Chapter 16 #3
Derek studied my face, and for a moment, I thought he might finally ask if I was good enough or safe enough or whatever a parent would ask.
But he just said, “Fine. No more dumb errands during the day. I’ll leave you two alone and War can go back to his normal duties.
” He sounded relieved. Did the big guy miss me?
I rolled my lips into my mouth to stop from making a stupid joke. This was a serious conversation.
Kit nodded, satisfied.
Derek stood, drained his mug, and looked at Kit like he was memorizing him.
Then, he opened his arms. He stayed still, letting Kit decide, and I thought that said a lot about Derek and his respect for his son.
They’d always had a close relationship, and even though Kit wasn’t forgiving him, I wanted to see them repair their fractured connection. Not just for Derek, but for Kit, too.
Kit leapt into the hug, burying his face against his dad’s chest like he was ten years old again. Derek’s hand came up to the back of Kit’s neck with a gentle and steady grip. They stood like that for a full minute, neither letting go first.
When Kit finally pulled back, he wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand. “Sorry,” he muttered.
Derek shook his head. “You never have to be sorry.”
Leland, not to be left out, nudged Kit’s shoulder. Kit rolled his eyes, but he let Leland pull him into a side-hug.
I stayed at the table. My insides rearranged themselves in ways I didn’t have words for.
Derek tugged his keys out of his pocket and nodded at me. “Take care of him.”
I met his eyes. “Always.”
Derek and Leland left together, silent but less tense than when they’d arrived. Kit closed the door behind them and leaned against the solid wood before sliding to the floor.
I stood and rushed to sit down beside him.
We didn’t say anything for a while, just listened to the quiet and tried to figure out what to do with the day ahead of us.
We had peace now. We were together and Derek wasn’t going to try to stop us from being partners.
This was the first real relationship I’d been in, so I was as lost as Kit.
“I’m not going to classes today,” Kit said after a while.
“Didn’t think you would.” I nudged his shoulder with mine.
“I just want to be here. With you.”
That did it. All my walls and careful detachment shattered. I put my arm around him and kissed his forehead, slow and deliberate, before I moved down to his lips. He melded into me, his mouth moving against mine until we were breathless.
“Me too.” This time I didn’t care if anyone heard.
Kit pressed his face against my shoulder, warm and damp from tears he’d never admit to.
Finally, we rose and went to the couch, or more like I half dragged him there.
Instead of falling onto the cushions, though, we sat on the living room floor, our backs leaning beside the two-seater.
His heartbeat thumped against me through the fabric of my shirt, still racing even though all the threats were gone.
There was a faint rattle in his breath and it felt like the silence after a tornado, when the air is thick and the only thing left is to wait and see what’s still standing.
He picked at the seam of my pants. “Do you think it’ll always be like this?”
I ran my hand through his hair, slow and steady. “Like what?”
“Weird.” His breath came out choppy and his voice shook. “Messy. Tense. I thought my life was perfect, but it was all a lie. I want to forgive Dad, but it’s all so fresh and new.”
“It’s real life.” I tucked a piece of stray hair behind his ear. “Nobody ever tells you how exhausting it is, especially when something big happens.”
He made a face but didn’t disagree. His eyelids drooped, the adrenaline running out. I brushed my thumb under his jaw and tipped his chin up so I could see him.
“I’m proud of you.” The words came out easy, even though I’d never said them to anyone. Maybe not even myself. Hell, not even to Eric, and that was one of my biggest regrets.
Kit blinked at me, startled. “For what? Having the emotional stamina of a fifth grader?”
“For surviving,” I whispered. “For sticking up for yourself. For not running away when things got hard.”
He snorted, but there was color in his face. “I mean, I did run away to Pleasant Beach, remember?”
“Yeah.” I laughed because for a short moment, I had forgotten. Didn’t know how because that was how this whole thing had started.
“I also ran to you,” he whispered.
“That part’s not running. That’s choosing.”
He laced his fingers with mine. “What if I keep choosing you, but you self-destruct or get murdered or move to a remote mountain to raise goats?”
It was a good question, at least the self-destruct mention. I’d been known to break apart at the seams when I was alone. But Kit was here now and having someone choose me settled a raging storm inside me. I wanted to get better for Kit. I never wanted him to worry about me ever again.
“I’m terrible with goats.” I quirked a grin at him. “Too needy.”
Kit snorted, then let his head drop onto my chest. We sat like that, the coffee cooling on the table in the kitchen and the window glass turning blue with the sky outside.
“You should call your mom,” Kit said, voice muffled.
His words hit like a punch to the gut, but not in a bad way. More like a reminder that I actually had organs under all the muscle, scars, and trauma.
“She’d be angry.”
“Maybe. Or maybe she’d be sad that you stopped talking to her when you both needed each other.”
I stared at the ceiling, at the way the morning sun made a rectangle of light against the white paint. “Maybe,” I allowed.
We sat for a little longer. Kit started to drift, his breath slowing.
I could’ve left him there, but I didn’t want to.
I pulled him up and walked him to the couch, curled him against me like he was something breakable.
We could have the morning to relax, then I’d get him up and take him swimming in the lake or the pool at my gym.
He yawned. “You’re gonna fall asleep, too, aren’t you?”
“Probably.”
Kit poked my ribs. “You know, I could just leave. Walk out the door and hitchhike to St. Loren.”
“You’d never make it.” I pouted anyway, because it felt easy to tease him. The tension uncoiled around us, loosening the armor that rusted against my skin. “You’d get distracted by a food truck and forget where you were going.”
He grinned, eyes half lidded. “I’m not that bad. I’m smart, remember?”
It was hard to forget.
He got quiet, thinking about something. I let him, just tracing the curve of his shoulder and the soft line of his spine.
After a while, he said, “I’m not scared of you.”
I was stunned by how much that mattered. My insides turned warm and melty. Goddamn. I wasn’t a teenage girl. SEALs didn’t get feelings like this. But I did for him. “You should be.”
He shook his head. “You think you’re gonna hurt me. I can see it every time you touch me. But you won’t. I promise.”
“That’s a dangerous vow,” I whispered, even though I really wanted to believe it.
He shrugged. “It’s the only kind worth making.”
I closed my eyes and let his words settle into the spaces nothing else ever reached. “I won’t be easy.”
“I don’t want easy.” His eyes glittered with determined tears, and my entire body went warm. “I just want you.”
It sounded stupidly simple, but it didn’t feel foolish. I believed him because I needed him, too.
“Even if I have nightmares? Even if I fuck up?”
Kit had to know there was no easy fix to me. I would stay damaged goods until the day I died.
“Especially then.” Kit sat up straighter, pursing his lips in determination. Love twinkled behind those brown gemstones he called eyes. “You can wake me up any time. Every time. I’ll be right there beside you to scare away your monsters.”
“Deal,” I said.
He pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and tucked it around us both. His hands were cold, so I took them in mine, rubbing slow circles into his palms.
We watched the sunlight weave across the ceiling, the new day bringing heat and blue skies and a new future. For a long time, nothing happened. No crises. No screaming. No threats. Just breathing and warmth and the miracle of not having to move.
I fell asleep before noon, and Kit wrapped around me like a question mark.
For the second sleep in a row, there were no nightmares.
Eric’s face didn’t show up in my dreams and he didn’t scream at me to save him.
He stayed in my thoughts, but he didn’t haunt me.
He smiled, almost as though he was happy I was finally at peace.
When I woke up, Kit was still there.
And I knew I’d never leave him behind. I’d pursue him across the world to get him back if I had to. Chasing Kit was exhilarating.