, moving from a standard news station to another reporter out in front of my childhood home, a microphone lifted to his lips.
The blood drains from my face.
“Evan? Go ahead,” the first reporter prompts.
Evan touches his ear, face serious before he steps to the side. “Thank you, Lucy. I’ve got Marcus and Serena Ellington here beside me, willing to give an exclusive statement.”
Horror slices through my heart as my parents come into view. Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m on my knees on the wooden floor of the cabin, my eyes filling with tears as my head shakes side to side.
My father’s face makes my stomach roll, the look of innocence and sadness he’s trying to betray pushing bile up my throat.
“It saddens both me and my wife that our daughter is claiming such lies. We’re heartbroken and deeply concerned for her mental health and wellbeing to say such things. We would never put our children in harm’s way.”
“Are you saying that Evie’s claims are—”
“What the fuck.”
Matteo’s voice booms throughout the cabin, making me jump as I turn to him. Caleb, who trailed in behind Matteo, makes it across the room in two long powerful strides and turns off the TV.
The silence in the room is so deafening I swear I can hear all of our raging heartbeats.
Caleb’s shoulders are rising and falling in rapid succession, his fists clenched at his sides, trembling with the force of his restraint. As he slowly turns, the pure fury on his face steals my breath.
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” he declares, his voice a deadly promise.
Matteo steps forward, placing his hand on my shoulder and squeezing. His thumb brushes back and forth, that one touch grounding me tremendously as he says, “You’re not the only one who wants to.”
Caleb shakes his head. “No, I’m going to kill him. He—” All the anger seeps out of him as his eyes land on me. “He—” His words die on his tongue again, his bottom lip wobbling.
“Caleb,” Matteo says softly.
My brother’s teary eyes lift to Matteo. “I want to kill him, Valenti. I want to kill him.” He sucks in a deep stuttering breath and repeats on a broken sob, “I want to kill him.”
Before either of us can comfort him, he strides out of the cabin, the sound of the door slamming behind him closely followed by the sound of retching. Matteo goes to move but I snap my hand out, clasping his wrist. “Let me. I need to talk to him.”
He frowns, worry clear across his face. “Are you sure? You’ve had such heavy conversations already. It’s been so much, Dove. It’s been too much.”
“He needs this,” I whisper.
“And what do you need?”
Swallowing thickly, I confess, “I need my life back.”
The war within him is evident. I watch a thousand thoughts pass behind his eyes before he seems to force himself to let go of me.
But before I can move, he kneels in front of me, holding my hands in his lap.
“Don’t push yourself to the point where you’re lost forever, Dove.
I couldn’t handle losing you. I know you can’t handle that pressure right now but I need you to know that I am here to help you carry everything.
I am here to help you in whatever way you need.
Whether that be hiring a lawyer, holding you as you break, hiding…
Fuck, Dove, if you wake up tomorrow and are ready to go full force, I’ll pick up a blade and fight right beside you.
” He squeezes my hands gently. “I will be whatever you need. Just say the word.”
Leaning forward, I lay a hand on his cheek and murmur, “I need you, Matteo. Just as you are.”
He turns his head into my palm and kisses me, his lips lingering before he takes a deep breath and lets go, craning his head to the door. “Go after our man.”
Ifind Caleb at the edge of the cabin property, pelting rocks into the abyss of the mountain’s forest.
A branch snaps beneath my foot, making Caleb turn. He heaves out a breath, clenching his fist around the other rocks in his hand. “I’m sorry I lost it in there. I’m trying not to, Evie. I’m really fucking trying my hardest to be strong for you right now but…”
“You’re angry,” I supply for him.
“Anger doesn’t begin to scratch the surface.”
Coming to stand beside my brother, I hold out my hand. His eyes flick from my open palm to my eyes before he gently places the rocks in my hold.
“You have every right to feel angry, Caleb. We all do. It’s a lot to process. You need to not be so hard on yourself.” I throw one of the rocks, a rush of endorphins filling my bloodstream with the movement.
Turning to my brother, I hand him back one of his rocks.
He opens his mouth, only to snap shut.
“Say it.”
Fresh tears fill his eyes as he asks gutturally, “How didn’t I notice?” He sniffles, his voice breaking alongside his heart. “I grew up in the same house as you, Evie. I slept down the hall every night and I never knew. How? How did Mom not notice? How…how did no one notice?”
“Because he’s good at hiding who he really is.
” Taking a deep breath, I turn away from him, unable to face his sadness.
“Because he wore a mask. The monster that I saw within him, that version, was hidden so well that even I forgot that it existed sometimes.” I pull back my arm, going to throw another rock, but find I don’t have the energy for it.
With my shoulders slumping, I take a seat on the ground, Caleb joining me, letting silence fill the air as I gather the words I want to say.
“He would wait until everyone was asleep, and if anyone ever woke up, he’d just say he was checking on me, or say he heard a noise. Whatever excuse fitted him, but honestly, it was rare anyone ever got up.”
A sob breaks out of Caleb’s chest. “I should have known.”
“How?”
“I was just down the hall, Evie.” His voice, so soft and yet broken, makes my heart crack.
“So was Mom. So was Matteo. This isn’t on you, Caleb. It’s on him.”
Sniffling, he wipes away the tears that begin to fall.
“I don’t even know where to start. I have so many questions, and most of them I don’t know if I can handle the answer to.
I just…I can’t believe you’ve been carrying this all by yourself.
I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, that it doesn’t gut me that you felt you couldn’t tell me. ”
“I didn’t want this, Caleb. I didn’t want anyone to know…I didn’t want to break us.”
“We were already broken. Our family broke the moment he laid a finger on you.” Caleb pauses, his hesitation thick in the air before he whispers, “How long did it go on for?”
A knife to the heart would be easier to remove than the words on my tongue.
Because when Caleb finds out all the details…
“I was three when he first touched me.” A sound between a sob and a cry of shock escapes his mouth but I’m far too scared to look at the destruction my words will have on him, so like a coward, I keep my gaze forward on the mountain, watching as birds fly through the sky.
I wish I could fly away like them. “It stopped when I got my period at thirteen.” My lip curls back in revulsion.
“He said I was disgusting, that my body had changed…”
“Because you weren’t a child anymore.”
The heaviness of that truth chokes me, so instead, I nod.
“When did Mom find out?”
This story hurts so much it feels like a physical wound, one where I have to pull the bandage off and let the blood ooze from my body. Picking up a fallen leaf off the ground, I begin to tear it into small pieces to give my hands something to do.
“Please, V, don’t hold back on me. I need to know, as much as you’re willing to share, but I need answers. I just…I feel like our world has been tipped upside down and I’m trying to put the new pieces of the puzzle together but they’re missing.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see the desperation in his gaze that I heard in my voice and find I can’t deny him.
After all, it was his father, too.
Parting my lips, I let the story pour from me despite how hard it is to move my tongue and use my vocal cords, despite how much it physically pains me to push past the lump in my throat, despite how much my heart aches within my chest as if it, too, is crying.
I tell my brother everything. Starting at the very beginning.
Our dad used to come into my room late at night and I lit up like fireworks on the Fourth of July.
Bedtime stories were my favorite back then, something I looked forward to all day.
He’d put on character voices as he read to me, and I thought I was so lucky.
One night, I thought he was coming back to continue the story I begged him not to stop reading to me.
How wrong I was.
It was the first time he touched me and the last time I ever had any innocence.
Looking back, it’s like watching another person entirely. I can see him sitting on the edge of my bed, the stale smell of whiskey permeating the air, my smile wide until it dropped completely as he slurred, “Be a good girl and show Daddy how much you love him.”
His hand slid beneath my sheets, and for the first time in my life, I hated the touch of my father. No longer were they the hands of my dad; no longer were his arms safe.
With his threats of killing Caleb, I wept silently in bed, confused as to why my daddy said it was love when his hands hurt me. Why he showed me his private area and why his body did things that no little girl should have ever witnessed.
It was the first time he touched me and the last time I ever had any innocence.
I was robbed that day and every night after. I stayed silent, weighed down by the terror of him killing the brother I adored with all my heart. And so, the abuse continued, day after day, weeks passing as months turned into years.
Caleb doesn’t touch me. He remains silent beside me as I go on, my entire body shaking as I explain how our dad went from touching me and himself to fully raping me at five years old.
The details he doesn’t need to know, I keep to myself.
There’s some things I’ll never share, not with the police, not even with Matteo.
There are some things I don’t ever wish to speak of, truths that if I so much as think about them for too long, my entire body locks up.
If I speak of them, it means it truly happened, and I don’t want to admit that.
I finish with everything our mother said and did, how the memories came back while I was with Carter, and how Felicity and Carter became close as they talked of ways to “help me” through my pain, only to end up adding to it.
It isn’t until I’ve purged everything within my soul that my brother turns to me with bloodshot eyes and asks, “The nights you begged to sleep in my room… Did you…did you know that he was coming for you?”
I know the answer will crush him, know that it will break his already vulnerable heart, so I stay silent. But that’s an answer in its own way.
“Evie…” he whispers. He takes one look at me and turns his head away, dropping it between his knees.
My brother—my strong, stubborn, charismatic, playful brother that always has a smile on his face—shatters into a broken man.
“I hate myself.” Caleb’s chest heaves. “I fucking hate myself. I’m so sorry, Evie.
I’m so goddamn sorry for all of it, for how I treated you these past weeks, for not being there for you. I’m just so fucking sorry.”
Caleb’s shoulders shake violently, the tears pouring from him landing on the ground.
And there is nothing I can do to fix it, so I sit beside my brother as the truth of my secrets build a grave large enough for him to be suffocated by the actions of our father alongside me.